Showing feelings is easier for some people and more difficult for others. But understanding our own emotions is not easy for any of us. Why am I annoyed? Why sad? Why angry? Often we cannot understand why we feel a certain way. As a result, not only our interactions with other people suffer, but above all our own interactions. Solve this problem for you? We can't. But we can get you oversecondary emotionsclarify that at least the construct ofemotional avoidance strategymake it a little more logical. We allWe hide our true feelings behind other emotions.
The problem with our emotions and true feelings
We feel what we feel. Or maybe we feel something different than what we think we feel? Before we make it any more complicated: Our emotions are a highly complex topic, as you can already tell. Feelings are complex and individual; we often feel several, sometimes contradictory emotions at the same time, which does not necessarily make it easy to always recognize and name feelings correctly. But even with apparently clear emotions - we feel anxious, which means we are afraid - we can be mistaken. The reason for this is the secondary emotions, a kind, with which we react to our true feelings. What does that mean?
Secondary emotions are the reaction to primary feelings
External stimuli cause a reaction, that's how humans work. We react to what we perceive through our sensory organs, subconsciously and consciously. This helps us to cope in life and to communicate our needs. This way we can tell other people what we feel and what emotions their actions trigger in us. If someone makes us laugh, it triggers joy; if we have a crush on someone, love comes into play. Those feelings that we feel directly and in a specific situation are called primary emotions. They are our body's first reaction to what is happening around us. Secondary emotions are what we feel in the next step: our reaction to those feelings. And that often obscures what we actually feel.
The difference between primary and secondary emotions
Primary emotions are often spontaneous and an immediate reaction to certain stimuli or situations. This reaction is then followed by another reaction, the secondary emotions. They develop from primary emotions and arise through the interpretation and evaluation of situations. Let's make this clear with an example:
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Person A and Person B are in a relationship. Person A cheats and confesses the affair to Person B. Person B is sad about the breach of trust and gets angry because he feels hurt. In this case, sadness is the primary emotion and anger is the secondary emotion.
Primary emotions are ours, secondary emotions what it triggers in us to feel these primary emotions. For example, the example is about hurt feelings. Nobody likes to get hurt and feel sad. This emotion has such a strong negative connotation that the person becomes angry for feeling it anyway. In these cases, the grief is rarely expressed, but is directly pushed aside by the secondary emotion - and this is exactly what makes it so difficult to truly understand our true feelings.
Typical secondary emotions
When trying to figure out whether emotions are primary or secondary, the type of feeling can provide clues. Primary emotions are often basic feelings such as joy, sadness, disgust, fear, shame or anger. Theoretically, secondary emotions can also take on these characteristics. However, secondary emotions are often limited to two specific feelings:and. When we are hurt, sad, ashamed, or jealous, we cannot handle these emotions well. In order not to make ourselves further vulnerable, our brain quickly switches to anger or fear - also unpleasant but more bearable or easier feelings that are intended to act as a protective shield. Our true feelings, the primary emotions, are not given any space at all.
Why we unconsciously hide our true feelings behind secondary emotions
Secondary emotions are pretty logical if you think about the principle: we feel something and react to it. At the same time, it is a kind of protective mechanism of the psyche so as not to make oneself vulnerable. But that's not necessarily a good sign. It just proves that we can't handle our true feelings well and slip straight into a kind of emotional avoidance strategy. For example, when you hear criticism from other people. Then you feel hurt and react directly with the secondary emotion (e.g. anger) and let the conversation escalate into an argument. Not good. Secondary emotions obscure what we really feel. That's why you should always question yourself, reflect and find out what you really feel. It's not easy, no question about it, but it's the only way to respond adequately to emotions in the long term.
