Why we communicate better with strangers than with our loved ones

Actually, you should assume that we can tell our loved ones everything. That we would trust partners, friends and family the most. WhatAnd that is concerned with personal information. Nobody knows us as well as our confidants. And yet our communication with you is significantly worse than with people we don't know at all. Paradox, but true. It is to blameClosness Communication Bias. The effect explains why we stop talking to our loved ones and suddenly bad listeners become.

A close friendship or partnership is that you can talk to the participants more than anything without being ashamed without having to be afraid that your own trust will be misused. Nobody knows us as well as our loved ones, which is why one would actually have to assume that communication with us should work particularly well. We can be through our, our feelings, our needs speak without being convicted. Most of the time we don't even have to address these emotions, after all, our loved ones know how we tick. And this is exactly where the problem is. We can entrust everything to you, yes. But do we really do that too? Or do we unlearn to communicate well over time? According to the Closess Communication Bias, the quality of our communication decreases over time, even though we are moving closer together with friends or partners. Paradox. How can that be?

If you were to ask them now how communication in your circle of friends or your partnership, you would probably answer "good" - unless there are any problems. But let's assume that it could not go better at the moment, what would you answer? That they can say everything, probably. And that is not a lie either, in a functioning relationship you should be able to do that. But can not do it. The closer we feel connected to our loved ones, the worse we communicate, says the Closess Communication Bias. This has to do with the fact that we have the feeling that we don't have to say a lot anymore because our loved ones know us so well. But that is often a mistake.

When we heard that we communicate badly with our loved ones, although nothing happened, on the contrary, we even get along pretty well, that was already surprised. How can it be that we suddenly drive down our communication when we trusted? The Closess Communication Bias - a phenomenon in interpersonal communication, in which people tend to overestimate the quality and accuracy of their communication with them - explains thisAs follows: We believe that we get on better with our loved ones because we feel close to them. That is why we also assume that we don't have to tell you a lot because you already know it. We are less explicitly and detailed because we rely on shared experiences, insider knowledge or unspoken assumptions. Wishes, feelings or needs are often not communicated clearly, "the other person knows what I mean anyway". This leads to misunderstandings and errors, not because we do not know each other as well as we believe, but because there are simply some personal information that cannot be repeated or expressed often enough. We are much more open to strangers.

The paradoxical effect of the Closess Communication Bias not only causes communication with our loved ones to become worse unnoticed. He also explains why we communicate much better with strangers. And actually that's logical: after all, we do not know people who we know on a birthday, with an online date or simply in a bar. We still have to teach them our views and feelings and are therefore particularly motivated to formulate our wishes and needs particularly precisely. With it shouldare avoided, we are much more open about what our settings are concerned. Strangers have to get to know us first, our loved ones "know us anyway and also know how we tick and certain things mean". A mistake that we have learned now. Therefore, we should start communicating more and better with our loved ones. Otherwise arguments can quickly occur if information is misunderstood. We also have to learn to listen better again. Because we also stop according to the Closess Communication Bias when we are particularly close to humans.

The Closess Communication Bias should give us thinking. Not only because we have to start communicating better in close relationships, but also because we have to learn to listen again. The closer we are people, the worse listeners we are. But how can that be? After all, we want to know how our loved ones are doing, what they feel and what they have experienced. The only problem is that we overestimate ourselves again. Sure, our loved ones also tell less, but we also listen worse. We think, "I know what you want to say anyway, I know you so well, you don't need to tell you again" - and that has already been done with the active listening and inquiries. In contrast, we are forced to listen more precisely and take all information precisely in order to be able to classify it. As paradoxical as the effect of the Closess Communication Bias may sound, it is that logical. What we take away from it is a clear appeal to ourselves: talk more, better listen. Otherwise our self -overestimation will eventually become a communication problem. And we want to avoid that as far as possible.