When people manipulate people through false promises, it is called the sandcastle technique

IfWe liked nothing better than arriving at the sea, jumping into the water and then building a stately sand castle. It took forever for the muddy mountain we put together to take shape. Every now and then things went wrong and our patience immediately collapsed, but in the end we were as proud as ever when we had finally finished building the sandcastle - only to find that the next wave immediately and mercilessly destroyed our structureequalized. Sandcastles look great, but they collapse when wind, water or a few careless beachgoers get too close. The situation is similar in relationships in which the so-calledSand castle techniqueis applied. This is one , which people use to skillfully manipulate other people. The bad thing is, you often don't even notice it.

"One day we'll go for a romantic weekenddrive", "I will propose to you soon" or "I will always love you" all sound like they come from a damn bad and cheesy one, but it can be cute if only the right person says it. The only problem with such promises is that if you make them, you have to keep them. The application is due, thatIt's better to book soon and well, you probably shouldn't promise that eternal love anyway unless you suddenly develop magical abilities and can see the future. Making false promises is bad - but it's exactly what people do with the sandcastle technique to manipulate others.

A sandcastle looks great from the outside, but the slightest outside influence will completely bring it down. This blinder maneuver is emblematic of relationships in which one person consciously deceives the other. She promises her heaven on earth, sketches out romantic visions of the future and holds out the prospect of a life together that will never happen. The person doing this just doesn't know that yetgets to hear. And that's exactly where the sandcastle technique gets its name. It is used by people who promise great things that sound as beautiful as a sandcastle looks, but are never delivered. At the slightest resistance, these promises are discarded, like a sandcastle being flattened by a wave one second after the next. But why do you build sandcastles at all if they don't stand the test of time anyway?

You build sandcastles to impress others. Sure, it's fun too, but somehow you always wanted to be praised for your great work and also wanted to get envious looks from other kids on the beach. People who use the sandcastle technique in relationships also have a similar motivation. Big and romantic promises sound great and bring people together. The other person is blinded by the beautiful but empty words and consciously manipulated into staying with the partner and subordinating themselves, possibly even doing things that they otherwise would not do. After all, the person with the sandcastle technique now has the scepter in his hand and has consciously tied the other party to him. A bad move, but not easy to see through. After all, as a victim you don't yet know that the rosy prospects for the future will never materialize.

It's completely understandable if you fall for the sandcastle technique. Especially when weand are in the dating phase, we cannot yet assess the person and often want to believe in the romantic promises so much that we no longer question them critically. We bind ourselves to her on the basis of empty promises like "When we're together, we'll go to the movies every week" or "Then I'll always bring you breakfast in bed," only to find out months later that the once so beautifully described relationship Sand castle has long since collapsed. We've all experienced it before. The person with the sand castle technique got what they wanted and consciously manipulated their partner. Because promises are usually made far in the future, the fraud can no longer be solved or is not even really noticed. Pretty rude if you ask us. We have to do something about it.

It's hard not to fall for the sandcastle technique. Especially when you are just at the beginning of the relationship and can't assess the other person yet. Whether people and the words they give prove to be reliable will only be determined over time. But small signs can at least give an indication of whether the person has a tendency to make empty promises. Does she keep appointments? Is she reliable when it comes to dating and doing things together? Is she really what she claims to be? If these small questions reveal discrepancies between what was said and what was done, this is the first alarm signal that the person is not serious about what was promised. The only thing that helps you is yourself, to realistically assess future plans and also to confront the other person with the worry of empty promises. Because even if the sandcastle technique is a conscious manipulation strategy, there are many people who are simply not aware of it. Those who like to dream, who really think at this moment that they are keeping their promises and don't know what damage they can do with their big words. In order to avoid possible disappointment, all you can do is appeal to realism and not plan too much, but rather just do it. Promises should only be made if there is a realistic chance that they can be fulfilled at some point. It’s nice to remind each other of that.