The idea of the soul mate may sound a fairytale, romantic, but it often stops us from making real connections
Do you believe? This one person who perfectly complements you like a missing piece of the puzzle? A partner who feels what you need at all times and dominates the art of telepathy? Not me - not anymore, I have to say fairly.
The search for theOr my whole life has dealt with me for a partner. I have series likebent. Films likeOr “He just doesn't like you” were mandatory for every heartache. Why couldn't I find him? This one person who suits me perfectly?
What is soul mate?
In the dictionary of my trust, the Duden, it says that there is a soul mate when two people "feel the same or very similar". When it comes to romantic love, soul mates mean so much more.
Where does the idea of a soul mate come from?
Attention, now it gets nerdig: The myth of two souls that are related to each other goes back to the Greek philosopher Plato. In his book “Symposium” Aristophanes describes people originally described as a spherical being with four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus shared her in half as a punishment and since then people have been looking for their “missing half” to become complete again.
So the concept of two related souls lasts that long. However, I think that the concept does not fit into our time - or some time. The idea of a fateful love that shakes you in the core may sound romantic, but has little to do with reality. On the contrary: the idea that there is only one person out there in the world is pretty sad. Because if I don't find my perfect match, then life in loneliness, longing and envy threatens to me in all couples.
That is why the adherence to the soul mythos is problematic
Unrealistic expectations:
We believe that outside the person who makes us completely and fulfills all desires. Sounds super romantic, but is totally overwhelming - for both. Honestly: Nobody can be BFF, therapist: in and in life coach. Such exaggerated ideas only ensure that we are disappointed, even though the relationship is actually going quite well.
Perfection instead of reality:
The search for the soul mate ultimately leads us to a dead end. We chase an ideal after we are sold as the only right one by series, films and stories. As soon as a little thing does not fit in the dating, the person is sawn off according to the motto: “Thank you, next”. The thumb is ready for the next swipe, because online dating is the selection of potential partners: inside huge.
The uncomfortable truth for all perfection seekers: If you only want to accept the flawless ideal picture, you will not find a partner - because perfect people simply do not exist. Even if it was different with Cinderella: not only fits us a shoe.
Standing instead of growth:
The belief in “the right” or “the right” suggests that love is like a goal: you will find the right person, and then everything runs like lubricated for eternity. Sorry to say so, but it just doesn't work that way. Relationships are work-they are constantly changing, just like ourselves. Love is not a Hollywood film or “And if they have not died ...”, but rather a road trip with detours, breakdowns and surprising viewpoints.
It is high time to say goodbye to the myth
For me, a soul mate was always someone who likes exactly the same things as I do. But I would have to clone myself-and as an original Nadja, I often get on my nerves. My partner and I think very differently: it is rational and solution -oriented, while I am emotionally and prefer to analyze everything down to the smallest detail. For example, when I tell him about a problem, he comes directly with a solution - although I actually only wanted him to listen to me and reflect my feelings. Conversely, he sometimes turns his eyes when I start again to take every little thing apart in our conversations.
But exactly these differences are exciting. I have learned that it doesn't always have to be a drama when we see things differently - and that its pragmatic way is often exactly what I need because it takes me back to the bottom of the facts. And he learned that it is sometimes enough to say: "That sounds really stupid" - without writing our white board with problem solutions.
How does love go nowadays?
Modern love needs one thing above all: realism and patience. Two things that have us in times ofAnd have been lost somehow. In a world in which we can continue to the next profile with a swipe, there is often a lack of willingness to persevere beyond the first dates unless everything seems perfect.
We forget that real connections of small quirks, compromises and yes, sometimes also live from inconsistencies. We have to get involved with the strengths and weaknesses of our counterpart.
Again and again the thought creeps in with me: if my partner were my real soul mate, we would never discuss. Admittedly, it is really difficult to compromise, because I often have a very specific idea of how the film evening or excursion should end. But I'm learning and talking about it.
And where we are already in communication: these kitschy “We get along without words”- imagination only leads to silence and advisory games.
Instead, you need honest response to needs - even if that is sometimes uncomfortable. Nobody can read mind, even the greatest partner or the greatest partner. When I learned to say that "I need your support" or "that hurt me" instead of expecting that he realized it by himself, a lot became easier.Unfortunately, is not a magical ability that is simply there - it is a learning process that is getting better and better with openness and practice.
You are complete - even without a partner: in
When we think of romantic love, we often overlook two decisive aspects - independence and self -love - because at first glance they don't seem to have anything to do with her. But this is exactly where the key is: I am already complete as a person, even without a partner: in. The idea that another person should "complete" me is the fastest way to disappoint. I have learned that I share some things with friends, others with my partner - and some things just make out with myself. Instead of desperately looking for a “perfect half”, love is about that people consciously decide to go their way together.
