Your child is no longer a little child, but not yet a teenager? The tween phase can be quite challenging! You can read here how you handle your child without constantly getting together.
Your child is no longer a little child, but not yet a real teenager? Then it's a so -called tween. This is how children between 9 and 12 years are called. And like so many development phases before, this age has its very special pitfalls.
My daughter is just 11 years old, but sometimes behaves like a young adult and then suddenly like a toddler again. In short, at the moment I don't know how to deal with her without we clash and someone is leaving the room.
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And I understand it. It is currently going well in your life. Your body changes, your interests are shifted, her friends are focused on and we parents in the background. In and of itself, everything is all right if it would somehow get better.
So I wonder what can I do to help my daughter a little better to become a teenager and thus a young adult? What does she need from me?
I heard myself a bit with my friends. They also have daughters who are at the same age as my daughter or even a little older. Because your view from the outside is sometimes much more precise than mine from the inside.
Open and respectful communication
The change from the child to tween felt like my daughter overnight. So while until recently I dealt with her and spoke, like the child she was, she felt patronized and treated unjust and responded defiantly.
My friends' advice is therefore: listening more, respecting their opinion and seriously dealing with their concerns. Tweens like my daughter do not want to be instructed constantly, but expect their thoughts and feelings to be heard. In plain language, for me means: give less advice and listen more actively, ask questions and help her more to organize her own thoughts.
Stay flexible
Children need certain limits and a rough frame in which they can develop and try out. However, frames and borders should grow with the child and are by no means rigid. My daughter certainly needs help and structure, otherwise she would get lost in her chaos. Nevertheless, I have to give her more space for myself.
How my friends put it: let them take more responsibility and admit their mistakes. Let them forget homework and do not learn for work. Let them meet with friends instead of practicing the guitar at home. Let them make decisions and include them in decisions. This makes them grow emotionally.
Have trust!
True to the motto, everything will be fine, isProbably the be -all and end -all between parents and child. And in the tween and teen phase particularly in demand from us parents. Because the children become fledged. My daughter is not at home more and more often than at home. She meets with friends, drives shopping, stays somewhere else and inevitably goes at a distance.
And as difficult as it is every now and then, because in my eyes it is still sooo small, I have no choice but to trust that she does the right one. And my friends agree with me. The worst, according to the general tenor, is when the tween feels controlled.
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Be a good role model yourself
Parents are always a role model for their children. But in the age between 9 and 12, children take a closer look and take over a lot of their parents' behaviors and values. Nobody is perfect, clear, but things like honesty, respect, empathy and conflict resolution strategies are things that you can learn from us. As tweens and teens more than ever.
The advice at the point: Especially now it is important to stand by mistakes and show my child how I deal with mistakes and disappointments.
Remain emotionally available
The feelings of a tween sometimes ride a roller coaster as much as that of a teenager. In one moment everything is good and suddenly the child explodes, becomes loud and angry, similar to the defiance phase with two or three years.
The tip: Just as you give a small defiant child your feelings, you should also do it with the feelings of the tween. As difficult as it may fall, as a parent you should keep the calm and give the child the space to express your feelings. So, inhale deeply and stop the air when the child suddenly rages. This helps not to get loud yourself.
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Another tip from the friends: just listen. Do not offer solutions that are wrong in the child's eyes anyway. Just be there and hold your child if it wants it.
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