Parents who really want to know how their child is doing should not ask general questions, but instead ask these specific questions.
It's not uncommon for me to find myself pestering my children with questions just to get a tiny piece of information about their day.
And my kids are annoyed by it. They prefer to be left alone and go to their rooms quite quickly. I'm left clueless, without really knowing how they're doing, whether they're happy, whether they're missing something or whether they might need help with something.
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Many parents feel the same way as I do, mostly those who have teenagers living in the house. Instead of talking to us about the day, they just want to relax after a day at school. They were granted that too! And yet we would like to know how they are doing. And now?
From the general to the specific!
Maybe it will help if we parents think about our questions. Each of us probably knows it from everyday life: we are asked how we are by a good colleague, friend or partner and reflexively respond with a quick “Good, thank you”. And that even when something is actually bothering us.
It's the same with children. The questions “How was your day?” or “How are you?” are so general that when the child has something on their mind, they don't even know where to start.
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Therefore the questions need to be more specific. To get children to tell us about their day, you can ask them the following four questions, which will make the little and big silent foxes a little more talkative.
This is best done in the quiet evening hours. Then the youngsters had time to gain some distance from the day. You also really have time to listen carefully and read between the lines.
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1. Who did you play/chat/hang out with today (during break)?
As soon as children can speak, they can answer this question easily. And the answer tells us parents a lot about the child's day. First we find out whether our child is integrated into a group.
If we ask our child this question regularly, we will also find out whether it is always the same children with whom they play or hang out, or perhaps always different children. It shows us that our child has friends or that he or she is completely open and has no problems approaching others and finding connections.
We also find out whether our child had fun and is happy. On the one hand, what the child says, but also how he tells it. Because things that made them happy still make them smile when they tell them.
2. Did something funny happen today?
Was the child able to laugh about something with someone today? This question is also aimed at finding out whether the child is doing well, is happy and feels free and at ease. Because if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, you rarely feel like laughing.
Of course, not every day something super funny will happen, but you will see that your child will think deeply about the question. And maybe he'll think of a story that he really wants to tell you - whether it's funny or not.
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3. Did you learn/try something new today?
The question is aimed at the child's academic performance, but also at non-academic performance. With an answer we can find out whether the child finds the lesson interesting or is super bored.
And we can find out what he might have dared to do in the playground that he has never managed to do before. The question will also get your child to talk about others too. “Do you know what XY did today?” Parents find out over a longer period of time what role their child has in the schoolyard. Does he prefer to be an observer or is it important for him to be actively involved in what is happening?
And the answer once again gives us information about the child's well-being. Is it happy when telling the story, does it seem happy and bright or depressed and sad? Maybe you want to try something out, but don't dare and need a little extra encouragement?
4. Do you need help with something?
Sometimes children are reluctant to explicitly ask for help because it makes them uncomfortable or because they think it would make them look bad. By offering help directly to your child, you are accommodating them to the point that asking for it will be much easier for them.
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Even if your child refuses your help, still ask them every day. This way you let them know that you are always there when they need you.
Important note at the end:The information and tips in this article are suggestions only. Every child is different and reacts in their own way. It is therefore important that you listen to your child and find out which path is best for you.
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