It feels really good when someone asks us if everything is okay when we don't feel well. Because asking someone for help can take a lot of effort. Even our children can feel this way. Although their lives often seem carefree, they can also be plagued by worries and fears. And they too can suffer so much from it that they simply don't feel well.
Children already feel pressure at school, pressure from society and pressure from their peers. And the pressure can be so great that they suffer extremely from it.
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So that life doesn't get too much for our children, it's important that we pay attention and listen to them. Because sometimes the simple things our children tell us contain much more than just an anecdote from their day.
Phrases that you should pay particular attention to and that your child may use to tell you through the flower that they need you a little more than usual can be the following.
“I have a stomach ache.”
If the child is healthy and there is no medical evidence of recurrent abdominal pain, the child may be projecting distress, acute stress, or worry into his or her stomach.
Children under the age of ten find it difficult to express their feelings. For them, they can therefore manifest themselves in the form of abdominal pain, which the child also perceives as actual pain and which takes him away from the activity he is currently doing.
If stomach pain occurs regularly “for no reason,” it is important that parents take time for the child. It's not about focusing on the stomach ache, it's about simply asking and listening to how the day was.
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Have a cup of tea together and talk about what's going on in your life. Are there new classmates, was there an argument, a surprising test or anger from the teacher? Is there something that is causing the child excessive concern or distress? Most of the time the stomach pain goes away on its own during the conversation.
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"I'm scared."
Fear in children can have many causes and it is important to investigate them. Depending on the developmental phase, certain fears are “normal”. As early as eight months old, children feel strange and fear being separated from their parents. A little later, at around three to four years of age, children are in the so-called magical phase.
They are afraid of threatening creatures or the dark because their imagination is more developed. At around six years old, they understand more about the world, hear and see the news and can be afraid of wars, accidents or catastrophes, even if they happen far away. At around eight years of age, they begin to feel the pressure to perform, and in their teens, separation from their parents also brings with them social fears.
Parents should talk to their children, explore where the fear comes from, and support their child in learning to manage the fear. If you learn to get your fear under control and master the situation, you will strengthen your self-confidence.
However, if the child's anxiety persists for a longer period of time and the child has already passed the developmental phase for which anxiety is typical, the child may have an anxiety disorder. Behavioral therapy can help. Talk to your pediatrician about it, because if an anxiety disorder is diagnosed, the therapy will be covered by your health insurance company.
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“No one likes me.”
Children, like us adults, can be depressed. It could just be a bad day, but it could also be a real depression. Diagnosing this in children is difficult. Parents should be alert when the child changes, becomes isolated, or becomes anxious and inhibited in interacting with others.
If academic performance declines or if the child appears depressed, these may be the first signs of depression. A reduced level of frustration and strong self-criticism can also be signs of this.
If parents are concerned, they should definitely talk to their pediatrician about the child's changed behavior. If depression is present, it can only be treated with professional help.
In general, parents can help children protect themselves against depression. Family stability and a good social network give the child security and a certain level of security. Parents can help their child strengthen their self-confidence, create a sense of achievement, hand over responsibility to the child and thus reduce fears. Such measures can protect against depression, but are not a guarantee. Because depression is an illness and it should be taken seriously.
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“I don’t want to go to school.”
Pressure to perform, anger with classmates or teachers, but also boredom and lack of challenge can lead to a child no longer wanting to go to school. Talk to your child about what exactly is going on. Talk to teachers and look for solutions together.
Changing schools is not always an ideal solution. A child must learn to cope with different people and situations.
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"I can't do that!"
Some children are afraid of doing something wrong or not doing what others expect of them. You feel a lot of pressure to do things for others. They often lack self-confidence. Parents can help their child by encouraging them. A child has to learn that he does things primarily for himself, so that he feels good, not for other people.
“I don’t know (anymore).”
If a child answers "I don't know" to many things, it may mean that he or she is afraid of giving the wrong answer or of being judged for his or her answer. The child probably lacks self-confidence or feels immense pressure, from outside or within themselves, to always do things right.
Parents should let their child know that they can and are allowed to say what they think. That his opinion, views and thoughts are worth just as much as hers.
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Small tasks that the child can take responsibility for and control themselves can help them increase their self-confidence. If parents trust their child and let them make decisions more often, it will strengthen the child. He develops confidence in his abilities and sometimes dares to do more.
“Can I sleep with you?”
It is also completely legitimate for older children to sleep in bed with their parents. In principle, you should be able to sleep alone in your own bed for one night. So if it often happens that the child wants to go to bed with their parents, parents should ask: Why? Is the child afraid (of the dark)? Did something happen during the day that is still bothering you or bothering you?
"I'm not feeling well! / I do not feel good."
A child who says they are not feeling well should always be taken seriously and listened to. Fears, pressure and worries can place a heavy burden on and damage a child's soul. Parents should ask why the child is not feeling well. Is the child depressed because something has happened acutely or is it a general mood that they are in?
Parents who feel helpless and don't know how to help their child, but are afraid to go to the doctor, can also contact the parent hotline. TheNumber against griefYou can reach us on 0800-111 0 550. The call is free and, if desired, anonymous. Parents can receive competent advice and support here Monday to Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and on Tuesdays and Thursdays until 7 p.m.
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