Good Enough Parents: Why the absolute fulfilling child needs is not contemporary and can end in infinite exhaustion

FewAnd the fact that you hardly have any Me-time after the birth of a child is demanding. You will finally find yourself in life after a few weeks or monthsCorrectly, it staysbusy. You juggle appointments, fight daycare viruses and operate playground hopping. The most strenuous, and I would not have expected that before the birth of my daughter, was something for me for a long time, or rather someone, other: I wanted to know, research, compare and do it right in phases, had a guilty conscience because I did a lot of "wrong" - and made myself almost delusion.

The concept of„Good Enough Parents“Is not new, but still up to date. What is behind it and why and how it can protect against infinite exhaustion:

If there is something like a trend in terms of child (er), then the current: needs-based education is. That means: You do not adhere to rigid rules and respond flexibly and individually to the needs of the child. You listen, try to find solutions instead of constantly praising prohibitions. Nowadays, needs -oriented, however, is often difficult. Anyone who focuses solely on the needs of the child will inevitably be exhausted at some point andbe. If the needs -oriented education, the focus is not only on the needs of the child, but also that of the parents. It is not about continuously and directly fulfilling everything the child wants or what it wants to do. Rather, you recognize this or that need in the first step and then weigh in the second how important, sensible and feasible is the desire.

Now it can be, for example, that my four -year -oldabsolutely want to play with me. However, I myself am tired, have a headache or simply don't feel like it. Do I have to overcome myself every time and fulfill the desire for playing together? Of course not. By telling my child that I like to play with him, but at the moment XY wants to be for me, it learns two things: on the one hand to recognize their own needs and stand up for them and on the other hand (at least over time) a certain frustration tolerance.

The British pediatrician and founder of child psychology Donald Winnicott in the 1950s shaped the good-enough parenting concept. In summary, it says that sufficiently good parents are much more beneficial for the development of a child than those who want to make everything perfect. While you should answer and fulfill the needs of infants promptly (!), You don't have to pay full attention to a toddler or child at any moment - or for eachAnd have a solution ready every wish.

Good Enough Parenting acknowledges that parents are humans. That neither you (nor your (e) child) can or should be perfect. It confesses parents (and with it also children)to. Of course, you can and should apologize to your child if you have behaved unfairly. Or you can reflect and adapt behavioral patterns that you unconsciously adopted from your own parents. But you don't have to put yourself under pressure or finish because you can't be the mother or father every day who you want to be.

At first I had no idea what kind of mother I wanted to be. Before the birth of my daughter, I lived in the naive assumption that I was a born mom. My case was deep, in the first months after birth I often felt like the greatest failure and raven mother. By just getting loud and being the cheerful superma for my child, I only became louder and stressed.

I don't think that you have to deny your way to parenting alone. I personally find an open and sincere exchange with other mothers and parents. Because you then notice that you are not alone with the supposed mistake. I also initially stocked up with numerous parent guides. Among them are many useful works, but also some books that are theoretically very logical, but practically not useful for everyone. By the way, the "big people" podcast and the courses by Danila Schmidt, a parent consultant, entrepreneur and mom give me the most orientation and support. What I take from it for myself enriches mineSustainable and shows me that it should not be the claim to never fail as a parents or to have to do everything perfectly.

It took a few years until I really understood what is the most important thing for me to be a mother: to take care of myself. That I notice limits and set that I am in for myself and my child and that I design our everyday life as it suits us - and not, as I see it with friends or on Instagram.

Perhaps selfish may sound selfish. For me it is more of a prerequisite for accompanying my child (approximately) as I find it suitable. It helps me to stay connected to me and not to lose myself. Not every day, but it's a good timetable. And I regularly realize that I don'tonlyBin. But also, Partner, journalist and just me. Some rolls back to the background in phases, while others dominate. In my opinion, this is a logical part of parenthood and hardly bothers me. I don't want to have or be all at all. And most of all the most flawless mother who, in the presence of her child, is never loud, stressed, desperate or speechless, but is hidden in the storage room.