Separate beds: Women sleep better alone - but not men. Why actually?

When you're in a relationship, you usually not only share a life, but also a bed. However, this completely ignores the fact that women are deprived of their sleep. Time,parted ways in bedto go?

IfIf you spend the night in separate bedrooms in this country, that usually doesn't mean anything good. In the best case, only one of the two snores; in the worst case, the blessing of the house goes wrong. Historically, the fact that we as a couple in Germany sleep in the same bed with our partners has primarily pragmatic reasons: there is a lack of space. In other countries, the USA for example, separate bedrooms are completely normal. We don't want to hide the fact that sleeping together in a harmonious relationship does have positive aspects, for example it has a calming and stress-reducing effect. Cuddling up together also reduces the tensions of everyday life and can help you fall asleep.anyway.

However, it becomes a problem when someone in the relationship snores - and men in particular do this. Twenty to 46 percent of men snore, while the figure for women is only eight to 25 percent. In heterosexual relationships, women suffer significantly more often from lack of sleep due to snoring. In addition, men tend to move more and more intensively while sleeping and have to go to the toilet more often at night - all circumstances that lead to men's partners being disturbed more often while they sleep. Women also often have less deep sleep than men, which is probably mainly due to the fact that women traditionally look after children more and therefore have to and have had to wake up reliably when children wake up at night - which, especially in the case of children leading to a further intensification of the sleep problem.

Objectively speaking, it must be said that women (would) sleep significantly better alone - even if many people may not want to admit it because it is important to them to have their partner by their side at night and therefore feel safe and secure feel. However, studies show that, on average, sleep is of higher quality when you sleep alone.

Now one would assume that men also sleep better alone, after all, a potential source of disturbance would be eliminated if they didn't share a bed - but that's not true. Research has shown that men actually sleep better when a partner lies next to them in bed at night. One can only speculate as to why this is the case. Men, as we already mentioned above, are less susceptible to nighttime disturbances, which certainly helps. But perhaps for evolutionary reasons, men also feel safer and more secure when they know that someone is still there to watch over them at night. However, after menopause the proportion of women who snore increases significantly. This in turn also has a negative impact on your partner's sleep.

You and your partner should primarily ask yourself whether sleeping separately makes sense based on a single question: Does one of you suffer from the existing sleeping situation in which you share the bed? And this question should be answered honestly for the benefit of everyone, otherwise the resulting lack of sleep can, in the worst case, develop into a clinical disorder. However, many couples find it difficult to admit to each other when sharing a bed causes sleep deficits for one of them. Men mainly because they tend to sleep better when someone is lying next to them, while women often miss the closeness and warmth, as studies have shown - and ignore the fact that they might still feel better with more sleep.

It should be made very clear: Separate beds are not an indication of an impending separation - on the contrary. If all partners are well-rested, that should be beneficial to every relationship - and the short-term distance of separate beds can also increase sexual desire and desire. Nobody says that you can't jump into your partner's bed sometimes.

Anyone who is afraid that sleeping apart could have negative effects on their relationship can and should of course take countermeasures. For example, a shared evening ritual can help - such as putting the other person to bed or a cuddle session before retiring to the other bed.

And most people already know that in the course of a relationship you regain a little more “freedom” when you fall asleep. Because while many new couples often have significantly more sex before falling asleep and then often slip into sleep with each other tightly wrapped around them, this allows usually decreases over time. Then at some point you turn on your side and are often happy when you are a little more self-sufficient when sleeping. Because of course, falling asleep snuggled up together is nice, but really good, you don't usually sleep deeply and soundly like that. In this respect, it is also important to know that it is completely normal if you turn on your side at some point and sleep by yourself, and that you should not interpret this as a sign of alienation. Rather, it should be interpreted in such a way that everyone feels safe and secure, but also claims their freedom against this background.

A special case develops within a partnership when children are added. Depending on the sleeping situation you create, adults usually sleep worse and worse - at least as long as you share a bedroom and, if necessary, a bed. Because a child also moves in their sleep, makes noises, wakes up sometimes - all sources of disturbance that stand in the way of a restful sleep. Most of the time it gets better - also because children in this country often no longer sleep in the same room/bed - but by then some parents have simply forgotten how to find healthy and peaceful sleep; the body is then used to constantly waking up. Sometimes you can get it under control yourself, but sometimes sleep medical help is necessary.

Another factor that should not be ignored is the fact that everyone has different sleep expectations and needs. Some people like to go to bed early, others like to stay up late at night, some need at least nine hours of sleep a day, others do well with just five hours - and of course work obligations can also have an influence on sleep patterns.

Studies have shown that it is often important for women to go to bed and get up at the same time as their partner, while men often don't care. This may be due to women's often more pronounced need for harmony. Whether you really synchronize your sleeping and getting up times is something you have to discuss within the relationship and try out, if you want. However: Studies have actually shown that relationships last longer on average if the partners have similar bedtimes - of course with no guarantee. But what you should definitely pay attention to is that you don't live past each other within the partnership - because if one person only goes to bed when the other gets up and you no longer have any time together, you can ruin the relationship also save straight away. But we don't want it to get that far, do we?