Imagine trying tonotto think of a pink elephant. This probably won't work. Once the pink elephant appears in our head, it becomes almost impossible to consciously get rid of it. The harder we try to drive it away, the more stubborn it remains. This image of the pink elephant illustrates how difficult it is to banish disturbing thoughts from your mind through sheer willpower. Although people are different, we all basically want the same thing. Happiness, health and love. TheLaw of inverse effector better known asBackward Lawshows that it is not the external circumstances that take away our feeling of satisfaction, but our dissatisfaction itself. So can you really get what you want if you let go of the thought?
Backward Law: Why the pursuit of happiness often makes us unhappy - and what we can do instead
The human dilemma is based on a collective fallacy: We believe that external changes – more possessions and consumption, a better environment, or an adjustment to our external appearance – can free us from the internal feeling of inadequacy. Imagine setting yourself the goal of becoming a millionaire in the hope that it will make you happy. But the more you fixate on this desire, the larger the gap you feel between what is and what you believe you need to achieve in order to be happy. This is exactly what backward law tries to convey. The more we struggle with our current situation, the more we feel lack and deprivation. The more we long for change in order to finally be satisfied, the less contentment we find.
Origin and philosophy of backward law
The Backward Law is based on the idea that the need for control often prevents us from achieving the very things we long for. For example, if you try to be relaxed and force yourself to get rid of all disturbing thoughts, this usually only increases your inner restlessness. Those who desperately try to be happy often only feel more dissatisfied. This idea was popularized primarily by the British philosopher Alan Watts, who was based on philosophies such as Zen Buddhism and Taoism. Both teach that the pursuit of control, happiness, and success rarely leads to these goals. Instead, it is often letting go that paradoxically brings exactly the peace and contentment you desire. Watts called this mechanism the “law of reversed effort”. Zen and Taoism hold that life flows better when we stop obsessively controlling it and instead embrace what the moment brings. This approach is also popular in modern psychology. Mindfulness and acceptance exercises aim to promote letting go of constant evaluation and control mechanisms. Instead of suppressing thoughts and feelings, practice noticing them and letting them pass.
It sounds paradoxical: the 10 principles of backward law
The Backward Law describes a series of paradoxes: the more intensely we strive for certain goals, the further they seem to move away from us. Here are the ten backward laws that show us that letting go often brings more results than forcing.
- control
The more we try to control our feelings and impulses, the more helpless and overwhelmed we feel. Our emotions are often chaotic and difficult to influence. But paradoxically, when we embrace our emotions instead of fighting them, we gain control. - Freedom
Ironically, our desire for limitless freedom often limits us. We find true freedom by consciously defining and committing to certain values and goals. - Luck
If we try to be desperately happy, we often become even more dissatisfied. However, if we accept dissatisfaction, moments of happiness come much more easily. - Security
Enforcing security at all costs often only increases feelings of insecurity. True security comes when we learn to deal with the uncertainty of life. - Love
The more we strive to be loved and accepted by others, the less likely we are to achieve this. More importantly, we often lose love and acceptance for ourselves. True love comes when we are authentic to ourselves and others. - Respect
The more we insist on getting respect, the less we receive it. However, if we treat others with respect, they will give us respect back. - Trust
Convincing people of our worth often causes them to doubt us. But the more trust we have in others, the more trust we will have in us. - self-consciousness
Those who obsessively try to appear confident often feel the opposite - insecurity and fear. However, when we accept our own weaknesses, we feel more comfortable and confident in our own skin. - change
The desperate desire to change ourselves often leaves us feeling inadequate. When we accept ourselves as we are, we often naturally evolve and experience more growth. - Sinn
When we frantically search for meaning or purpose in life, we often lose ourselves in self-doubt. But when we focus on positively impacting the lives of others, we find deeper meaning and satisfaction.
Backward Law: an example from everyday life
A classic example of the backward law is insomnia. Who doesn't know what it's like to toss and turn in bed and just not be able to get to sleep. If you force yourself to sleep, you will become more and more restless. You keep looking at the alarm clock and start calculating how much longer you could sleep for. The brain releases stress hormones that make it even more difficult to fall asleep. But as soon as you let go of the pressure and accept that sleep may not come immediately today, the exact opposite can often happen - and relaxation sets in.
Applying the Backward Law in life: Tips for more calm
The backward law can be applied to many areas of life - from relationships to career to personal happiness. Here are some tips on how you can use the principle for yourself:
- Be authentic in relationships: People who obsessively try to please or impress others often come across as aloof or insecure. Stay authentic and let go of the need to prove yourself at all costs. Authenticity often naturally attracts people who are right for you.
- Set realistic, joyful goals: Focus on the moment and not just the goal. Instead of fixating on big, distant visions, set daily, achievable goals that you enjoy pursuing. Often it is precisely this joy in doing what leads to long-term success.
- Learn to let go: If you are trapped in stress or negative feelings, do not try to force them away. Instead, accept it for now and let it pass. Mindfulness exercises such as conscious breathing or meditation can help facilitate this process.
The Backward Law reminds us that often the most relaxed paths lead to happiness and contentment. By letting go and trusting a little, life can suddenly flow more easily - and the desired goal finds us without us having to frantically pursue it.
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