We really can't hear the phrase "everything used to be better" anymore. Sure, maybe there are one or two things that really worked better twenty years ago, we don't want to deny that. But not everything was better - even if many people think so. Thewhen it comes to “the good old days”. We gloss over and fantasize about a distorted ideal that never existed to this extent, and we don't even realize that we are ruining our future. There is even a term for this behavior:toxic nostalgia. You should avoid them as much as possible.
When does nostalgia become toxic?
Remembering the old days with your best friends can be pretty nice. Back when people still did crazy things, not alwaysand liked to mess up sometimes, everything was so much easier and more carefree. When you long for times gone by, you quickly become sentimental. Memory is often characterized by positive feelings and an idealized view of the past. It evokes a feeling of warmth and connection, makes you happy and thoughtful at the same time. This emotion is called nostalgia. You look back on the past with both a laughing and a crying eye - laughing because you remember beautiful moments, crying because these moments are now over. In itself, nostalgia is a completely human feeling that helps. It becomes problematic when you hang too much on the past and thereby block the future. Then nostalgia can quickly become toxic.
Toxic nostalgia glorifies the past
Nostalgia is an emotion that falls somewhere between bitter and sweet. Kind of beautiful, but also kind of painful. This relationship becomes particularly problematic as soon as thoughts about the past affect the future. When you idealize old times so much that you think the zenith has already passed and you will never be as happy again. Or when you desperately try to recreate the seemingly happy situation from the past, without realizing that it didn't even exist. The negative aspects are ignored, the present is perceived as inadequate or disappointing because one is running after an unattainable ideal. When it comes to toxic nostalgia, we are dealing with pessimists about the future and frantic optimists who glorify the past. But where does this come from?actually?
Toxic Nostalgia: Why We Idealize the Past
A psychological phenomenon is to blame for toxic nostalgia: selective perception. It ensures that we only remember certain things from our past because we don't have the capacity to store every single memory. Humans are far better at retaining positive emotions and discarding negative ones. Especially in times when the psyche is not doing so well, the idealized past acts as, which offers comfort and security by reminding us of supposedly simpler or happier times. If we are dealing with challenges in the present, the idealized past should put the current problem into perspective. After all, the past also plays an important role in the formation of our personal identity. By highlighting positive aspects from ancient times, we strengthen our self-image and the feeling of continuity in our lives today. That's why it's so difficult to remember the past objectively and realistically. Our memories are often distorted in such a way that we unconsciously ignore the negative feelings from back then. What remains is the positive image of the good old days. Bullshit.
Not everything used to be better, even if toxic nostalgia would tell us otherwise
Even if our memory often leads us to believe that, not everything used to be better. The relationship with the one person you only know all the time, was really as shitty as it sounds now. In your early 20s you were free, but you also had constant money worries. And even though your body may have looked younger fifteen years ago, back then people didn't have as good a style of clothing as they do today (you're welcome). In the past, some things were perhaps better, but some were also significantly worse. That's why you shouldn't start chasing after some of the glossed-over ideals of the past that remain unattainable anyway. Or stop being pessimistic all the time because it can't be as nice as it used to be anyway, that's not true either. It will be different, yes. However, constant comparison with the past will not help you in today's life. Especially when the basis for comparison is irrational.
How to make nostalgia less toxic
Sometimes it's nice to reminisce about old memories and it's a good thing. As long as you don't develop a toxically positive relationship with your own past and thereby ruin your future, there is no problem with it. The aim is not to idealize your previous life, but rather to maintain a healthy assessment and at the same time not to compete with the future. This can be achieved by consciously reflecting: What were the beautiful moments of the past and what were perhaps not so beautiful, what can you learn from? Was I really always as well off as I think I was, or didn't my past self also struggle with problems like I do today? At the same time, don't forget to focus on the present. To be mindful and grateful for the present moment, to appreciate the here and now. You don't lose sight of the future if you actively work on goals and projects that inspire and motivate you. You have the opportunity to shape your future the way you like it - with appreciation for the past, but not in dependence on it. Ultimately, it's all about a healthy relationship. Then the nostalgia won't degenerate to a toxic extent - and in the future you can finally do without the stupid sentence "everything used to be better". Thanks.
