Love is blind, you hear that again and again - and you may also know it personally. How often have you asked yourself afterwards about ex-partners what you actually found in them. Why didn't you see that one or two dates were real ones?acted. And how you were able to tolerate all of that even though the other person just wasn't good for you. So there seems to be something to the myth. But why is that? Why is love blind? And how do you know if you are glossing over potential problems through rose-colored glasses?We clarify all questions about boyfriend blindness - and also reveal how to get out of it.
Note: The rose-colored glasses phenomenon became known on social media as boyfriend blindness, but could also just as easily be called girlfriend blindness or love blindness - this means all genders.
Boyfriend Blindness: Why is love blind?
“Love is blind” is not just some myth, but a scientifically proven fact. Numerous studies have found that we have distorted perceptions at the beginning of a relationship, when we are newly in love. Problems are ignored, potential red flags are tolerated and all that, just because we cling so tightly to the ideal of partnership. That's why we idealize the new person in our lives. We focus on, we initially ignore negative behavior. This can be attributed, among other things, to hormonal influences: In the initial phase of a relationship, hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin play a major role, which focus on happiness and human connection and influence our perception so that we see reality through “rose-colored glasses”. After all, we want to commit to each other, problems such as behavior that we can't actually cope with stand in the way of this goal. The psychological phenomenon of confirmation bias also plays a role: people tend to seek out and interpret information that confirms their existing beliefs and feelings. So in a relationship you only notice the positive aspects that support the image of the ideal partner and ignore the negative ones. This process is also called boyfriend blindness - and can quickly become a problem.
The problem with boyfriend blindness
One could now argue that rose-colored glasses aren't such a bad thing when it comes to relationships. After all, many couples in long-term relationships report that the beginnings of their love story were the most beautiful. You couldn't wait to see the other person, you wanted to spend time with them 24/7, and sometimes you couldn't get out of the box at all. Confounding variables and other issues were irrelevant; the only thing that mattered was the relationship. From this point of view we can even understand the argument - sometimes it's good not to put everything on the scales and make a drama out of it. The only problem is that the problems don't suddenly go away. They are hushed up and tolerated, even if some of the other person's behavior may even escalate into red flags. The image of the perfect relationship should be preserved at the expense of one's own needs. Your partner is talking rubbish? Is she unreliable? No matter, the main thing is that the partnership remains. And it is precisely this way of thinking that causes the bubble to burst at some point and you wonder what you actually like about the other person. Not to mention the time you suffered from the bad qualities just because you don't have onewanted to risk. Often you don't even realize that you are subconsciously accepting red flags that you would otherwise condemn. That's why you have to be careful with boyfriend blindness and keep checking your own well-being.
6 Signs of Boyfriend Blindness
Boyfriend blindness describes the phenomenon in which one fails to notice or ignore the other person's flaws or negative qualities in a relationship. This becomes problematic as soon as serious problems in the partnership are ignored or you become involvedentangled. That's why you should pay attention to possible signs of boyfriend blindness, especially if you're just starting a new relationship:
1.Red flags are ignored: Overlooking or trivializing behaviors that would be considered problematic in other relationships (e.g., lack of communication, unreliability, or jealousy) is a clear sign of boyfriend blindness.
2.Bad behavior becomes rationalizedt: Making excuses for your partner's behavior, even if it is repeatedly hurtful or inappropriate, blaming it on stress, external circumstances, or other factors.
3.Conflicts are avoided: Arguing is never nice, but sometimes it is important. Especially when you want to address problems or resolve conflicts. If you avoid the conversation for fear of straining the relationship or upsetting the other person, that's not a good sign.
4.Your own needs are neglected: You constantly put the other person's needs and wants ahead of your own. This leads to an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship.
5.The relationship is defended from others: Even if close friends criticize the other person, you fall into defense mode and protect them. You can usually explain their bad behavior with a “plausible” reason.
6.The relationship is idealized: When others ask how things are going in the relationship, they rave about her highly. There are no problems.
What to do about boyfriend blindness?
At the beginning of a relationship, it is completely normal to find a person good and perhaps, in the rush of emotions, to find them better than you would actually do. Love is blind, we can't protect ourselves from that and, to be honest, we don't want to. It's a pretty nice feeling sometimes. To prevent boyfriend blindness from becoming a problem, you should learn to maintain an objective view of the relationship despite the butterflies in your stomach.helps with that. Ask yourself if you are ignoring certain behaviors or problems in the relationship and why that might be. If in doubt, you can also ask around from close friends to get a more objective opinion. Open communication with the other person is crucial; talk honestly about your feelings, needs, and concerns to clarify misunderstandings and address problems together. If the other person doesn't take it well, the relationship has no future anyway. After all, you are not in a relationship with an idealized person, but with a person with rough edges. It's completely normal to find some things good and some things bad. Dealing with Red Flags andFighting around, however, is not an option.
