Foto: Ilona Nagy, gettty imagesages
In dating talk: Paperclipping-what the nasty stitch is all about
Situation hips, ghosting, lovebombing - red flags, right? The dating world is now anything but manageable and feels like every day, new phenomena are revealed behind complicated terms that bring heartache and chaos. Are we monogamous? Exclusive? Or Friends with benefits? I bring light into the dark of the dating life of the gene Z-from my own experience, because (like Pitbull) Trust Me, Been There, Done that ...
Dating in times of social media has long since shaped one or the other (initially funny sounding) expression.Ghostingis now probably even a term, while theGen Zhas long since arrived at Orbising, Cookie Jarring or Breadcrumbing. Behind the apparently harmless andSimplified metaphorsbut mostly hideemotionally manipulative strategiesAnd mechanisms that can do a lot. As if it weren't enough, now joinsPaper cuttingin addition. Most probably don't say anything right away, but if we show them what behaviors mean, a picture that will be familiar to one or the other will quickly become apparent.
Paper clipping: a dating mesh that is even worse than ghosting
Let's get to the bottom of the whole thing linguistically:Paperclippingis due to the English translation for office clip ("PaperClip"), which serves as an illustration of the metaphor behind the stitch. One might think that it is about clinging yourself (cramped). Really oneOffice clip,The office assistant Clippy (or called Karl Klammer in the German version), a function animated as a cartoon character, which used to be found at Microsoft Office. Here Clippy popped up on the monitor at certain things and offered his help - without being asked and mostly out of nowhere. Some already suspect the connection of the 2000 office assistant to modern: It is about the surprising popping of a person, apparently out of nowhere and on irrelevant occasions.
Ghosting, i.e. the abrupt breaking of contact, may be one thing and as hard as that after a seemingly beautiful meeting may be processed, at least it's a unique thing.PaperclippingOn the other hand, for weeks, months or even years. This makes it particularly manipulative and toxic on a psychological level, because that's never very calm and again and again the chaos begins again.
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This is how paper clipping usually occurs
The actions are small, simple and almost inconspicuous, so most are probably not even aware that they are in such a situation.Signscan be among other things:
- He or she does not write back for weeks, but reacts to a story out of nowhere. Ideally only with an emoji (e.g. the popular flame), so that no conversation just has to appear, but you are still there somehow.
- He or she talks to "I'm bad in writing" in order to be able to excuse inconsistent response behavior in advance. In certain phases (be it spicy or because the person is just particularly boring at that moment), it works quite well and a quick conversation takes place. Well, somehow goes - strange.
- When an interaction takes place again, the topics are mostly superficial, you talk without really saying anything and plays the ball lovelessly back and forth. But as soon as it (again) goes in a more serious direction, nothing suddenly comes. Surprising.
- Every time after a long break, a justification follows that you first want to believe (or would like to give), because it was just going on and so on. Keyword gaslighting.
The hard truth: that is behind it
Now, maybe rather put it briefly: Because no, onePaper clipping incidentUnfortunately, usually does not signal an honest interest and a positive turn. Rather, that plays hereEgothe crucial role of the person. Because he or she simply cannot bear to be completely forgotten and therefore has to appear briefly from time to time, show presence and thereby foremotional chaosworries - just to feel better. Ug.
The best answer to that? No answer! Because by actively withdrawing from the (toxic) situation and giving the whole thing, you not only protect yourself and clearly signal your limits, but even serve the other person's ego a little. Win-win.
