“Love is Blind”: Why the Netflix show is my absolute straight nightmare (and my favorite love-hate series).
"I love you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Whenever these or similarly horrible words appear in Netflix formatThe first time I fall – and they definitely do – I get goosebumps. But not in a good way. Hear me out.
The reality show is based on the premise that dating has become far too superficial these daysand a much truer connection occurs between two people when they fall in love based solely on their personality and not based on their looks. To put this assumption to the test, Netflix invites what is almost certainly an even number of mostly norm-beautiful, stereotypically styled men and women to date in the infamous pods for 10 to 14 days without seeing each other. Only when one part of the couple proposes does the big moment come, and the supposedly in love couple can look at each other, touch each other and ride off into the sunset together.
For anyone who hasn't gotten into the "Love is Blind" business yet: Pods are closed studio sets in which potential lovebirds don't see each other, but where they can talk to each other - they are only separated by a (obviously not soundproof) Wall.
In January 2025, candidates from Germany will also flicker across our screens for the first time - anda lot has to happencriticismlet it fall. Among other things, the editing is criticized online: the events are supposed to happen far too quickly, and the engagement of Hanni and Daniel in the first episode in particular is an impudence. I'll put it diplomatically: For me, the average speed is the least of the problems with “LIB”.
That’s why “Love is Blind” is my nightmare – even when I’m single
“Love is Blind” is entertaining, entertaining – and for me, an absolute straight nightmare. While binging the show, whether it's the US, UK or German version, many thoughts run through my brain, but one thing keeps coming back: It's not that bad after all,to be. For example, when people who have been talking for three days confess their love to each other and describe themselves as best friends. These people don't have any? Or is it the editing that shows the interpersonal relationships in fast motion?
It is clear to me that “LIB” shows an exaggerated portrayal of dating, that the participants are in a crazy, extreme situation and that the editing makes the show seem even crass than it already is. But underlying the events in “Love is Blind” are dynamics and stereotypes that, as a woman who dates men, I know all too well – and hate. And they're not that far-fetched. Spoiler alert: It's not the editing of a dating show that's to blame, that's for sure.
First the wedding, then the love
Let's start at the meta level: the very, very urgent desire for one, which seems to drive these sometimes extremely young people. Since the first season of “Love is Blind” was released in time for the Covid pandemic, it has been absurd to me every time that the candidates want to reopen the marriage issue. Instead of first getting to know someone, building a relationship and then hopefully getting married, the first thing here is the desire for marriage at any price, apparently no matter who. After all, that's how it should be.
It is the right of the “LIB” candidates (and yours too) to wish for a wedding at some point in their lives, to dream of going to the registry office and to already know exactly what their own wedding dress should look like. What bothers me more is the outdated exaggeration of the “most beautiful, most important day in your life” as a life goal without making you a failure. Sounds crass, but I think it's exactly this radically traditional mindset that comes through again and again, especially among the US candidates.
Passive women, toxic men with choices
Another “Love is Blind” classic: the passive women who wait hopefully to be chosen by their beloved. Not once in the show did the scenario arise that several women were interested in a man, and instead of making an equal decision or even making an announcement themselves, the women keep waiting until the man decides Man decides - for example with Tolga, Hannah and Shila in the German edition.
That's the problem with the inherently exciting "LIB" premise: the targeted return to "real" dating outside of the apps is always accompanied by traditional, i.e. sexist, role models and the assumption that men are in charge when it comes to dating is reinforced itself. And before anyone thinks that this is just a harmless show: oneInvestigationhas shown that watching reality TV can make women more accepting of heterosexual norms (and even sexual aggression).
In general, “Love is Blind” (especially the US edition) is now being criticized, and in my opinion rightly so, for specifically offering toxic men a platform. Let's just remember USA flag freak JP, who constantly trashed the great Taylor because she liked to wear makeup, the comments ofBartise on abortionor Ramses, who declared sex with a condom a no-go. (Of course, exceptions prove the rule, because women are always the “LIB Villains”, such as Hannah from US season 7, who made fun of her fiancé Nick because he didn’t know what stocks were.) Maybe it should In any case, the strict “LIB” cut will in future be aimed at these candidates – and not at the love stories that the audience would like to find out more about.
“Is This What Heterosexuality Really Is?” Leider ja.
The worst thing about all of this is not the “Love is Blind” format per se, but rather: the dating world is really like that. These people are not bizarre characters who were cast in an absurd process and cause a stir on a reality show but have nothing to do with real life.
All I have to do is open one of my three dating apps and there they are, the guys who comment on a woman's weight, give vent to their lingering ideas about masculinity, and take every right to say anything that ever comes to mind went to their heads, while they expect the opposite from women.
A cliché that “LIB” uses again and again: the needy, lovey-dovey, annoying woman who restricts the guy who is just a chilled dude. Let's think of Chelsea (the supposed Megan Fox lookalike) from US season 6. Her relationship with Jimmy went straight into the history of the show - and here again: not in a good way. At the time, US magazine saidVulturethe Netflix show as the “largest study of the” and singled out the two of them in particular – a couple who are clearly not compatible and secretly hate each other. The two argued about whether Jimmy was allowed to have female friends (Chelsea thought: no), whether he was allowed to go to a bar every now and then (also here: no) or whether he liked her enough (we all knew: no).
Because just as the show promotes toxic behavior in men through its concept, it promotes it in women - and effortlessly brings with it the stereotype of the "hysterical" womancomes to light, who has to reassure herself every three minutes whether her sweetheart still loves her. “Is This What Heterosexuality Is?” askedVultureat that time. And I'm afraid for many of us the answer is yes.
The last unpleasant question that remains: Why do I, as an emancipated woman, still watch shows like “Love is Blind”? The answer to that is as simple as it is important: Because it is important to me to know what I want - and also what I definitely don't want.
