How to overcome loneliness? A few helpful tips
lonelinessis considered a “negative” emotion, just like anger, fear or jealousy. But it's actually not quite as negative as you feel at the moment. Because like all other unpleasant feelings, loneliness also gives us an important signal that we shouldn't ignore them. All of our emotions fulfill an important function. They can be an impulse that, if we use them correctly, can help usLifecan give us a new direction - and perhaps make us happier again in the end.
Overcoming loneliness: Why am I so lonely?
It is important to understand what causes thelonelinessis triggered. Even if it seems obvious, it does not necessarily go hand in hand with being physically alone. This is why, for example, people in a relationship can also feel lonely. Loneliness can arise from the need to have more social contacts, but also from the need to have closer contacts.
There are some common scenarios in which one can typically be lonely. Knowing them helps answer the question: Why do I feel so lonely? Only when you know your needs can you look for targeted solutions.
Overcoming loneliness after a breakup
If you have previously gone through life as a couple, it can be a big change to suddenly have to assert yourself as a single person. After oneMany people – women and men alike – suffer from thisand the pain of parting. There may even be a momentary fear: How am I supposed to cope on my own? It is natural to feel lonely in this situation, after all, an important person who was previously an active part of everyday life is missing. Distracting yourself by connecting with others, family and friends and going out with them is therefore a normal, helpful impulse and a good tip to combat feelings of loneliness.
Loneliness in a relationship
But it's not just after a separation that you can feel lonely - it can also happen in a relationship or marriage. This may seem illogical to some: How can you be lonely when there is always someone you physically share your life with? This way of thinking is a fallacy that often leads to people in relationships being suggested that they should be happy and content - after all, they have someone and everything must be good.
But loneliness is a reaction to external factors, for example when things like respect, emotional closeness, recognition and attention are no longer present. Sharing a bed with someone can make you feel lonelier than if you were to fall asleep alone. This form of loneliness is very real and should be an indicator to change something in or about the relationship.
Loneliness in old age
The older you get, the higher the likelihood that you will have to say goodbye to one or two companions. In addition, you can no longer leave the house as much - also due to illness - and social contacts are slowly disappearing as a result. Convenience can also be a reason - then you only realize much later that you have become lonely.
For many parents, the feeling of loneliness occurs for the first time in old age when their children grow up and move out. Psychologists then speak of empty nest syndrome. It is therefore important to be lenient with your own parents, as it may well be that they are suffering from a kind of separation pain during these phases, which is just as real as it is– which we also want to be taken seriously and recognized.
Loneliness at a young age
But it's not just seniors who are affected by loneliness; younger people can also suffer from it. For example, when they leave their familiar surroundings for the first time. The intensive use of social media and increased cell phone time are also leading to more and more young peoplePeopleFeeling alone and isolated and afraid of missing out (see:). Even if it only takes place virtually at first, the feelings are the same as those that can lead to loneliness in the analog world. But also the abundance of negative news, poor prospects for the future regarding the climate and economy and thatthat is favored by algorithms contributes to this.
Loneliness in the big city
In a big city like Berlin or Hamburg, many people live in complete anonymity. Unlike in villages or small towns, it is possible here to evade social control. However, what many consider attractive also has disadvantages. If you isolate yourself too much and lack good friends, it can happen that hardly anyone notices when you are feeling bad. A feeling of insignificance arises, which can lead to loneliness. It is therefore important when moving to a new city to make connections. There is still an opportunity to get out even after you have built up a social network.
Overcoming loneliness: What happens to people who are lonely?
Almost everyone feels lonely at some point in their life. The reasons for this are very different: Sometimes there is a specific trigger, sometimes it is thoughts that build up and lead to it. We feel loneliness, which signals to us that we lack contact with other people, a partner, love or something else in our lives that gives us support. When feelings of being alone arise, the following thoughts are often associated with them:
- Nobody is interested in me
- I'm all alone
- There is no one in the world who understands me
- How should things continue?
- Nobody feels as bad as me.
In these moments you feel emptiness, you feel excluded and isolated, unloved and abandoned.
If you don't do anything about these signals, loneliness can become chronic and even make you sick. Symptoms should therefore be taken particularly seriously. Below we describe the symptoms that are most commonly associated with loneliness. Both those who may be affected and their relatives should take these signs seriously.
Symptoms of loneliness: A feeling that everyone knows
It's not just the feeling of inner emptiness that suggests loneliness. Loneliness is accompanied by other classic symptoms that you should be aware of if you want to overcome loneliness. This is often missing
- Lack of enthusiasm and joy of life
- Persistent fatigue
- Lack of desire and drive
- bathe in self-pity for outsiders
- Self-induced social isolation
- inner tension
- restlessness
- circling thoughts.
Those affected become more and more withdrawn, which should be a signal to family and friends to offer help. Often the feeling of persistent loneliness can also be a symptombe.
If these points apply to you, it makes sense to think intensively about your own life situation and existing relationships and initiate changes in order to overcome the problem. The best thing to do first is to get to the bottom of the cause. And the question: Are you really lonely or does the feeling of being alone come from somewhere else?
Inner emptiness: These are the three phases of loneliness
Basically it can be said: the more negative the thoughts, the bigger the problem becomes and the worse the effects are in the end. And the harder it becomes to overcome loneliness. Many scientists differentiate between different stages, including the psychotherapist Dr. Doris Wolf. Among other things, she has the book“Overcome loneliness”written and basically names three levels of loneliness:
The short-term loneliness
The first phase often has a change inLifeunderlying. That can be moving,or quitting your job. Here the feeling of negative thoughts is often very strong, but for most people this goes away after a relatively short time.
The beginning of isolation
If you can't get past the first phase, the next one follows. You begin to suffer greatly from the feeling of being lonely and alone. The feeling affects life and everyday life. A vicious circle can now arise: those affected become more and more withdrawn, hardly see their friends anymore and overall social contacts become less frequent.
The constant loneliness
This is followed by the third phase in which loneliness becomes chronic and isolation and lack of interpersonal contact become the norm. This becomes a great burden for those affected and is accompanied by psychological pressure and unhappiness.
Tips: How do I get rid of the feeling of loneliness?
Anyone who feels lonely can feel acutely very uncomfortable. However, it is important to realize that in most cases the feeling of loneliness is temporary. A first tip is therefore not to necessarily want to overcome the feeling, but rather to come to terms with it first - and even enjoy being alone at times - if possible.
The conditions for this are not always easy. For example, if you see yourself in a negative light, it will be even more difficult for you to spend time with yourself. Meditation, exercise and self-reflection can help in the fight with your inner demons - even if it doesn't sound particularly attractive at first.
But what can I do about loneliness and how do I get rid of it? We explain with the help of psychotherapist Dr. Doris Wolf and her book outline the steps you can take to combat loneliness and give tips on how to implement them.
Step 1: Accept being alone (for now).
Even if it is not very popular socially:lonelinessbelongs toLifein addition. We tend to forget that in times of self-optimization, the gym and dating apps. Being lonely is seen as something that is unproductive and boring. It is a form of self-love to admit that you are helpless and sad right now. This is the only way to find a healthy way out.
It is also an act of self-love to get up again at some point, reorganize yourself and look forward again. When we are happy with ourselves and recognize our self-worth, independent of others, we feel less lonely and alone. OneStudy from the USA, published in thepsychology today, concluded that “wisdom” was a protective mechanism against loneliness. Wisdom here means, “more“To show empathy, self-reflection and better emotional regulation” for yourself. With this knowledge in mind, it is easier to find answers for yourself and your individual situation.
Step 2: Make new contacts, revive old contacts
Nevertheless, the desire to overcome loneliness is of course great. Once you've gotten used to different processes, it can be quite difficult to approach people and make contacts again. Sometimes it seems impossible to overcome loneliness. But here the first step is to get out of the door or out of your own cocoon. Because what we have to tell ourselves again and again: Other people also feel alone. You just have to find them. Whether over, in neighborhood groups, at sports or in clubs, there are people everywhere who also want to make contacts. O
Maybe there are still people who are important to us and who also care about us - we just let the contact slide? Here, too, it is worth rekindling acquaintances and relationships with old friends if they still have a basis. Often it's just the first step, the first call, the first meeting that seems difficult.
Step 3: Looking forward after a breakup
The loneliness you feel after a breakup is often temporary. Although it is felt particularly intensely (and that is completely okay), most people get over it after a while. You first have to adjust to the new situation. Once you've done that, you can look forward. Many people then feel relief and happiness. When one door closes, if we grab the blade, a new one opens.
Step 4: Seek professional help
However, if it becomes clear that you can no longer manage these steps on your own because the problem is already linked to depression, then professional help is appropriate. Self-help groups can provide answers and talk therapies can show supported ways out of isolation.
If you don't know where and how you can find help, you can first contact your family doctor. If that takes too long for you, you can call free of charge around the clockTelephone counselingcall. There is also a chat function on the website. The also offers further supportGerman Depression Aid Foundation. Apps like can also help you reflect on your ownMoodgymthat can help you even before therapy begins.
