Ending a relationship without stress and drama sounds impossible? We'll tell you how to do it fairly and respectfully.
Table of contents
In a world where we constantly focus on the positive things in a relationship, sometimes we also have to deal with the unpleasant things. Breaking up isn't always easy, but there are ways to end the relationship in a fair and respectful way. We'll tell you how it all works.
The right place to end a relationship
It is best not to meet in a public place where there are too many witnesses. Because tears are sure to flow. That's why the small, quiet ice cream parlor or the dignified restaurant aren't really suitable.
But it's not good for him or you either. Here one is always the guest and the other has the advantage. Better: outside, where both can escape at any time. For example, taking a walk in the park. This leaves both of them with an opportunity to retreat.
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The right words to end a relationship
Clarity is the top priority. No lengthy introduction about how much you still love the other person, kisses or caresses, but you should try to remain objective (as much as possible). Openly, clearly and clearly so that the other person understands it - but not with a crowbar either.
Stay polite – no matter what
If you want to end a relationship, be polite and kind. Treat him the way you would like to be treated in the situation. Above all: give him the opportunity to save face. If he becomes abusive, stay fair and objective yourself. Ultimately, he's only doing this because you're hurting him. You should make that clear to yourself.
Don't pay old bills
When you break up, it's not the right time for accusations and accusations like "You never...!" (Unless, of course, he treated you extremely badly and betrayed you). Otherwise, show human size and don't get involved in small discussions.
You don't have to discuss anything here because you have made your decision: you want to end the relationship. And you will have your reasons. Your goal: draw a clean line in the sand. You don't need arguments and revenge now.
Are you still unsure? Then do the test:
Little white lies are allowed
You realized you were never happy with him? Sex with him was always bad and you didn't find him really attractive either? In the end, maybe you didn't really love him at all? Even if all of this has become clear to you, don't tell him so harshly.
There is hardly anything worse than having one of your partners call you a “mistake” after years of dating. That's why it's better to keep knowledge that would hurt him badly to yourself (for now). If there is a clarifying conversation later, you can still explain your feelings - i.e. all of them, including those that will hurt him.
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No “I still love you” or physicality
This really doesn't help your now ex-boyfriend - even if it might make you feel better. Also hold back a little with physicality. It would only make him more miserable to feel your skin and breathe in your familiar smell (That doesn't mean you can't comfort him when he sits crying in front of you. There are always emergencies and exceptions!).
Stick to your decision
It really doesn't help anyone if you end the relationship and then become weak again when you see how much he's suffering. By doing so, you are only making things worse because he has the hope that the separation from you is not serious. That he still has a chance and just has to fight.
If you really don't want any more, don't get soft when you see tears. You're not helping him in any way. Don’t call it a “temporary separation,” “a break to think,” or “a time out” if you don’t actually plan to do that.
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Separating means: Keep it short
Don't make this terrible situation seem like forever for him. Get to the point, be sweet but clear and give him time to grieve afterwards. Ending the relationship first and then holding him in your arms all night would be the wrong approach.
Let's stay friends
Sure, no one wants to hear these words if they want more than friendship. But with the flower you should make it clear to him that although you want to end the relationship, he is still important to you as a person - even if you no longer see him as a partner. And when the time comes, you look forward to having contact with him. At least offer it to him (even if he will just laugh cynically about it). At least that's an offer to him.
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Relationship ended. And now?
Please no hourly text messages “Hey, are you okay?” or “I’m thinking about you” or “All of this hurts me too”. Just leave it. Every contact makes things harder for your ex-boyfriend. The poor guy has to go through hell now and it will be easier for him if you don't show up.
As soon as he sees you again or has contact with you, it starts all over again for him. The only thing you can do is make sure his friends are there for him now and look after him a little.
