What does it mean for a relationship if these three words are given?
When it comes to the meaning of “I love you”, one thing is certain: the bond between two people is constantly evolving. The “I love you” at the beginning of a relationship differs from that of a long -term. Love grows from day to day through joint activities, interests, worldviews and goals of life. The art is to support and strengthen each other so that common goals can be planned and achieved. UnconditionalAlso means the needs and wishes of: the partner: to respect and find ways to meet them together.
InAs so often, it is nice and easy. After the first dramatic “I love you”, both partners are sure to be intended for each other. Happy end. In real life, love declaration is much more complicated. Who says it first, when is it too early, when too late? And how often do you say “I love you” afterwards? Every hour, daily, only in particularly romantic moments?
The good news first: As so often, “normal” cannot be mentioned in this area either. Everyone is different, every relationship follows their own dynamics. This is also shown by a survey on the topic. The British opinion research institute YouGov wanted to know: "What was the shortest time after you have to say: a romantic partner: in said: 'I love you'?" The answers were surprisingly different.
What does “I love you” mean?
Most respondents take their time. 22 percent said “I love you” within the first three months. 14 percent even waited up to half a year. 13 percent, on the other hand, explained their love within the first four weeks. After all, six percent obviously thought about the matter very well and only said the famous three words up to a year later.
The survey of 3947 adults in summer 2017 also showed that the first “I love you” is not an unforgettable event for everyone. More than any: R fourth respondents (27 percent) could not answer the question at the time of the declaration of love.
The first “I love you” is just the beginning. Yougov examined in another survey on how the frequency of the statement with the length of the relationship changes. “I love you” were most common in two to five-year relationships. There was more than half of the respondents with a daily declaration of love. After ten years, only every third couple confessed their love a day.
How reliable is “I love you”?
But what does love actually have to do with “I love you”? In 2014, the dating agency “ElitePartner” found in a survey that the educational path could also have something to do with when and how often it is said. 45 percent of people without a university degree would therefore show their love every day, but only 38 percent of academics: inside. "Nevertheless, hardly any conclusions about the intensity of the emotional world can be drawn from the frequency of love spells," says graduate psychologist Lisa Fischbach from “ElitePartner”. "Possibly show [Academics: Inside] more reserved with statements about love, but maybe also because they are safe from their emotions and feel a deep bond that does not have to be constantly confirmed."
It can be complicated if partners say “I love you” very differently. Philosophy professor Aaron Ben-Ze'ev advises serenity. Executive declarations of love do not have to mean automatically that the emotional bond decreases. “With real love, acts count much more than words,” wrote the former president of the University of Haifa on the side of the specialist magazinePsychology Today."In the end, it is irrelevant who says 'I love you' first or who says it more often ... the decisive factor is the depth and the development of the relationship."
When is the right time to confess love with each other?
In addition to the question of how often you should say the magical three words, the topic of the right moment also plays an important role for many in love. According to an “elite partner” study from 2018, almost every fourth woman (22.7 percent) should: The new partners: first in the declaration of love, after which they also say the three magical words. In comparison, this motto applies to only 16 percent of men.
It is best to be as magical as possible. A weekend in Paris, in front of the Eiffel Tower or maybe during a walk on the shore of the Seine? In the favorite restaurant around the corner? Too simple, too special? No panic! It is much more than the right moment in the way. A deep and trusting view of the eyes, a loving hug or pats offer the perfect basis for pronouncing the three magical words. This can then also happen on the sofa during a cozy film evening. We recommend that you personally deliver the love message personally, just not in digital form.
“I love you”: The differences in men and women
It is a popular book genre in love stories: it falls in love faster, they are stronger. And that also completely corresponds to reality. An international study by the Irish University in Dundee interviewed 3000 people. The study shows that men need around 108 days to bring the words over their lips. On average, women take 15 days longer.
Exciting: the majority of people assume that women confess to their feelings faster. The study also examined when people admit themselves to love the other person for the first time. Here, too, men are faster. On average, after 70 days, think about a confession of love for the first time.
There is another way: rewriting for “I love you”
Many people are afraid and are unsettled how they should put love for a person into words. This is remedied by “I love you”.
If it is difficult, his: your partner: to put it in a “I love you” can descriptions like “You are the best that could happen to me”, “You are very important to me”, “I think all the time”, “It's nice that you are there”, “Thank you that you understand me”, “I like to be in your area”, “You miss me”. The creative alternatives are certainly well received by the other person, and thereby avoiding expectations and conflicts.
Many partners: inside prefer to see deeds. For example, how about a nice breakfast to the bed? Sometimes only attentive listening is enough. Communication consists of sending and receiving messages. The: The partner: In the after a stressful day, you can really listen to real miracles. It is similarly well with partners: inside when you watch and notice carefully when you need support. A “I do it” will help the relationship with a real upswing.
“I love you” vs. “Have you 'love”
And what about the two variants “I love you” and the shortened “I love you”? If you browse a little through online forums and ask friend: Inside, here is the clearly unclear opinion: everything is a matter of taste. While some find that only the long form is the “real” expressions of love, others keep “I love you” or even “love you” purely emotionally for exactly the same - just a little bit brisk. The situation is different with “I love you”, here people seem to agree: These three words are rather friend: reserved for the inside, even in parent-child relationships this sentence falls more often. For partners: For most, it must be “I love you” for most.
How do you react when “I love you” is not replied?
You dared to pronounce these three words and they were not returned? That probably doesn't feel good at this moment. But it does not mean that the other person has no feelings for you.
Everyone develops their feelings at their own pace. And while for you it was the right time to name these feelings, it may have been too early for the second person. That doesn't mean that there is no love between you. The non-wandering of “I love you” does not mean that.
It can help to have a respectful, open conversation about it. How does your: e partner: in over you? Does he need: you only have a little time or does he feel: you your relationship completely different from you? This honest conversation can clarify whether you develop in the same direction and want the same things.
If you have spoken out the words but have not been returned, it can feel stupid. Some are ashamed that they have misjudged the situation. It is all the more important to say to yourself: it is incredibly brave to say that.
And it is beautiful that you feel it. In such moments it is important to pay attention to yourself. Take your time to reflect on your own needs and emotions can help you to stay emotionally strong, regardless of the outcome of the situation.
What tips and opinions do couple therapists have: inside?
Birgitt Hölzel is a couple therapist and psychotherapist from the Munich practice Darling + SchatzAnd represent the opinion that you feel very comfortable when these magical three words push out of one out of one: "This can occur especially in the hot female phase if the body is flooded with the hormones in love and we have nothing else in mind and heart than our favorite people."
If the three words are not returned, Birgitt Hölzel recommends keeping a cool head and questioning his own expectations: “Is it about me and my feeling to you or is it about needing your response to be able to love you? To express my disappointment or sadness either creates pressure and my favorite person says it, but not from the heart, or he goes back. 'I love you' should not be the means to hear the confirmation from others. ”
Andrea Wohlfahrter is a psychological consultantAnd to consider yourself, to check yourself why you had the need to pronounce these words: “It depends on the importance of these three words or how they are understood by the other person. Does 'I love you' just mean that I want to share my feelings? Maybe it means that I combine a certain expectation? ” Should the words change something? And what does it change for me when both of us are not yet at the same point?
This is how it sees tooPaart therapist Hannah Gensch: “Question about how your: e partner: feel in and what he or she needs to take this step. Open, appreciative communication helps to avoid misunderstandings and find out together how you can continue to progress. Love is a process, and sometimes patience and understanding is needed - for yourself and that: the other: n. ”
She points out: “'I love you' is an expression of your feelings - it is not a contract that demands immediate reciprocity. See it as a loving step that opens a conversation. Do not expect your: e partner: in automatically feels at the same depth or replies these words immediately. ”
