While our children want to enforce their own head, their own opinion and their own thing more and more at the age of 13, 14 and 15 years, we parents often try to keep family life going. Everything had worked out so nicely over the past few years.
But the routines, the announcements of the parents and their general attitude to life now question a teenager. Often he goes so much at his parents that their statements, regardless of their nature, seem to bounce off it when they reach him at all. He really closes and withdraws.
Maybe that's just because the child wants to break away. Perhaps it could also be because we have to adapt the way we have communicated with our child so far. Maybe it's even wrong to try to still want to educate it.
Parents often commit these mistakes when it comes to penetrating their pubescent teenagers:
Lack of communication
Teenagers need freedom, we parents know that. However, you also feel misunderstood if we cannot really listen to you or not (can) take your perspective. We do not penetrate them because we do not communicate with them at eye level. The teenager is quickly convinced that his parents do not want to understand him.
It is therefore considered a parents to be particularly attentive to observe the child, his body language and also his mood (sulcing). Teenagers can find it difficult to open up to the parents. Actually, they want to be self -employed, but they still often reach their (emotional) limits. Therefore, we parents should accommodate them and take the time to listen to them.
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Excessive control
The paradox of puberty is that children are sick if you do not listen enough or ask, but can quickly slip it into the other. Namely when the teenager feels controlled because the parents want to know everything.
Too much control or the constant interfering in the life of the teenager can then lead to it feels patronized. He feels that the parents do not trust him. This in turn can lead to the teenager losing respect for his parents.
It is best to look for parents and teenagers together for the right balance between control and freedom.
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Unclear boundaries and rules
Despite the freedoms that you can and should give a teenager, he still needs limits and regulations. So that they do not appear indiscriminately and arbitrarily, you should communicate openly why they exist and that they are irrefutable.
If the limits and rules in the household are not clearly defined or if they are inconsistently enforced, this can lead to frustration and a feeling of rejection in teenagers.
Unrealistic expectations
If parents put too high or unrealistic expectations of the skills and behavior of their teenager, they can feel overwhelmed or treated unjust. From their despair, to be misunderstood and misjudged, they consistently face their parents.
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As a parents, you should therefore often question your expectations of the teenager. Are you realistic or do I still expect too much from my child?
No recognition for independence
At the same time, a pubescent child should have the opportunity to try out and prove himself. Teenagers want to be independent and show that. If parents attempts, undermine or do not recognize their attempts to take responsibility, this can lead to tensions. In the child, anger, frustration and resistance often arise in the child.
If young people feel that their decisions are constantly questioned or not recognized, they tend to stand more against parental authority. They are more and more alienated from the parents.
In order not to let it get that far, parents should recognize and appreciate the efforts of their teenager for independence. And so promote the healthy personal development of the young person. But be careful: recognition should always be authentic and respectful in order to actually have positive effects.
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Do not admit any mistakes
The biggest mistake in the upbringing of teenagers is to believe that you don't make mistakes. But mistakes happen to all parents. Anyone who has awareness of these mistakes and the willingness to question themselves is on a very good way to consolidate and improve the relationship with their teenager.
The most important thing in dealing with teenagers is to find a balance between closeness and autonomy. Trust, respectful communication and recognition of individual needs and developments are the key to a healthy parent-child relationship during puberty.
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