Raising your own children is always a very personal decision. There is no one path that everyone must follow. Rules that are essential for living together in one family do not play a major role in another. The goal that unites most parents is that their children grow up to be responsible, honest and self-confident people.
How parents ensure that their children always adhere to family rules is just as individual. Something that was always important to my parents was to teach us children that mistakes are a part of life. That sometimes things can or even have to go really wrong so that you can get into trouble and also that accidents can happen and things can break. It's not all that bad as long as you're honest (with yourself) and can admit that you've really made a mistake. I never received house arrest or a television ban as a consequence of a bad grade, being late or something similar.
That's exactly what I was reminded of when my son and a friend damaged a car while playing on their bikes. Not wantonly. But 'just' when playing. And according to both of them, they didn't notice it either. Until someone discovered the scratch.
After a detailed discussion, the case was closed for me. I was sure that my son understood what went wrong and that he should be more attentive in similar situations in the future. The friend's mother, on the other hand, immediately made it clear to me that her son was now grounded for a week. That she can't understand why he didn't say something right away and that behavior like that needs to be punished.
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House arrest: effective punishment or outdated method of education?
That was absolutely out of the question for me, for two reasons. On the one hand, I think that confinement to the house or room suggests to the child that the parents don't believe him, that it was an accident that he didn't notice. Imposing the penalty makes the incident a deliberate act of misconduct. But is an accident, like accidentally damaging an in-game item, really a misbehavior? Isn't it more of a carelessness that can happen to any of us?
The second reason why house arrest is not an option for me as a punishment is that I am happy when my children are outside. They should be able to move and romp around, scream around and let off some energy. Especially if they had to sit in the classroom all morning.
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And what does the child learn, in this specific case, once he or she has been grounded? If I do something, I will be punished for it - whether it was intentional or accidental. It makes sense to believe that the next time a child has a mishap, he or she would prefer not to say anything for fear of being punished. It's a vicious circle, because things like this usually come to light at some point.
What is much more important than punishment is teaching a child to own up to their mistakes and take responsibility. That doesn't mean that when my son confesses to me that he's broken or done something, I pat him on the shoulder and say 'well done'. But it does mean that I appreciate that he has recognized his mistake and that I am also happy to support him in making amends and help him face the consequences.
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House arrest: Can parents impose such a punishment?
Everyone raises their child to the best of their knowledge and belief. And just because I don't approve of something doesn't mean it's inherently bad. But when it comes to house arrest, there are actually a few things that are legally questionable.
In general, children have a right to a non-violent upbringing. This means that physical punishments, psychological injuries and other measures that degrade the child are prohibited. House arrest itself is in a legal gray area. Parents are allowed to place their child under house arrest as an educational measure, i.e. for their own well-being, for example by prohibiting them from attending an event or other leisure activities. The child must continue to attend compulsory schooling.
However, house arrest is prohibited if parents use it in the sense of deprivation of liberty, for example if they lock their child up. In this case, house arrest is a punishable offense. Deprivation of shared meals is also a punishable offense. In addition, parents are not allowed to prohibit their child from all social contact. That is also a punishable offense.
Whether parents have violated the law by imposing house arrest is usually decided individually. The child’s age and personality must also be taken into account.
Even if house arrest per se is not prohibited by law, it is still questionable what educational benefit it has. Parents hope that the child will recognize their mistake and not repeat it. But children tend to react to this with defiance. They understand house arrest as an injustice.
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How long can house arrest last?
Since a punishment such as house arrest is at the discretion of the parents and is in a legal gray area, there are no regulations governing its length. Some parents opt for a day of house arrest, for others it is a week, and still others forbid their child from leaving the house for free time for a month.
When it comes to the duration of house arrest, it is important that the child's dignity is not violated. In most cases it is (only) an educational measure, but that is also subject to certain rules. House arrest must not hinder the child's development.
Parents who feel like they can no longer cope with their child can always find helpParent telephonetheNumber against grief. The same applies to children. If you have any questions or problems with your parents, you can find them hereChildren and youth telephonealways an open ear.
Do traditional punishments make sense?
The problem with punishments such as house arrest, but also others such as a ban on cell phones, a ban on television or withdrawal of pocket money, is that the punishment is often applied arbitrarily and is rarely directly related to the child's misbehavior.
Parents demonstrate their power with punishment. It is also a form of blackmail. By threatening and enforcing punishment, parents may obtain the child's obedience because they are afraid that something will be renounced or taken away from them, but not insight.
Instead of punishing the child, parents should try to make it clear to their child that misbehavior always has consequences. In the example of the scratch on the car, there is no immediate wrongdoing, assuming that the boys really didn't notice it. But you can still show them what could have happened. And you can give them responsibility. Namely, telling the owner of the car what happened. That was also done. And the house arrest shortened. So in the end everyone learned something.
In general, the following always applies:Talking is the best way to educate children and teach them what is right and what is wrong. Younger children don’t worry about the consequences and consequences of their actions. They need to learn that sometimes things don't work out that way and that things can go wrong.
Parents should not try to protect children from small mistakes, but should give them advice on what to do if the mistake happened and how to avoid it next time.
If the child intentionally does something wrong, you should try to find out the reason why he did so. Particularlyfeel misunderstood by the world. They rebel against their parents because they are looking for themselves and their place in society. Even if it is difficult, parents should show understanding here to a certain extent and refrain from punishments such as house arrest as long as the child does not put themselves in danger.
Sources:
Federal Ministry for Family, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth
Important note at the end:The information and tips in this article are suggestions only. Every child is different and reacts in their own way. It is therefore important that you listen to your child and find out which path is best for you.
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