Independence is one of the most valuable skills we can give our children. Not only does it ensure that they later become self-responsible and...go through life, but is also a crucial factor for your mental health.
Because children who learn to make decisions and take responsibility develop strong self-esteem and a sense of control over their lives. But how do we teach our children these skills without overwhelming them?
Why independence is so important
First of all, a quick look at the scientific perspective: Independence is closely linked to the concept of “self-efficacy”, the belief that we have the ability to actively shape our lives.
Numerous studies show that children who learn responsibility early tend to have fewer fears, cope better with challenges, and have higher levels of emotional stability.
Another advantage is that they are also more successful at school and later in their professional lives because they develop a sense of what they can achieve themselves right from the start.
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Tips that promote independence
Every child is different and develops at their own pace. That's why it's important that parents support their child's independence, structure and the right support. It can look like this:
Small tasks
You can look at independence like a muscle. If it is trained sufficiently and persistently, it will become bigger and stronger. Therefore, start the path to independence with small tasks that your child can take on themselves. This can be as simple as tidying up your room, getting dressed alone or packing your satchel.
Any new task you give your child to do independently will initially take longer and be less “perfect,” but that’s completely okay. Practice makes perfect. And the more independently your child can master the tasks, the more their confidence in their own abilities will grow.
allowed to make mistakes
Many parents know the urge to do things themselves (quickly) to make sure they are done correctly. However, when it comes to raising independence, this is exactly wrong. Children must be able to experience that mistakes are part of the process and that they can learn from them.
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Small mistakes offer valuable opportunities to reflect on your own actions and do better next time.
Autonomy through freedom of choice
Children need space to. The feeling that their opinion counts and that they can influence their lives strengthens self-confidence.
It is important that as a parent you do not control everything, but rather give your child a certain amount of freedom. Set clear boundaries, but allow your child to make decisions within those boundaries.
routine and structure
Independence needs a framework. Children need reliability and structure to feel safe. If you regularly give your child tasks that they feel responsible for, they will quickly develop a sense of what they can and cannot do.
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A fixed daily structure that includes, for example, time for homework and personal responsibility is very helpful. The more a child knows what is expected of him, the more he can adapt to it and act independently.
Patience, support and freedom
Independence does not mean that you have to completely step back as a parent. Rather, it's about giving your child the support they need without patronizing them. Patience is required because independence does not develop overnight and every child has their own pace.
Sometimes there will be setbacks. The key is to encourage your child to stick with it and continue to take responsibility for cleaning up, planning activities, or completing tasks.
Explain the “why”.
Children often want to understand why they should do certain things. Then it's not enough to simply say: "Because I want it that way!" Explain to your child why independence is important. For example, you could say, "Tidying up your room will give you more space to play later and make you feel more comfortable." And if you do your homework yourself, you will be proud of the result because you did it on your own!”
The feeling that their actions have meaning motivates children to take responsibility.
How parents avoid helping (too) much
It is completely normal that as parents we feel the need to protect and support our children. In many cases, however, this comes at the expense of independence. If we take on all the problems for them, we don't give them the chance to find their own solutions and learn from them.
Our desire for control is often a sign of insecurity. As parents, we have to learn to let go and give the child the space to make mistakes without having to constantly interfere.
Independence comes from small steps, patience, trust and space to develop. When we teach our children to take responsibility, make mistakes and learn from them, we not only strengthen their abilities, but also their inner values such as self-confidence and self-confidence. And these are the basics you need for a fulfilling life.
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