Children not only absorb information like sponges, but they simply accept many things without questioning them further. This can do a lot of damage to their little self-confidence and their souls.
In order to raise our daughters and sons to be self-confident and independent, but also satisfied and balanced adults, we should never say certain things to moms and dads too. These 10 sentences are particularly important to avoid.
1. “Don’t eat so much sweets, otherwise you’ll get fat.”
Sweets are the greatest thing for little ones. Of course they want to pounce on it at every opportunity. But sweets alone don't make you fat. That's why it's much more important that we teach our children what a healthy and balanced diet is. Eating something sweet (or even more) is also allowed. And if you always move around a lot, you have nothing to fear.
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2. “I’m too fat”/ “I have to lose weight”/ “I’m not eating anything today”
Children copy their parents' behavior. If mom or dad goes on a diet because he or she feels too fat, and the children consciously witness this, then the likelihood that the daughter/son will adopt this behavior sooner or later is very likely.
Not eating is also not the right way to go if you want to lose weight. Things get better with more sport and exercise and a more conscious diet. You can read more about it here:
3. “I feel ugly”
We are superheroes to our children. If we say to ourselves that we think we are ugly, the childish image of us begins to shake. If mom or dad, who in the child's eyes are the most beautiful, greatest, most skilled and smartest women and men in the world, doubt themselves, this also creates doubts in the child and the feeling that they are somehow not enough.
And what's more, we should definitely tell our daughters and sons that beauty is always in the eye of the beholder.
4. “You did a great job”/ “That looks great.”
Instead of praising our children for a result they have achieved, for example a picture or a correct math result, we should praise their hard work and the work they have put in.
Because at some point in life there comes a moment when you have to work harder, stick with it and do even more to achieve what you want to achieve.
If children learn early on that sometimes the journey is the destination, then it becomes easier for them to put in the work. So no longer say, 'Wow, that looks great', but rather say, 'Wow, you really put a lot of effort into that'.
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5. “You can’t do that yet” / “You’d better let me do that.”
Not being able to do something and trying something and failing are two different things. So as long as the child's health is not in danger, children should be allowed to try everything themselves. And somehow they have to learn that sometimes you have to ask for help.
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6. “Typical boys”/“Typical girls”
No behavior, whether from boys or girls, is necessarily typical and should be dismissed based on gender. It is not typical and therefore okay for a boy to tease a girl or to use physical superiority or even violence to get her to do something she doesn't want to do.
And it's not typical of girls or okay to gossip, scheme or be 'bitchy'. Children must learn to evaluate the action and not the gender of the other person.
7. “Give xy a (farewell/greeting) kiss”
Children should not be persuaded to do something they do not want to do. They should learn that they have control over themselves and their bodies and that they can say no if they don't want something.
And even if Grandma is a little upset because her grandson doesn't want to give her a kiss today, that's just the way it is. Their problem, not yours and certainly not your child's.
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8. “Don’t mess around.”
Children discover their bodies in their own unique way. It is completely normal for them to touch themselves in their intimate areas or to take a closer look. If we forbid them to do this, we convey to them that it is something 'forbidden'.
Instead, we should explain to them that they are allowed to care about their bodies, but that it is not someone else's concern. So it's okay at home (maybe not when eating), but not on the bus, at kindergarten or in the supermarket.
9. “Stop Crying”
We all want our children to become confident and compassionate adults, but we don't admit to them some feelings because we're annoyed by them or don't want to cause a stir. So instead of telling a crying child to stop, it's important to find out why exactly they're crying.
Disappointment, sadness, anger, all of these can be reasons for tears and we parents should help our children get to know these feelings better and show them and explain how to deal with them.
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10. “Behave”
Children care about themselves and no one else. They do what they enjoy and sometimes don't do what others expect of them. And we shouldn't completely take away this carefree attitude with all our social norms.
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Something important at the end:Nobody – not even a parent – is perfect. It's normal that we don't always behave the way we want ourselves to, especially in stressful times.
If one of these sentences slipped out, don't be too hard on yourself and talk to your child or children about it. Explain to them the situation and your feelings that led to you saying something you regret. Even small children understand much more than you might think.
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