We are often not even aware of how we affect other people. And then we are surprised that we are completely misjudged. Insecure people in particular are often perceived as arrogant. What's behind it and what you can do about it in this case.
Table of contents
- What most people perceive as arrogant - but misinterpret
- Tips for insecure people who are perceived as arrogant
I was 15 years old when someone told me that I appeared arrogant to others. Nothing could have irritated me more because I was extremely insecure at the time. I was deathly shy, quiet and insecure. Such a discrepancy between self-perception and the perception of others was like a slap in the head.
Today, many years later, I suddenly read that this is exactly what happens to many insecure people. It's not the loud ones, the extroverts, the birds of paradise who are considered arrogant, but often people who are actually very insecure. How does this common misjudgment come about?
To better understand how we appear to others and to better assess others, here are some behaviors that we often perceive as arrogant but that are a sign of a lack of self-confidence.
What most people perceive as arrogant - but misinterpret
Apparent disinterest and isolation from others
Arrogant is someone who is self-absorbed, feels superior to those around them and usually has little interest in other people. He is too good for his environment and therefore stays away from it.
If someone stands to the side with their arms crossed, does not take part in conversations and remains closed, it can mean both things: it can show insecurity, but also real arrogance and rejection.
The problem: Since most people interpret things in a negative way, we often tend towards the second, negative interpretation. We think that someone is arrogant because they reject us, rather than seeing that they are holding back because they are insecure.
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Long monologues instead of real conversations
Other behavior is also often misinterpreted. Because even if someone stands at the center of a group and loudly monologues without engaging with their listeners or even seeking a real conversation, this can have two different reasons.
I know that myself too. Even today, even though I may appear extroverted on the outside, I am still a rather insecure person on the inside. I just compensate for it differently than before. Instead of remaining silent, I changed tactics. For example, by talking a lot whenever I feel unsafe in society. The more uncertain, the more extravagant my speech.
Unfortunately, many people perceive such behavior as dominant or extremely self-absorbed when someone speaks without a period or comma. At least they don't see his insecurity.
That's why you always look closely at the person leading the monologue. Does the person speaking think they are important and therefore do not look the others in the eyes, or is someone insecure, consciously avoiding looks and trying to cover up their lack of self-confidence by talking? Insecure people are often misinterpreted here. Often this behavior only serves self-protection.
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In society, someone is suddenly completely different than in private
People with low self-confidence are often afraid of being rejected. They are insecure in many interpersonal situations and therefore behave unnaturally, tensely and sometimes overzealously. They often slip into a kind of role and are hardly recognizable.
This extreme behavior usually only occurs in public, i.e. situations outside the comfort zone in which the person feels uncomfortable and stressed. In a familiar environment, these people are relaxed and completely different.
Tips for insecure people who are perceived as arrogant
So here are a few tips for everyone who recognized themselves in this article:
Tip 1. Actively get feedback from those around you every now and then.How do friends and acquaintances rate you? Do they feel you have changed in public and hardly recognize you? It's also exciting when you tell each other what you felt when you met for the first time. The most wonderful misjudgments often come to light here.
Tip 2. Analyze your behavior when you are in new situations in which you may feel uncomfortable.Afterwards, think about whether you were different from those in your familiar environment and whether that led to someone perceiving you in a completely different way than you do yourself.
Tipp 3.If you then realize that in such situations you are often particularly loud, laugh artificially and, for example, act too bold and extroverted,try to stay more within yourself next time.
Tip 4. Listen to yourself: What exactly makes me nervous and which behavior would suit me more?In this way you can ensure that your own perception and the perception of others gradually converge. However, the two will never be identical. And ultimately that's not a bad thing.
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Something important to conclude: This article is intended for informational purposes only. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you have massive problems and concerns. Nobody has to go through all the difficult phases of life alone. With that in mind: All the best and take care of yourselves!
