Papa's laughter, the dims of Mama - each of us certainly has many similarities with his parents. But in addition to the appearances, character traits creep in in the course of life, which we might not have expected so much.
Wasn't we clipped back then that we didn't want to be like our parents? That we will do everything differently? Sooner or later you catch how to write the girlfriend "drive carefully" or put things and clothes after your partner.
When exactly did that happen? Wasn't you just the rebellious teenager who always found these sentences from his parents so incredibly stupid? Didn't you want to be different? Deeply relaxed and relaxed with everything?
Mother subsidiary test:
3 factors shape us particularly
It is hardly surprising that we resemble our parents or our legal guardians in our behavior. On the one hand, of course, because we are genetically similar. BecauseScientific studiesshowed thatOur genesCollect the development of our personality in large parts.
In addition, however, there is also the environment in which we grow up, soour family or other legal guardians. The environment in which we grow up also has a decisive influence on our behavior. Just like our children, our behavior, our parents were our role model.
Nobody shaped us as strongly as our mother and our father. ""This affects settings, automatic behaviors, but also how we deal with feelings and closeness", Says the psychotherapist Dr. Silvia Dirnberger-Puchner, who wrote a book on the subject.
Nevertheless, there is still a third influence factor, namely thatContacts that shape us outside the family, for example, friends, role models such as teachers or trainers or good or bad experiences that we had to have and who shaped us.
Nevertheless, our parents are both genetically and through their role model function, an enormously formative factor for every child that we can hardly escape. And whether we want or not, you can tell us more or less in the course of our lives.
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As a daughter you become a copy of the mother?
As long as we are younger and fundamentally differs from those of the 'adults', these parallels are not really noticeable.
However, as soon as we get older and our lives are no longer so strikingly different from that of our parents through a steady relationship, a job and your own children, we notice that we have taken on our mother's security thinking, also have a home savings contract and think about buying a house Or whatever.
In a survey by the English online portal Netmum, the vast majority of women said that they had become more and more similar from their own mother from the age of 32. Ticks, rituals or certain formulations - hardly a woman who did not come up with in common with her own mother.
It's just stupid that we not only take over the positive characteristics from our parents, but also the bad ones. If it has always bothered that the parents have no real culture of dispute and have many problems returning under the carpet, they have to be aware that his behavior in conflicts was also shaped by his parents.
After all, you react quite intuitively and without thinking about it in a dispute and then we usually automatically take the path that we have had half of our life.
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Backgrounds: the brain, a habitual animal
Our brain is to blame, the old habit. It ensures that we automatically make certain actions without thinking about it. Simply because we 'always did it that way'.
In living with our parents, patterns are exemplified and shown. We save them and so patterns and structures develop in our brain, on which we orientate ourselves in life and that determine our actions.
„Over the years saved in the nerve cells are real tramble paths through recurring patterns of action.t ”, explains Dr. Dirnberger-Puchner.
But don't worry. We will not inevitably become a mini version of our parents. Dr. Dirnberger-Puchner says: "Every person is unique and incredibly rich in skills.“In her book, she explains how to understand and accept your parental roots, but can also actively change your life at the same time.
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If you want to do things better or differently than your parents, you should start with the most important point, says the expert: "First of all, we have to understand why we react as we react. Understanding the history of origin is the most important thing.„
Step two: On the one hand, the inherited behaviors should be recognized and appreciated, but also consider whether there are also some who are more of a hindrance to their own lives.
Because what doesn't fit can be tried to change. And that by looking at alternatives to action. For example, if you have never learned to say 'no' at home, and therefore always pull the shorter one in the job, you should work to take off your usual behavior patterns.
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Of course, behaviors that the brain once saved cannot be changed overnight. This can sometimes take years. But that is ultimately worth it for all bad habits and quirks. Not only the one we took over from our parents.
Fortunately, our mother and father also have many good qualities. So we should honestly ask ourselves: "Is it really that bad if I get a little like my mother?"
Book tip on the topic:
Dr. Silvia Dirnberger-Puchner: Will we like our parents? Goldegg Verlag
->See here directly on Amazon*
The book is for everyone who wants to understand how their past shaped them. But also for those who want to leave out unpopular habits and want to make peace with their past.
