Wanted childless: an expert explains why this decision should be normalized

I am 26 years old. The question of whether I want to get children was never one for me, but a fact. But the closer I go to the potential moment when it could be so far, the more I start to ask myself the whole thing as a question.

My girlfriend told me about the physical changes and the ordeal of her birth, and I also followed mothers who report on their everyday life - which show the realistic, sometimes unsightly sides of family life. I discovered mothers who question their motherhood, some even regret and then I encountered women who actively decided against a role as a mother.

Characterized by skepticism and criticism, the latter choice is above all. "If you don't want children, it's just selfish!" "You just haven't found the right man yet!" "How can you not like children?!" Sentences that are often normal for - consciously or unconsciously - childless women.

Every fifth woman in Germany has no children. Those who have actively decided against it are called children -free. Free and not -without because it is a free and self -determined decision by these women. Why do children -free people, especially women, face such a negative attitude in society? And: Are you really as selfish as the cliché says? Prof. Dr. Claudia Rahnfeld is a professor of social sciences and examined these questions in her study "Desired Childlress" together with Annkatrin Heuschkel.

"Women can still not please anyone these days," explains Prof. Dr. Rahnfeld in an interview. On the statement that children -free women are selfish, she has a clear answer: “You cannot seriously want women to become a mother only because of the social pressure. After all, you also have to think of the mother-child relationship. There are still women who, despite all the debates, cannot choose freely, I don't take myself out of it myself because this social pressure is enormous. And that's a big problem for the emancipation of women. "

But just because women don't want to get children does not mean that they basically reject children. The study shows that many of the women interviewed are very socially assessed and that the care of other children are happy to take care of.

Basically, the "internal mother wish", which at some point use with every woman, is a myth. 50 percent of children -free women make their decision before they are 21 and do not regret them even in old age. Socially, however, they encounter great resistance. Many women have to justify themselves, and quite a few use "more socially acceptable" excuses such as "It just didn't work" in order to be exposed to fewer attacks.

Men also actively choose a role as a father. In a subsequent study, the research team around Prof. Dr. Rahnfeld examine to what extent men are linked to the role as a father in society and how masculinity is defined these days. Her first forecast looks like this: "First results show that men are less defined by their social role as a father."

"As long as a child also contributes to the fact that women are rejected on the job market and as long as a child is almost exclusively reflected in a woman in the résumé and in which a man hardly at all, we cannot yet talk about equality," explains Prof. Dr. Rahnfeld.

Also Prof. Dr. Rahnfeld notices how stigmatizes most women in society when they choose children. In this rejection, she sees a clear cause: “This has deeply rooted social and psychological reasons. It is difficult for people to deviate from traditional family pictures because they offer security. A deviation is often perceived as an attack on your own life model. This can be seen in particular in the times of crisis in which we are currently located. ” But that cannot be the solution, says the scientist. “We have to talk more openly about the topic and start traditional ideas. This requires access to art, culture and politics. Political concepts should no longer be based on traditional family pictures. It takes new forms of care and equality. " So a rethink can only work for society as a whole.

Of course, reality must not be lost sight of. “The reproductive rate in Germany and Europe has been below the level for years that is necessary for maintenance. This leads to real social challenges such as the shortage of skilled workers. " However, Claudia Rahnfeld believes that it is too short to hold the woman responsible for this: “The question is how we deal with it: do we get stuck on old models, or are we developing new concepts? Integration could be a solution, but that's a political question. " The question of motherhood should be a consideration that every woman can do. Without pressure, without stigmata. Because women are women, not mothers.