“No Girls Girl”: Why women who lack solidarity are now being ostracized online

“Break up with your girlfriend because I'm bored,” sings Ariana Grande in one of her songs. In fact, it doesn't seem to be just a lyric for her: the singer has a past with taken men. She also received a lot of shitstorm last year when she made her relationship with her “Wicked” costar Ethan Slater public. The problem: At the time they met, Slater was married to his childhood sweetheart Lilly Jay and had just become a dad. Lilly Jay is now accusing Ariana Grande in interviews of having “spoofed her husband” even though they knew each other. She was disappointed by this lack of solidarity. Ariana Grande is simply “not a girls girl” because she doesn’t care about other women.

The Internet also accuses Rory Gilmore from the series “Gilmore Girls” of being “not a girls girl” and finds many scenes to prove this: There is the ballet performance in season 4, about which Rory writes a sharp criticism. She makes fun of a dancer and destroys her career by writing: “The ballerina's fat roll overflowed her bra.” All to impress her colleagues on the Yale Daily News editorial team. In the third season, she portrays her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend as a blonde "stupid" because she works in a manicure studio and used a word incorrectly.

These two examples show: You can be a “non-girls girl” if you destroy another woman's marriage, but also if you behave or express a lack of solidarity towards a woman in everyday life. Because behind both there is the same basic attitude: being a “girls girl” means that you put women first and prioritize friendships with women instead of focusing on men. Some talk about an unspoken etiquette, a so-called “girls code” that women have to adhere to. And this code can be summed up by saying that we women support each other in everyday life and this sisterhood is more important than the validation of men.

The “Girls Girls” reject catfights, bitchiness and other competitive behavior between women. They aren't eitherwho want to be different than other women. The “Girls Girls” are the good guys. It’s all the more painful when you’re called “not a girls girl.” Even though it sounds more harmless than “bitch,” it says the same thing. Actually, it's even worse, because behind it lies the accusation that the "No Girls Girls" are not only mean and devious, but also bad feminists. They are committing betrayal of Female Solidarity.

But it's not that simple. Because in reality there is no set of rules that tells us how a perfect one should behas to behave. So why do we always have to set such unattainable standards for ourselves? We can't put women in boxes that say "Mean Girls" and "Girls Girls." Of course, it's morally wrong to hit on a married man. But the narrative that the woman is the evil seductress who turns the head of the forgiven husband is also misogynistic. Such stories have nothing to do with feminism, but rather just pit women against each other.

You don't have to love every woman just because the only thing you have in common is the same gender and then call that feminism. Feminism is a political movement, not a TikTok trend. The singerputs it this way: “Feminism means demanding equal rights for women. Does that mean you have to like every woman you meet? Of course not. That would be crazy.”