Excretion about his relationship problems or get upset about the stressful boss is something that you only like to do with the friends. After all, such conversations are one of the very natural moments of a good friendship, right?
However, one speaks of "emotional dumping" if no consideration of the mental state of the other person is taken into account. So a conversation can quickly become a tear test for the friendly relationship ...
Friends as a human dump
It is completely normal to let out about your own life with friends. Such conversations deepen the bond with each other and create intimacy. But when you replenish your problems and feelings like garbage in others, one speaks of "emotionally dumping", in German "emotional unloading".
Dr. Karin Sternberg is a psychologist and researches the basics of harmonious relationships. According to it, there is a significant difference between healthy "drain" steam and emotionally dumping: there is no consideration of the other person. If it is texted without a point and comma without thinking about whether the caregiver has enough energy or time for the conversation, the balance in the relationship falter. Who only wants to be there for the other if there should actually be one and take?
The crowd makes the difference
It is important for the psychologist to emphasize: "If that only happens once, or rarely, then you can still overlook it." Because the amount is crucial for emotional dumping. However, if a partner always talks about the same problem without working on a solution, this can put a lot of burden on friendship or relationship. The exception: The cut topic is pre -contaminated for the*The interlocutor. "Then a border was exceeded at once."
You overwhelm the other person, there is no gratitude not to work on a solution, you are only focused on your own needs.
Dr. Karin Sternberg
Unconscious load
Most of the time, the draining people are not even aware of the extent to which they show this behavior and how much they can burden their friendships with it. In response to the ongoing behavior, the other person often distances himself, which suffers from the connection and intimacy.
If we are constantly confronted with the problems of other people, this can also have bad effects on our own psyche. Often the caregivers take the load in their own everyday life and carry them around with them, according to Dr. Sternberg. You often have enough to struggle with your own life, and no more mental resources for the problems of others. Problems with coping with stress can be the result, but also physical complaints such asSleep disordersOr headache. Affected people are often overwhelmed and break in under the emotional load - because no one has the capacity to think or feel for two people.
Missed limits
Often the border of the interlocutor is exceeded long before it appeals to the situation. According to Dr. Sternberg is due to the fact that you often cannot put into words yourself exactly what happens in friendship or relationship: "If you are not aware of something, then you can't do anything about it."
In addition, many struggle with feelings of guilt if they cannot assist the person concerned. Isn't it exactly the unrestricted emotional support that friends are expected from? Those affected do not want to offend the other person: "They are afraid that they may lose their friend, their partner, and then they don't act either."
The question is: Up to which point in time do I have to be there if this behavior takes place at my expense if I feel bad?
Dr. Karin Sternberg
Setting borders is often easier to say than done. How do you start communication on such a sensitive topic? The psychologist advises to work with ego messages instead of throwing the other blame on the head. "I feel overwhelmed at the moment" or "I wish you would also ask me more often how I was doing". With your feelings, you cannot attack others personally, says Dr. Sternberg: "Everyone has the right to feel as they feel".
What to do if you show this behavior yourself?
It is completely natural to show such a behavior every now and then. But if you notice yourself that you burden friends with it, it is time to reflect on your own behavior. "It is very important that you just ask yourself:" Does the person have time and is at the moment ready to talk about it? " Sternberg. And in case of doubt, you should also accept a no.
It is also crucial to be open to the other's advice in order to work together on a solution. Often, however, you can also help yourself: “Just come out of the apartment,GratitudeWriting, doing relaxation or doing sports. " It is important to reflect on your own behavior and also go into the other person.
Balance as a key to emotional dumping
Mising up friendships as emotional dumps can put a strain on the relationship in the long term. But even if you want to talk more about your problems over a longer period of time, this is completely okay in a friendship as long as the limits of the other person are respected. Like Dr. Sternberg aptly says: "We are all human and I always advocate showing this humanity." It is about keeping an eye on the best for each other and paying attention to the needs of the other - because balance is the key.
