If you want to be a good father, note the 7 pillars of being a father

As the saying goes:It is not difficult, but father being very much - and there is something on it. Because to get a child, life, as you knew it so far, changes fundamentally - at least when you take your father's role seriously. That should be a matter of course, and it is increasing, but unfortunately not always.What is important in the father, can be moored using seven pillars.

The requirements of fulfilling his parenting mandate as a parent is always a mammoth task. And this is also determined by many external influences: family situation, number of children, jobs and much more. However, however the starting point is, the aspects listed here always come into play.

Maybe let's start at the forefront: at the. Here already the course is set for what kind of father you will be. Because whether wanted or unintentional: dealing with the information, becoming a father has an impact on the- and of course on understanding the partner of how to deal with this task. In the best case, this happens together, in respectful interaction with each other. And that starts that the changing circumstances are accepted together.

Because it is clear that the birth of a child (at least the first time) is new, scary, exciting. But in order to be able to master such a huge task at all, you have to accept them first- and accept that such lifelong task as the as good as possible is never possible. Every father also makes mistakes. That is part of it - and makes you a better dad when dealing with it correctly.

Michael E. Lamb, one of the most profiled fathers researchers, is of the opinion that children benefit enormously if their fathers are "companions, nursing staff, partners, protectors, role models, the instructor in moral questions and teachers". And we can only agree with that. Studies in which the development of children, whose fathers have fully contributed to child education, show that on average, these children are more sensitive, have better self -control and are more intelligent than children of fewer present men. So we not only do something good for ourselves and the children, but also to society if we take our father role seriously, so: we devote ourselves to the individual pillars of father being piece by piece.

It may sound incredibly banal, but it is one of the most important things you can give your child and that make sure that it develops healthy: time. You just have to be there for your child. Development research is agreed on this worldwide. And that doesn't mean that you are permanently there - how should it work if you still want to make a living, go to sports and meet friends? But: Every child needs parents for a healthy development who are basically there and take the time; Time that you only dedicate to your child.

This also means if you have a full -time job and the child is in the daycare or school during the day that you take this time for your child in the afternoon/evening, be it only an hour. But during this time you should deal intensively with your child, so that it realizes that dad is there for me. You should also take yourself together on the weekend, especially and especially in the early years. Because as strenuous as the first few years, they not only lay a solid foundation for a healthy development of their child, it is also a time that they can never spend with their child later in this intensity.

Studies have proven: Until your child comes to school, you have already used 40% of the potential time with your child. After twelve years, 75% of the parent-child time is over. After that, friends, partners and other things become more important for your child. Therefore: Be there for your child as much as possible. It is all the higher the likelihood that your child would like to spend time with them later than adults.

Many of the columns listed here are of course associated with each other, but there are differences. After all, it does not necessarily mean because you spend time together that you are also caring as a father. But of course you should be. Because only if the child feels every day that the parents are there, take care of and take care of the child's well -being, can it start with a solid basic trust.

This also includes that as a father, you can get yourself as a mother and you emancipate yourself from outdated gender roles. Sure, breast breast can only take over, but that's really the only one. You can do everything else as a man as a woman - and you should do that too! This also includes doing things that are not necessarily one of the most pleasant like changing diapers, wiping away baby chunks and calming down his screaming child when it tears out of sleep in the middle of the night and you are still dead tired.

And if you are really serious about wanting to be a good father, do not calculate your partner who recently changed the diaper or got up last night. Just do what needs to be done. In a functioning relationship in which you pay attention and deal with each other with respect, you share the forces and capacities in accordance with the forces and capacities - and you should do that too. Spread thoughts like "Now I have to do this or that again for my child, actually the*the other one would be" out of your word and thought. Just be a good father and show your child the necessary care. Because that a father brings the same abilities to take care of and raise his child, like a mother, have long since proven studies.

A point that is of course closely linked to the first two points is to build and allow physical proximity whenever your child demands them. However, this includes accepting the same if your child is not in the mood for closeness - that should also understand itself. But especially babies who cannot talk yet need physical closeness, through which they can feel and smell their parents. It is not for nothing that freshly released babies are immediately put on the bare skin to their parents so that they feel: mom and dad are there.

But even later, when your child goes to the daycare or school, physical closeness is important. Regardless of whether your child has to be cried and comforted or is happy and his friends want to share with them with them- be there for your child and show him closeness through cuddly and cuddle units if your child feels the need for it. If your child knows that it can always come to you and, in the truest sense of the word, with open arms, you have already done a lot right.

The physical closeness naturally also includes emotional, if your child has not only a basic need for physical, but also by emotional closeness. It must know at all times and be able to rely on the fact that they are loved and that they are always there for their child. This does not mean that you don't argue or are angry with each other, and that is also part of family life. But your child must know that a dispute or an argument has no influence on her love for him and can trust that her love as a father himself cannot be shaken by the greatest argument.

From the beginning, every child has a basic trust in its parents, from whom they assume that they will take care of. Do everything to break this basic confidence! Because once this trust is damaged, it is very difficult to kitten again - and that can have a terrible impact on your child's (emotional) health. Therefore: be there for your child. Always.

A point that may explain themselves for many, but which is therefore no less important: be a playmate for your child. Here, too, it does not mean that you always have to be gun at foot at any time and at any time if your child wants to play with them. And it is also perfectly fine when there are games that you don't want to play with your child. But in principle you should still show interest in your child's game behavior and take part regularly. Because not only that your child explains the world piece by piece by playing and thereby finds access to the diversity of life, it also opens up the possibility that your child will perceive her in other roles and not "only" as a father.

Of course, your child will get to know you in different roles over time without playing together, but it is usually more fun in a playful way. And to laugh together, to make nonsense, to compete with each other and to exchange ideas with each other in the game, is something that is extremely important for children - as if it may be banal.

A father has tobe - clear anyway, right? But please do not understand us wrong: This does not mean that you always have to be perfect, if only because it is completely impossible. But they should always be authentic and - also extremely important to their child. This can also mean that you show your child's anger, if it has not reacted to your request for the umpteenth time, please do not shoot the kitchen door in the house. Or that you cry before your child when you feel like it. On the contrary: show your child exactly these facets that are part of life is extremely important. Because even fathers have the right (if not the duty) to show feelings - especially their child. This is the only way to get a lived impression that this is part of being human, and that you don't have to be ashamed when you show and allow feelings.

To be a role model, however, it is also part of the fact that you show your child how to behave within a society - and this is a point that is becoming more and more important in broken times like this. Because a child will only deal with other people with respect if you show him. This includes encountering other people (in particular the other parent) and encountering the child at eye level; That you take each other seriously, that you are open and facing, exchange ideas and are empathetic to others. In short: that, especially as a father, one tries to be a good person that the child can understand as a role model, especially as a father.

Of course, this also includes talking to your child: that you share your own thoughts with your child and asks for an assessment, just as you have to have an ear for your child. Important and unimportant things should be discussed. Because only then you arrive at the last pillar.

If you have taken the previous columns as well as possible, you may succeed if the child is older to be a partner for the child. The term "partner" is deliberately chosen neutral, because what this means for every single child (and every father) in depth certainly differs immensely. But what can there be nicer than if an older, perhaps even grown child has the feeling that his parents are people who trust, who take you seriously, who are always there for you, to whom you like to contact problems and/or questions that are important to you, and with whom you like to spend time as an adult? Even.