"I want to be the father to my son that I never had myself." Esquire Townhouse star Malick Bauer on a new generation of men

Esquire Townhouse.The Esquire community is meeting for the third time, this year on November 14th in Berlin. The concept in just three words: talks, workshops, party. This time we want to talk about modern masculinity – cosmopolitan, clear, with attitude. Our choice fell on three good guys, one of them:Malick Bauer– from whom we can learn so much in life in his roles. For example about masculinity. And this also raises the question:How do you teach the next generation to be a good guy? We talked about this with actor Malick Bauer,who is not only an exceptional talent, but also the model father of an (almost) five-year-old son.

Esquire: There is a post of you on your Insta channel where you are carrying your son on your shoulders and you wrote that you are blessed to be a father. What exactly did you want to convey with that?

Malick Bauer: It starts with the pain in me that my own father wasn't in my life for long and so I know: That's not a given. I was six when my father returned to the Ivory Coast. From then on we only had very sporadic contact. Here a letter, there a phone call. Not the way you would have needed it as a son. That's why it's now very important to me to be the father to my son that I never had myself.

In one of the first scenes ofSam – A SaxonDo you say in your role: “Only those who have heard the cry of a woman in labor in the hour of birth understand the true meaning of life.” Would you also agree with this sentence as Malick?

Absolutely. In this birth situation I also understood why men once thought up patriarchy.

I'm a relatively tall man at 1.93 meters, but I've never felt so small as I did the moment my wife gave birth to my son. This is simply the essence of life, this completely truthful thing; something that you always strive for as an artist. I also remember how, with the birth of my son, I suddenly realized that my weakest point was no longer within myself, but outside of myself.

Your son will be five soon. What values ​​are you trying to pass on to him now?

First and foremost, the basics of togetherness. That you treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself. At the same time, it is also important to me that he can express his emotions. He should not blindly subordinate himself to social norms of decency, but rather remain authentic. And that's not easy given the amount of social castration you're subjected to.

Would you consider yourself to be a good father?

I'll try it. But it's not my place to judge. My son will have to answer this question at some point.

Gender issues are very much in focus today. How do you approach the challenge of understanding, understanding and classifying the topic as a father?

It is very important to my wife and me to sensitize our son not to discriminate against other people - in whatever form. There will also be a time when I will talk to him about gender theories, but it is not now. Nevertheless, you have to lay the foundation early on to always treat other people with respect.

Another topic I can only speculate about is racism. I'm assuming that you have experienced racism in your life. Have you noticed that your son has also been confronted with this?

My son is “white passing”, he just has a white mother. So far he has been spared from this, but it will be interesting to see what it will be like for him: as the son of a black man who, read differently, walks through society. And of course his face and hair color can change again. I have a lot of question marks about how things will work out for him. But I know: I have to be there for him later when it comes to these questions of identity.

Being a father also means constantly pushing boundaries. Something you obviously know from your job as an actor. Do you feel like this helps you in your dad role?

From the Greek comedyThe self-torturerThe poet Terence has the beautiful sentence: “I am a human being, nothing human, I think, is alien to me.” That is exactly what acting is all about: developing empathy – no matter for whom. And empathy is an important pillar of fatherhood. I used to often hear sentences from my grandparents like: “You can probably expect that.” And also: “But that’s not right.” I have freed myself from that because I know how important it is to express feelings to let yourself out. If you can't do that, you'll eventually become a person who vegets along, hunched over and battered by life.

What do you want for your son?

I hope that he finds out for himself very early on where his place is in this world. And that he follows it with a lot of pleasure and fulfillment; that he has people in his life who accompany him on this path as a chosen family; that he remains authentic and independent; can become someone who makes their own decisions and endures it when they encounter headwinds; that he becomes a mature and honest person; that he has principles - even if they aren't mine.