How to get over relationships that never were

Anyone who has ever had oneIf you've been there, you know how painful it can be. A supposedly happy relationship falls apart and you lose a person who once meant a lot to you and probably still does. In the worst case, it wasor the desire to end the relationship is not mutual. That's particularly painful. Separations from non-relationships, i.e. partnerships that weren't real, are similarly painful. What it's all aboutwhy it's so hard to leave non-relationships behind and how you might be able to do it after all,we have worked it out.

Non-relationships are something like relationships, except that they aren't officially relationships. There are different types of this interpersonal relationship. In some forms, people get closer, have sex, and spend a lot of time together without labeling the arrangement. One person may perceive this as a relationship, but to the other person it is clear that they are not together (scenario 1). Then there is this, which as we all know is usually just a short-term phenomenon, especially when a person feels more than just friendship and physical attraction. Even though you're not together, being together still feels like a partnership (Scenario 2). And then there is the most difficult form of all non-relationships: the one-sided and friendly version. In this case, two people are good friends until one person (un)consciously starts to feel more. She starts oneto lead without the other person finding out about it (scenario 3). As you can see, non-relationships can be anything. Basically, they describe all human relationships that feel like a relationship somewhere, but are not a firmly agreed partnership? regardless of whether you get closer romantically and physically or not. And unfortunately this is often not entirely unproblematic.

Non-relationships are often not declared as such but are not given a name. This is also what makes it so difficult to tell whether you are in a non-relationship or not. Based on experience, we can say that we have probably all had a form of non-relationship that we may not have even been aware of. It's only when it falls apart that we realize that we're somehow not coping well with it. The problem with non-relationships is that they are commonand one party may feel more for the other person. It is the imbalance, the unrealizedness, that makes non-relationships potentially painful. Even if it doesn't necessarily require the label of a partnership? at least you can do one toolead without calling them that?, this limits the scope for action and opens up the field for ambiguity, negative thought spirals and hurt feelings. A non-relationship doesn't always have to be problematic, but it usually becomes problematic when it ends. The separation from something that supposedly wasn't there is stressful and difficult to process.

are never pretty. Anyone who has ever found themselves in the shambles of a past relationship knows what we are talking about. If you separate from your long-term relationship, there is great understanding and compassion. People whose non-relationship breaks up at some point, on the other hand, often fear that their pain of loss is unfounded. You have the feeling that others don't take the relationship seriously or don't understand why you are so affected, after all, you weren't even together. The fact that non-relationships can be just as intense as partnerships is often underestimated. Feelings often develop independently of formal labels, and the loss of that emotional connection can be just as painful. The ego is bruised, especially if one feels that the other person did not have the same feelings or did not take the relationship seriously. The problem with breaking up non-relationships is often the nature of the ending. In formal relationships, there are often (or at least there should be) rituals or conversations that help bring closure. These are missing in non-relationshipsoften, making it harder to come to terms with it emotionally. Because the connection was never clearly defined, there are many unanswered questions and uncertainties about what the relationship really meant. These open questions stand in the way of the intention to draw a clear line in the sand. Maybe you had the hope or even the expectation of breaking out of the non-relationship and entering into a serious partnership. If that doesn't work, it's disappointing and difficult to accept. The combination of ambiguity, unrealized feelings and the mistaken belief that grief over non-relationships is unjustified makes a separation so incredibly difficult.

Dealing with a breakup is rarely easy. People who have had a non-relationship have a particularly difficult time, even though on paper they weren't even in a relationship. We have already made it clear several times that the label does not determine the dimension of grief. And you should be aware of this as soon as you come into the relevant situation. It's not easy, but with this guide you'll at least be in a better position:

1. Accept feelings:The first important step is accepting that your feelings are legitimate. Even if the other person might want to make you know that you weren't even together (), it's completely okay if you felt differently. And that's why it's okay to be sad, disappointed or hurt right now.

2. Reflect:Even if it's painful, you should focus on yourself and the non-relationship. What was good and what didn't you like? What did you learn from it? And, very important: What do you want to do differently in the future? It's always easy to idealize the relationship after the fact. Therefore, you should try to maintain a realistic picture of the non-relationship and your own actions.

3. Set boundaries:Especially when theor the other person doesn't even realize that they've just broken up (for example, when they meet someone new), it's important to gain emotional distance. Reduce contact, temporarily avoid it completely, whatever suits you.

4. Do things that are good:You can find this tip in every guide thatshould. Even if it sounds a bit trite, it's important to do things that are good for you now. This can include exercise, journaling, meditation, or other activities.

5. Exchange:Non-relationships are also worth mourning. Those close to you will understand this, so don't be afraid to talk to others about your feelings. That helps!

6. Be patient:Healing takes time. To deal with a non-relationship, you have to be patient and give yourself enough time to get over it.

7. Seek professional support:If nothing else helps and you have difficulty dealing with the situation on your own, you shouldseek.

It's not easy to process non-relationships, especially because it's not easy to grasp non-relationships at all. The most important thing you can do on the path to healing is to give yourself time and accept your feelings? and to think carefully about whether you should get involved in such a non-relationship again in the future.