These 6 habits are poison for our mental health - and these tips have therapists against it
Regularly practicedcan be positive about the mood and spiritualhave an impact. Sometimes you don't have to establish new habits to feel better, but let go of old patterns, have sneaked up (partly unconsciously).
Because experts are certain: many everyday behaviors candamage in the long term. The difficulty: some of them are so deeply rooted in us that we hardly notice that they burden us again and again or spoil the mood.
That is why we have asked five experienced therapists to call us the most common habits that they would like to have people would put them off for the benefit of their mental health. The experts explain why the habits are so insidious - and what alternative behaviors can be trained instead:
1. Spend a lot of time of the day with brooding - and not with reality
It is quite normal to think about things (or to worry) that have happened in the past or could happen in the future, explains Dr.Elisabeth Morray, Psychologist from Boston. Of course, mental energy is brought up, for example to reflect on the argument with the mother last night or to ask yourself whether you get the long overdue transport or not.
Reflection can help to learn from past mistakes, to plan a look into the future. But: we should become aware of howmuchTime we spend with such thoughts. Because the mental hustle and bustle also tears us from the present and prevents us from what we dostraightExcrees, experienced in full, explains Dr. Morray.
Anyone who stuck in the vortex of their own thoughts not only misses their own life, they also put their mental health into play in the long term: “The focus on the past is often withconnected and the focus on the", explainedRebecca Hendrix, Psychotherapist from New York. “If your thoughts are caught in the past, you will often do what you did back then - and if your thoughts concentrate on the future, you could act in a way that concentrates on something that is still did not happen at all, ”adds Dr. Morray.
For example, you avoid an important conversation because youFeared,that it escalates in disputes or hesitates the beginning of a project because oneforesthat the boss will not like it anyway.
How it can be better:Dr. Morray proposes the defusion technology to gain distance. Instead of saying: "XY is bad", you can say: "I have thatThoughtsthat XY is bad. " "It only seems to be a small change, but the memory that it is only a thought and not the fixed reality can help combat negativity in the long term."
2. Use negative consequences as motivation
Anyone who has ever said: "I can only go to the toilet if I have done this" or "I can't lunch before I have not completed this task", this bad habit has succumbed.
Unfortunately, what works like self -discipline at first has the mental effect that we are punishing ourselves unnecessarilyLisette Sanchez,Psychologist from Long Beach, California. Because if you do not do something in a certain way or at a certain point in time, that's completely okay. "You are an adult with free will, and you can create other systems that help you do things," said the expert.
But not only punishment to also use the promise of a reward as a motivation can be a slippery affair. It is certainly helpful from time to time to say to yourself that you get a little reward, e.g. a Matcha latte when you do a task. But over time there is a risk that we will strengthen the misconception that we only earn something good if we make an effort.
How it can be better:Make the task more comfortable. We don't need sugar bread or whip to do something, says Dr. Sanchez: “You can eat the sugar bread,whileThey do something. " Say why not just drink a Matcha latte,whileYou dig through the emails instead of afterwards. If you make a (difficult) task more pleasant, it is easier to concentrate on it and to finish it.
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3. Compare to others
Most people probably know that it does not bring anything good to take the success (or failures) of others as a yardstick for their own. And yet it is in human nature to judge where you are in comparison to others. "We are constantly trying to find out: 'Am I better?', 'Am I worse?', 'Am I smarter?', 'Does this person have more than me?'" Says Elisabeth Morray.
"Once you see yourself how you react to other people, you will find out how quickly you will be drawn into the evaluation and assessment." This is particularly striking - and dangerous - at, where people tend to only share highlights of life.
How it can be better:It is unlikely to be able to park this behavior completely, says Elisabeth Morray. However, it can be helpful to draw attention to yourself in a non -valuable way. For example, by pausing and thinking: “I just noticed that I compare myself to this person. Isn't that interesting that I do that? "
"This observation can reduce your own reaction and interrupt the negative spiral," said Morray. "It sounds silly, but if you pause for a second, you may have the liberating realization that this thought does not require a reaction ... and you can let go of it immediately."
Those who suffer from envy or self -comparisons very often advises Dr. Sanchez not to deal with why, but rather to focus on eliminating the triggers. A direct way to do this: avoid social media (at least for a while). "We all want to be able to simply look forward to others if they seem to have a good time and post that - but sometimes we don't have this mental capacity, and that's okay."
Just as you would leave a party, if you feel uncomfortable, you can stay away from online content that has the same effect.
4.. Often reduce yourself or practice self -criticism
Many people do not compare themselves with others, but have become negative self -talk or have accusations for something they (not) said or (not) said.
The problem: Such critical thoughts can easily degenerate - by putting ourselves down. For example when you say to yourself "I always go wrong, or I'm never good in Y," explainsTracy Ross,Pair therapist from New York. These generic negative self -exploits are particularly stressful, but also less obvious skills are problematic.
"The use of words like 'should' or 'must' in connection with things that do not represent moral obligations, such as to say yourself that you clean orto driveshould, as well as the reduction or trivialization of your own performance, everything is subtle examples of self -shame, ”explainsShira Collings,Therapist from Newtown, Pennsylvania. "If you harass yourself in this way, this can reduce self -esteem and, in the worst case, contribute to depression and anxiety," says Collings.
And: This kind of comments demotivates us. Because it is much more likely that they will lead you to withdraw and your goalsnotPersecuted, adds Collings.In a studyWith athlete: inside and musicians: Inside it was found that self -criticism is negatively related to the motivation while inanother studywas associated with brooding and procrastination. Or as Ross puts it: "paralyzes self -criticism to harsh self -criticism, weakens and stands in the way."
How it can be better:Similar to point 3 - keep negative self -talk. “If you catch how you criticize yourself, you can say: 'My: e strict: r judge: in.'” The goal is to separate the harsh language from our self -perception and in this way to remember that these reviews are not truths. Both collings and Hendrix suggest the next time we evaluate ourselves as if we were talking to friend: inside - which is certainly nice.
5. Write down all day becauseoneThing was bad
Small annoyances and setbacks are part of everyday life. We spill coffee on our favorite shirt, or a colleague sends an email in a pampy tone. If these things happen in the morning, you can feel like negative signs for the whole day: "Suddenly we have the feeling that it will be a terrible day," says Dr. Sanchez. But the problem, if you attribute such a great influence to one or two unfortunate events, is that one taps into the trap of the “Confirmation Bias”, says Sanchez. This, called “confirmation error” in German, means: “We decide that it will be a bad day and are now looking for all ways to prove that this is true,” she explains.
How it can be better:“To constantly talk that everything is great”, Says Dr. Sanchez. “However, what you can do is to react with a more neutral approach that both the negative reality of the circumstancesas well asYour ability to accord the course recognizes.
For example, you could say that this thing was really difficult to cope with and it is understandable that you feel exhausted - and then take ten minutes to do something that just enjoys. ” Look at funny cat videos, make calls with your best friend or similar. This will not erase the negative event, but it can prevent this negative energy from determining the rest of the day.
6. Take responsibility for the feelings of other people
Do not understand: Empathy is great. But that is something different than admitting that the concerns and feelings of others determine your own actions. "Whether someone else is disappointed, angry or sad about something you do should not be decisive for whether you do it - provided you act in harmony with your values," said couple therapist Tracy Ross. Because if you get into this behavior in the long term, risk theownTo neglect feelings that makes unhappy.
How it can be better:It becomes aware that it is not your own task to satisfy all people around them - especially not if you make a decision that feels right for yourself. "For example, the fact that they remember cannot really control how others think about anything about anything can be liberating. "So why should you try to do this at the expense of your own feelings and values?"
Most people have a natural tendency towards the behaviors listed above - many of them are worsened in the unhealthy way how society measures success and sympathy. So it is completely understandable if we show some or even all of these behaviors. The good news: If we become aware of you, we can learn to take steps to leave stressful patterns behind.
This article was made with text passages from our college: inside of self.
