Body shaming at Christmas: We've finally had enough!
Diecan be a particularly cozy, warm time of year when we can relax with our loved ones. But they also present certain challenges. The one aunt who regularly asks you why you're still therebe. The uncle who rolls his eyes because there is one this yeargives. Or the one person who asks us with a critical look at our hips whether we really want more cookies. Experiences that we have probably all had in one way or another and that regularly remind us thathasn't reached everyone yet. Even within your ownnot.
Body shaming at Christmas: An expert explains why it happens so often - and which sentences you should pay attention to
Samantha DeCaro, psychologist and director of clinical counseling at the Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders, comments: "Any comments about the body are harmful, especially for those who already struggle with poor body image and disordered eating."
Comments about other people's bodies, their weight or their own eating habits can look very different at Christmas etc. and comments like "Now that's enough of the cookies" are just as wrong and harmful as a pitying saying like "You're right "I've gotten thin, I'd rather eat something else." Even comments that are meant as compliments, like “You look so much slimmer than last year,” can have very negative consequences.
This is because, DeCaro explains, perceived praise often comes at the expense of the “former” self. When making a praising comment about lost weight, this is why “” principle in which people feel that their “before” version was less likeable or admirable. So body shaming can be hurtful, no matter how “well-intentioned” a particular comment is. Because it is a reminder that our bodies are constantly being evaluated and people feel entitled to bring them up for discussion.
But toxic body images at the Christmas table go far beyond what people say about our bodies, DeCaro adds. The way people comment on their own bodies or those of other people who are absent can also leave unsightly traces for the listeners. So if the mother gossips about her neighbor who gained so much weight during Advent, or the cousin says that she will start a strict diet as soon as the new year begins, this can trigger comparative and toxic thoughts in the other person. Does my mother secretly think so harshly of me too? Should I also go on a diet like my cousin etc.
Body shaming at Christmas: Why does toxic behavior increase during the holidays?
But why does body shaming increase during the Christmas season? The simplest explanation is that during the festive season we often sit at the same table with people who may be close to us, but who usually belong to a different generation and a different bubble. Because the aunt who body-shames us probably doesn't see tons of them every daybody positivity videos and may just not realize how hurtful their comments are.
Another explanation comes from a study of former Weight Watchers usersInternational Journal of Obesitywas published. According to this, 80 percent of the participants said they experienced body shaming, especially from family members. And Christmas is not just a time when many family members get together. Additionally, it is a time when many feel ashamed of their bodies, said Rebecca Puhl, lead author of the study and associate director at the Rudd Center for Food Policy. The tan of summer is gone, we may have it less often in the cold, rainy monthsWe've done it, and yes, the occasional mulled wine doesn't go unnoticed - which is all completely normal.
The crux of the matter, says Rebecca Puhl, is that some fall into the misconception that a little shame or stigma will motivate people to want to live healthier and lose weight. So whoever comes up with a nasty body-shaming line may think that it could be good for the other person to overcome their inner “scumbag”. In fact, Puhl explains, a number of other studies have shown that people who have experienced weight stigma are more likely to have “unhealthy eating habits and less physical activity.”
And quite apart from that, the idea that it's okay to motivate people to lose weight is based on a thoroughly anti-fat attitude that needs to be questioned immediately. Because no one owes their family or anyone else for being “thin”. And everyone should have noticed by now that “being thin” is not the same as “being healthy”.
Body shaming at Christmas: 3 tips on how to protect yourself against toxic comments from the family
In addition to the hurt that family body shaming can cause, it's also just a shame that the little time you have with your family each year is wasted on such superficial conversations. But how do you manage to focus the topics on something more substantial? And how do you show boundaries when you experience body shaming?
- Communicate in advance:
One of the most important tools for setting your own boundaries is communication in advance. Kara Lissy, psychotherapist at A Good Place Therapy, recommends: "Tell your family in advance that you don't want to talk about your body or eating habits and what the consequences might be if you do." For example: “If you talk negatively about my body, I will leave the conversation.”
2. Verbal stop sign
If you can't or don't want to set clear boundaries in advance, it's even more important to react quickly to the situation. “For example, you can redirect conversations about your appearance and weight by actively changing the subject: depending on how comfortable you feel in your surroundings, a direct approach like 'I don't want to talk about that right now, we can talk about something else.' “talking” works wonders,” says Lissy.
3. Choose Ally
You usually know in advance who the red flags are in the family group. So if the thought of seeing each other again makes you feel sick to your stomach, it can be very helpful to get an ally on board. Whether it's a sibling or a cousin you trust: let the person know how you feel about Christmas Eve and possible body shaming and agree on a code word or a signal when you want to take a breather that evening needs. The person then grabs you to “get another bottle of wine” or “go for a walk,” or some other excuse that quickly gets you out of the situation. And then you can let off steam in a protected environment without major discussions. If you don't have such allies in the family, arrange with a friend that he or she will contact you via text message every now and then throughout the evening and “check in” on how you're doing.
And how do I make sure that I don't become a body shamer myself?
Finally, a tip on how to do it yourselfhimselfcan stop you from commenting on other people's bodies. Lissy suggests asking yourself these three questions:
- Did this person ask for my opinion or advice?
- Is there a chance that what I want to say or ask could hurt the other person's feelings?
- Is there another way I can get in touch with this person today?
After all, there are so many nicer things we can talk about. The upcoming vacation plans, for example. Or that, which we just. The last onethat made us laugh, the last one, which made us cry, and so on and so forth. In this sense:All we want for christmasis the end of body shaming – and a few cookies!
This article was prepared with text passages and expert quotes from our GLAMOR colleagues in the US.
