The most annoying no-go questions for the 2024 holidays - and a few alternative suggestions for family get-togethers
The holidays are supposed to be the most relaxing time of the year. At least that’s the social idea. It's just happening,etc. often lead to a clash of tempers between family members who see each other little during the year and often lead very different lives. It's not uncommon for things to sneak up like this,orin the conversations at the dinner table as well as some very invasive questions that we want to delete from the communication register once and for all.
We've collected a few of the most annoying and problematic questions that get on our nerves every year around the holidays - and which should also serve as a reminder if you tend to ask too probing questions yourself. And so that we can all do better, we have also added questions and conversation starters to the list that can ensure a much more harmless and pleasant interaction.
No-go questions at Christmas - which should also be taboo at other times of the year
- “Are you still going through that vegetarian phase?” / “But gravy is fine, right?”
Comments about other people's eating habits should be avoided at Christmas and elsewhere in life. After all, you don't have to go out of your way to take your guests' dietary habits into account at a unique holiday dinner. Simply ask in advance whether you can offer a vegetarian alternative and what the person would like. Maybe she wants to bring something herself and you won't have any stress anyway.
- “Do you finally have a partner now?” / “And do you still live alone?” / “Did you hear that XY is already married?”
We would also like to throw all questions that subliminally promote single-shaming into the memory pile of last Christmas. After all, no one has the right to judge their own lifestyle. If the questions about your own private life come across as passive-aggressive as above, that's not possible.
- “Are you working on something 'real' now?”
A question that everyone who works in the arts, culture and social sectors has probably had to hear from their engineer uncle or mechatronics engineer cousin. As if only “hands-on” jobs were “real” jobs.
- “Have you lost weight?” / “But you’ve already gained a little weight, right?” / “Don’t you want to eat anymore?” / “Do you really want another portion, there is also dessert?”
No matter whether comments about our bodies are meant as criticism or compliments, they are and remain invasive. After all, you never know how the other person is feeling about the weight gain or loss and whether it's even something you want to talk about over dinner with your relatives. Comments about the other person's eating habits should also always be includedoff limitsbe.
- “You’re taking part in the gift for XY, aren’t you?”
This question may seem surprising at first in this list, but it is much more problematic than it appears at first glance. After all, with this sentence you naturally assume that A: the other person wants to give the person in question a gift and B: that they can afford it. A much less invasive formulation would be something like “Would you also like to contribute to the gift for XY? No problem if not.”
- “Have you called XY yet? If you don’t get in touch, he:she will be disappointed”
The pressure to contact relatives with whom you otherwise have little contact can become unbearably high at Christmas. And you should let each adult decide for themselves whether it is important to them to make contact with someone or whether it might even be too painful. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean you have to fall back into a family sleaze show!
- “Why don’t you say anything about it?”
Not saying anything at a charged family table is the supreme discipline of communication. Because at Christmas it can easily happen that you are more or less forced to spend the evening with people who, for example, have completely different views than you in the area of politics. The best way if you don't want to start an argument That's why it's usually a matter of going through the motions when one of your uncles says something that you would rather have ignored. In return, no one should persuade you to take part in the conversation if you don't want to for various reasons.
- “Where are you going on vacation next year?”
Similar to the question about gift participation, this question automatically assumes that the other person has enough money and time to travel in the coming year. However, this does not apply to many people, which is why it would be much more prudent to ask instead whether you have already made any “plans for the new year”. Then the other person can decide for themselves what they want to say.
Alternative questions and conversation ideas for a respectful Christmas Eve
Luckily, the no-go questions listed above aren't the only way to initiate a conversation. That's why we've collected a few nicer alternative questions for you that you can ask your relatives to actively steer the conversation in a more pleasant direction:
- How are you doing in your new city? Do you miss something from home even though you've been away for a while?
- What was your personal highlight this year?
- Which series/film last made you laugh? Which series/film makes you cry?
- What was the last book you read and how did you like it?
- What are your expectations for our Christmas together this year or what would be good for you? Do you want some peace and quiet? Game rounds? A long walk?
- Is there something that annoys you every Christmas that we can avoid this year?
- Wow, mom/dad/host, that tastes great. What's the recipe like?
- What do you want for yourself from the coming year?
- With the parents: I have time right now. Is there something I can explain/set up for you on your cell phone/computer?
- How was your vacation this year?
