We parents sometimes use the word no so often that it can even be one of baby's first words alongside "mom" and "dad". Realizing this is not only frightening for us parents, it is also unfavorable for the children. Because it is used so frequently, “no” loses its value for young people.
The younger children are, the more often parents say no. Mostly to protect the offspring. After all, small children cannot yet properly assess situations and we parents want to protect them (and the environment).
But there has to be a better way than just saying no all the time? Maybe the word “no” can even be completely eliminated from education? Admittedly, this is a very radical approach and may not be for everyone. But there are a few simple tricks we can use to say no without actually saying “no”!
Also read:
1. Positive formulations
“Don’t jump on the sofa,” “Don’t throw the food,” “Don’t run around the house” – the list of things children aren’t allowed to do is pretty long. Depending on the age of the child, they may not know what to do with “not.” When we tell them what they can't do, unlike us adults, they don't automatically know what to do instead.
So it is far more effective if we phrase negatives positively. So instead of “Don’t jump on the sofa” you could say: “We sit on the sofa, you can jump outside.” This way the child still knows what they are not allowed to do, but also has a direct idea of what they can do instead can. In this case, either go outside or sit down.
Also read:
2. Agree
Of course, simply allowing your children to do everything just because you don't want to say no can't be the solution. But it can be helpful if you agree with your children on certain things. Sometimes it's enough for the child to realize that mom and dad understand them.
Also read:
Of course, understanding something doesn't mean that you have to agree with it. You can still attach conditions to the fulfillment of your wish. It's just that the child may no longer perceive them as such.
So, for example, if your child wants to eat ice cream, you can agree that ice cream would be really tasty. That's why you have to quickly prepare the food and eat it together so that you can then eat ice cream. Now you're in the same boat.
So the trick is to emphasize consent and just mention the condition. Immediately afterwards, you can ask your child to help set the table so that dessert can be served more quickly. This way, your child can even speed up the fulfillment of their wish.
Must read:
3. Offers
Let's stick with the situation that there should be food right away, but your child wants something sweet. There is a way to postpone your cravings until after you eat: increase your bidding. For example, say something like, "You can have one M&M now, or four after dinner."
This will be very tempting for your child. Because an M&M, gummy bear, Smartie or whatever candy your child likes will seem far too little to him when he hears that he can have much more.
Also read:
Most children will choose the higher bid and wait. This is how you managed to avoid sweets before meals - without having to say it.
For this plan to work, it's just important to make sure it's small sweets. Because in the rare cases in which your child chooses the first option, he or she will get exactly one M&M before eating. This shouldn't hurt your appetite.
But if she asks for something sweet again after eating, you should be consistent and point out your agreement. At this point it may have to be a “no”.
4. Options
Let's continue with the dessert example: If you already know that your child will ask you for ice cream or something sweet, but you don't want him or her to eat sweets every day, then you can prepare two other options in advance. However, these options should be comparable or at least similarly appealing to your child.
So you could ask your child while shopping: “Should we cut a mango for dessert or eat raspberries with yogurt?” This way, you can avoid your child asking you a yes or no question about sweets for dessert by telling your child asks an either/or question. So you don't have to say no, but your child still has delicious options and the feeling that they have chosen their own dessert.
Reading tips:
5. Outsource
No, no, don't worry. You don't pass on saying no to others. But you can take advantage of certain rules or authorities. If you don't want to allow something because you think it could harm your child, you can say, for example, that you are unsure whether it is healthy. Then refer them to the doctor and tell your child to remind you to ask at the next doctor's visit. You are no longer the person who prohibits something, but you have supposedly outsourced the decision.
Also read:
Fortunately, children tend to be on their best behavior around authority figures. This could be the doctor, teacher, an older child or even a sign that says you are not allowed to do something.
The only important thing is that your child sees this opinion as law or at least as desirable. For example, if the older cousin your child looks up to eats his broccoli, that may be enough of a reason for your child to eat his broccoli too.
Important note at the end:The information and tips in this article are suggestions only. Every child is different and reacts in their own way. It is therefore important that you listen to your child and find out which path is best for you.
