Anyone who is working and has children knows the struggle: Despite the best organization and planning, there are days, sometimes also weeks in which you can only run after the appointments. You hardly have time for the family, let alone for yourself.
The guilty conscience with which you have to put the child on "later" and "equal" grows from day to day. In order to show the offspring that he does not care, even if we have very little time again, we parents like to use a trick: We give our child with something that it wanted. In the best case, it gets something that it can deal with for a long time (and does not notice that mom and/ or dad have little time).
In a way, we buy ourselves time with our child, but believe that it is not bad with a gift that we currently have to rare. But what does it really do with a child if the parents want to make their little time to make up for gifts?
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Lack of emotional binding
If it happens that parents do a lot and have a really little time, that's absolutely no reason thatto question. Not even if you have made up for the lack of time with a little surprise for the child. However, if it is more and more the rule instead of the exception, then this can be the emotional.
If a child regularly gets gifts for the lack of time and attention from the parents, it can get the impression that material things are more important than emotional closeness. It will be very difficult for the child to establish a real and deep connection to his parents. In later friendships or partnerships (also as an adult) it may also expect that affection and recognition are expressed by material things.
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Low appreciation for things
The more gifts a child gets, the more each individual loses value. If there is always something new at regular intervals, the 'old' toys lose attractiveness. At the same time, the child's expectations are developing. It really waits for a new gift and makes his happiness in it.
This can lead to an overvaluation of material things, while intangible things such as friendship, love, relationships and time lose importance.
Distorted expectations and disappointment
If a child gets gifts regularly, it can happen that it develops a distorted idea of what love and recognition mean. Gifts are no longer perceived as something special, but as a regular, expected gesture.
If it is used to the fact that gifts are the answer to wishes or needs, the child could think that it always has to get something material in order to experience affection or get recognition.
If, on the other hand, there are no gifts, this inevitably leads to disappointment with the child. It may be the same as that the parents no longer give him affection, attention and love. It gnaws at the child's self -confidence, because the absence of gifts can suggest that it is suddenly no longer good enough.
Social and emotional development
Parents are always role models for their children. If they keep the lack of time and attention for the child with gifts, the child may have difficulty understanding how to maintain relationships or how important it is to have time with and for each other.
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Through the relationship with their parents, children also learn how to deal with each other, how to solve conflicts, how to show compassion and help each other. However, if gifts are often the expression of affection or care, certain aspects of the child's social and emotional development can be affected.
In addition, a child who is often kept with gifts or rewarded with gifts is difficult to regulate their own wishes and emotions. If there are usually gifts the answer to his needs, a child learns that it quickly gets what it wants. It doesn't learn patience. Neither learns to help yourself or deal with disappointments.
The parents also suffer
Anyone who would have to make an appointment from appointment and would rather spend time with the offspring inevitably have a guilty conscience. And it doesn't really matter how much time parents and child spend each other. But the duration is not everything. The way we spend time together is much more important than the time length.
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If you can pay your child your full attention in the 15 minutes in the morning and the 30 minutes in the evening, you can still manage to maintain a good, honest and deep connection to the child. Even if the time is not enough for more than a few minutes in the morning and in the evening, these minutes together are still worth more than a new toy. So this can confidently lie on the shop shelf.
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