As parents, we think about the well-being of our family in almost everything we say and do. Above all, the well-being of our children. But no one is perfect and immune to mistakes. In any case, the line between educational measures and hurtful behavior is sometimes very narrow. Sometimes the wrong thing is said or decisions are made that leave scars on the child's soul.
Our aim is not to increase the already immense pressure on parents with the following things. But sometimes you lose track and your nerves in everyday chaos. So that no one gets hurt or feels neglected, we have put together the following things.
Recognition, siblings & the pressure to perform
Children are emotionally hurt when...
…they don't feel taken seriously. Children's self-confidence in particular suffers greatly when they are told that they are constantly saying or doing the wrong thing. Children's opinions should be heard just as much as those of adults.
…they feel disadvantaged compared to their siblings. “Your sister would have done it better” or “Look how your brother did it” conveys to children that they are less worthy or valued. Every child is different and that is why you should never compare children.
…they are denied recognition. Children constantly demand recognition and attention from their parents. If you deny them this, it eats away at their self-esteem.
…they feel too much (performance) pressure. If the parents like to show off the child's top achievements to relatives, that's of course nice because it shows how proud they are of the child. At the same time, however, the pressure on the offspring increases to achieve more and become better so that their parents can continue to be proud.
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Have no time & stress
Children are emotionally hurt when...
…they feel 'rejected'. Sometimes there is no other option and you have to place the children with friends, acquaintances or relatives. But when this becomes the rule and no longer just the exception, it can leave children with a strange feeling.
…they are fobbed off with a “I don’t have time for that now”.. Parental attention and recognition is particularly important for children, especially at a young age. Not having time too often eats away at your self-esteem. The impression quickly arises that mom and dad never have time for me.
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…they sense that parents are stressed because of them. As stress increases, parental mood often drops and we become nervous. Here the older one's gym class, there the daughter's training, some days are horrible. Parents should still give their children the feeling that they are happy to accept this stress for them.
…They are made to feel that they are responsible for their parents' separation. If parents constantly argue, the children notice it too. They often blame themselves. Instead of presenting them with a fait accompli with a separation or divorce, you should talk to them openly.
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Responsibility, promises & your own opinion
Children are emotionally hurt when...
…they are not allowed to finish. Children also have their own opinions and it is important that parents listen to them.
…Promises are not kept. Promises always create expectations. Children are very disappointed if, for example, they are promised a trip to the cinema or a trip that doesn't happen. Above all, the credibility of the parents and the trust in them becomes fragile.
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…they are forced to do something against their will. Sports courses, music lessons, excursions - parents think it's good to offer their child these opportunities. But not every child is willing to do these things. But if parents constantly decide these things for their child instead of with them, they deny them their own opinion. The child remembers that his opinion doesn't count.
Reading tips:
Silence, repressed feelings & privacy
Children are emotionally hurt when...
…they are punished with silence. Anyone who ignores children or punishes them with silence makes them feel like they are worthless.
…they are not allowed to show emotions. Allowing our feelings to flow helps us release frustration, express anger, and overcome problems. If you can't show feelings, you can't learn to read other people's feelings.
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…they have no privacy. Children also need a place to retreat to, where they can store their things, hide little secrets and sometimes live in chaos. This tells them that they are respected and that they are trusted.
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Wishes, help & independence
Children are emotionally hurt when...
…their own wishes are denied. Anyone who makes children's own wishes and ideas miserable makes them insecure. Everyone has a right to pursue their dreams.
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…their request for advice or help is ignored. Trust in parents suffers massively when they refuse advice and help.
…their independence is suppressed. Regardless of whether they are toddlers or teenagers, if you tell children that they can't do something or shouldn't do something, they will in most cases believe their parents. This is a major impact on their independence and self-confidence.
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