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In advance in the video: 4 warning signals that your relationship has no future
It is never nice to argue - but from time to time there are friction in every respect. So that the disagreement does not escalate, it is important to argue fairly.
Small quarrels are normal in every respect. However, there can also be a big argument that brings everyone involved to white glow. Every sentence pronounced worsens everything and you don't really know where the dispute started.
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Then it is mainly because you will dispute the topic with unfair means. So that this does not happen to you and your partner, we have five tips for you on how to argue in your relationship fairly.
1. Stay on the subject
Say things that dislike you always in time so that you can solve things immediately. The worst thing you can do is to collect every misconduct from your partner in order to throw it on his head in a dispute. This makes you make the situation worse and you get into an endless cycle. Instead, you should stay on the subject and only mention what bothers you at the moment.
2. Define clear no-gos
3. Dive with both sides of the consent
No argument forced if one of you is exhausted, stressed or already stressed. A fair dispute is that you can both discuss with full consciousness. Instead, look for a time when you are both willing to talk about the problem.
4. Define your own role in the dispute
You are not always right and you too make mistakes that can lead to an argument. So be aware that you also have a responsibility for the dispute or the situation and stand by possible mistakes on your part, which have contributed to the situation.
5. Determine basic rules
Think about basic rules and do your best so that they are also met. This includes, for example, that you determine that you never discuss for more than an hour, never to argue in public or that you will not discuss a problem for more than three days.
What to do if the dispute escalates?
Despite all the rules, it can happen that a dispute suddenly boils up and gets out of control. It is then important: do not get further. Instead, these three first aid steps help to de-escalate the situation:
1. Brief out of the situation:If you notice that only allegations are flying or you are shouting, it is better to interrupt the conversation. A clear sentence like"I need to come down briefly"Can help without hurt. Go to different rooms for a few minutes or take a short walk.
2. Give cool-down time-and take:Give yourself the opportunity to calm down yourself (and your counterpart). Do not try to force a solution immediately. Feelings need space - especially anger, disappointment or frustration. Even if it is difficult: patience is often worth gold here.
3. Talk again later - in peace:After the cool down, the right moment is to approach each other. Not to "win" the dispute, but to understand what really is behind it. Maybe with a sentence like:"I want to understand what hurt you so."- that opens doors.
Important: Just because a dispute escalates does not mean that everything is lost. On the contrary - how you deal with each other afterwards often shows the most how strong your relationship really is.
