Lovesickness: With these 10 tips you can overcome heartbreak

Almost everyone faces heartbreak at least once in their life. Any advice, no matter how well-intentioned, ends in anger and helplessness. Here is the most important information and tips for you so that you can get out of the hole quickly.

What exactly is heartbreak?

Most people want to be accepted and loved. When we are rejected by someone we love, it hits us incredibly hard. Lovesickness is the psychological and often physical reaction to this repeated rejection by a loved one.

This can be after a breakup. But it can also be the case that we feel feelings for someone, but they don't feel for us. This can also plunge us into heartbreak.

Lovesickness also hurts physically: these are typical symptoms

Of course everyone suffers differently. And not everyone has to attend one(= German: “broken heart”) suffer. Nevertheless, some typical physical symptoms can be identified. When we are lovesick, we often suffer from loss of appetite and sleep disorders. There are also depressive phases and general malaise. There are also people who suffer from nausea and stomach problems. Others experience dizziness and shortness of breath.

This shows that body and mind are closely intertwined. So anyone who is lovesick and feels completely bad physically can help knowing that this is a normal reaction of the body.

Study shows: Lovesickness is similar to drug withdrawal

This is even scientifically proven, like the neurobiologistOliver Bosch from the University of Regensburgtogether with Larry Young from the Yerkes Institute in Atlanta. The experiment with prairie voles showed that love works like a drug. If you withdraw this, the heartbreak has a similar drastic effect as drug withdrawal.

Hold on: There are these 5 phases of heartache

Not everyone goes through the pain of separation in the same way. But there are typical phases of heartbreak. People can skip phases - both forward and backward, for example through a relapse. Here are the classic phases of heartbreak:

Phase 1: Don't want to believe it
Here you don't want to acknowledge the separation. I still can't understand what happened.

Phase 2: Apathy and shock
We often fall into a state of paralysis, no longer know what to do and sink into a deep hole.

Phase 3: Awakening fighting spirit
Unfortunately, this fighting spirit means that you imagine that you can't turn things around for the better.

Phase 4: Anger and pain
When you begin to feel anger towards the other person, this is an important point in processing. You stop idealizing the other person.

Phase 5: Acceptance of the situation
In this phase, you have come to terms with the separation. You can see your situations less emotionally and instead see more clearly.

10 tips that really help

It has always been said: time heals all wounds. And yes, that's not just a saying. At some point this pain will go away. Until then, you need a good emergency plan to overcome the heartbreak. Here are the best 10 tips against heartache!

1. Let your feelings out

When the pain of separation is fresh, neither sophisticated processing strategies nor heroic attempts to take the whole thing calmly like a lady help. In the first few days - or even weeks, when the shock is deep - it is completely okay to give in to the grief and pain.

Let your feelings out: cry, scream, sob, use up a ten-pack of tissues, listen to sentimental music, kill family packs of chocolate ice cream and keep crying.Self-pity and crying days in bed are absolutely OK. You don't have to fool anyone into thinking everything is OK. Nothing is OK for you right now. Rightly so!

What is important in this phase is to accept the pain, disappointment and anger. The old rule applies here: Only those who have grieved extensively can properly process the separation and overcome the heartbreak.

Nevertheless, grief is of course a very individual thing. Everyone deals with their pain differently. To distract yourself or not, to allow the pain or to protect yourself - all of this varies from person to person and only you know what can help you now. Sensitive people also have to protect themselves here.

Nevertheless: pain has to go. And it doesn't matter what others think in this initial phase. Allow yourself to be heartbroken, otherwise, firstly, you run the risk of just repressing the whole thing and at some point it will come up and, secondly, no one will expect you to function now. Lovesickness is terrible. Anyone who has ever had to go through it knows this.

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2. Talking helps with heartbreak

Under no circumstances should you try to deal with your grief alone for a long time. Talk about what you feel: your feelings, the hurt, the sadness, the anger towards your ex-partner. Call your best friend and whine to her ears.

You just have official permission to wallow in self-pity and bother those around you with the same topic: your acute heartbreak. And, yes, even if the whole thing has already been chewed through three times with always the same conclusion.

Your friends will have a lot of good advice for dealing with heartbreak. Almost everyone knows how difficult it is to overcome bad heartbreak. It can actually help to see things from a different perspective and hear how your friends got through the valley of tears.

But of course: Ultimately, it all depends on how you feel. Only you can say how you are feeling and what your heartbreak feels like. You alone decide how you deal with the situation. So always follow your own rhythm.

But also ask yourself:Can and must I get through this alone? If your answer is no, find someone to help you through your heartbreak.Together we are much stronger here – and more consistent. Lovely people at your side often help you not to keep relapsing and to start your grief all over again.

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3. Recognize your ex's quirks

It was never as clear to you as in phases of the worst heartbreak: your ex was the most lovable and clever creature on God's earth. No one will ever be such a great match for you. Moooment! This person broke your heart. He's to blame for all the heartbreak. That alone doesn't exactly predestine him to go down as the greatest love in your life story.

And let's be honest: How many times in the past have you been annoyed by his stubbornness, his ignorance, his post-puberty fits, his cold comments... yes, just that.

Be careful not to idealize your ex-partner. Be aware of the negative sides!Write a list of everything that bothered you in your relationship. You will see: Once you are more objective in your judgment, the heartbreak will gradually lessen.

4. Rigorously clear out the heartbreak

Make sure that the person causing your heartbreak disappears as far from your attention as possible! Even if it hurts at first:For the time being, separate yourself from everything that reminds you of him and the time you spent together.

Memorabilia such as photos or letters, his old T-shirt and the toothbrush go straight into a large box and from now on live in the attic or in the basement. If you constantly look at old photos and listen to songs together, you will only prolong your heartbreak. Take care of your heart and avoid torturing yourself.

This may be difficult at first, but this is the only way you can shorten your time of suffering. Because at some point there will come a point where you will have to pick yourself up again and dispose of the big box in the basement without any pain.

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5. Exercise yourself physically

A good method to stop the constant mental loop for a while, let out your anger and disappointment and really let off steam: sport!Sport, no matter what it is, is ideal for clearing your head and producing some happiness hormones.

Exercise helps against depressive moods and the excruciatingly dull, constant pain. Go dancing, do yoga, swim a few laps. If you feel like you really need to let off some steam, you can also do kickboxing or lift weights.

The main thing is that you get other ideas. And: happiness hormones are released when you exercise. You feel good and closer to yourself. This is important to believe in yourself again.

Distraction is the best remedy for heartache. Not in the acute phase, but over time you should definitely play this ace against your heartbreak.

6. Tu dir Gutes

Once the first, bad heartbreak phase is over, the next important step comes. And that means: Everything that is good for you now belongs at the top of the priority list. Treat yourself to something nice, take some time out, be lazy and decadent. You don't have to do anything at all.Your main focus should be that YOU are well. Everything else can come later.

A massage appointment, a new hairstyle, a new outfit (everything he always thought was stupid, now you're even more likely to get it!), a movie, a weekend trip with anyone or a delicious meal - the mission is: pamper yourself ! Caresses for body and soul are exactly what will best help you cope with heartbreak.

By the way: A new look like this can be a balm for your ego - and you really need an extra dose of self-confidence right now. Feel at peace with yourself and above all: feel great. The little amoeba that broke your heart is actually just incredibly stupid to no longer have you by her side, right?

It's also important to tell yourself: The relationship didn't fail because you were wrong or because you made mistakes (of course, that happens too). But ultimately it is a shared story between two people that failed here. And two people always take part in it. None of you are therefore bad and worthless. It just wasn't meant to be in this situation.

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7. Ban yourself from any stalking

Yes, it's tempting, we know that. But don't get the idea of ​​spying on your ex after the breakup! And not for moral reasons, but above all to do yourself a favor.Every attempt at contact opens up old wounds and makes your heartbreak bigger rather than smaller.

So: It's best to delete all his or her numbers from your phone (yes: really all of them!), cancel your Facebook friendship, unfollow him on social media, change your local bar. Everything that keeps you at a distance helps you to gradually detach yourself from this person and free yourself for a new phase of your life.

8. Create new rituals

There are so many things that fall by the wayside during a relationship: meeting old friends, learning a new language, the regular Pilates class, wasting an entire Sunday in bed, the extensive and wonderfully unreasonable shopping marathon or simply dating another man . You should definitely catch up on all of this now!

Now there are no more excuses – and that feels incredibly good!Find new hobbies, introduce new rituals for which there was always no time in the past:Go out for brunch with your friends on Sunday, finally read all those books and watch all those movies you've been putting off for so long!

Whatever is good for you is the right thing to do now to overcome your heartbreak. And who knows? Maybe through one of your many hobbies you will meet the one man or woman who will glue your broken heart back together and conquer it.

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9. Flirting instead of heartbreak

Let's move on to phase 9 of your battle plan to overcome the bad grief: You actually don't feel like leaving the house and throwing yourself into the party hustle and bustle. At some point, do yourself a favor: do it anyway! If possible, accept every nice and meaningful invitation that comes your way.

Go among people. Firstly, it's good to be with people who make you feel like you're not alone in the world and can enjoy life even as a single person.

Second, it boosts your self-confidence to test your own market value - and realize that there are a lot of men and women who value your qualities more than Mr. and Mrs. Heartbreak.

Oh yes: getting a 'transitional partner' who is not suitable for true love, but is a wonderful ego flatterer, is of course not the best way. But as the saying goes:In war and in love...well, you know.

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10. Up and away: Distance from everything helps

Each of us has those places that we have always wanted to travel to. It doesn't have to be the Caribbean - how about a spontaneous city trip to Paris, Lisbon, Stockholm? When you're single, you're free to do whatever you want.You can pack your belongings and just go – without lazy compromises, without false consideration, according to your own rhythm.

Of course, you can also take your best friend with you if you're afraid of being alone in a foreign country with your heartache. This is of course a question of type, whether traveling alone helps you or makes you even more unhappy. But getting away from everyday life and familiar surroundings is often extremely healing and helps you see things from a more distant perspective. You will be amazed at how good a few days of distance and new impressions will do you.

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Most important tip: take your time

And with all of these wonderfully clever tips, you'll probably think to yourself: That's all nice advice, but it will never help my heartache. Yes, they will.You just have to give yourself the time that heartbreak like this takes.

You won't be able to get over and move on from your past relationship in a week. But if you take the time, it will slowly get better. Promised. And it's important to deal with your broken relationship.

We women often make the mistake of blaming ourselves. Nevertheless, the time for intensive processing is important and ensures that we learn something from what happened. For the next relationship, which will hopefully no longer break our hearts and have the chance to be the best of our lives.

Studies show: This is how long heartache lasts

OneElite partner studyshowed that heartbreak lasts an average of 12.4 months. And if men are generally said to be able to reconnect more quickly and the old cliché of the cold-feeling man unfortunately still exists, we would like to point out a current oneStudyby researchers at Lancaster University in the UK.

To do this, the scientists examined the posts of around 184,000 men and women in an anonymous online forum. This was about difficulties in the relationship and it turned out that men discussed relationship problems much more often and word clusters around “broken heart”, “regret”, “separation” and “crying” were increasingly found in the threads.