Forgive in the relationship: 6 tips for more harmony

Forgiveness is not always easy, often we stand in our way. But with these 6 tips you are guaranteed to succeed.

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In almost every relationship, there will be discussions and quarrels sooner or later. This is hardly avoidable and in itself nothing reprehensible. After all, in a partnership you have to make compromises that you do not always agree with 100 %.

But the secret of a happy relationship is not to never stumble, but to learn from it and help each other again. Forgiveness plays a correspondingly important role.

It doesn't work without a line

If we remain resentful and suspicious in the relationship, because we believe that the mistake that our partner has made could repeat itself at any time, then this is immensely stressed by the relationship. All thoughts then only revolve around the injury suffered and the disappointment.

If you can't draw a conclusion here and give the other person new trust, you will never be as happy and inexperienced as at the beginning of the relationship. And so the failure of the relationship is actually already inevitable.

Forgive: Recognize and name the problem

Sometimes, however, both of them no longer know what exactly the triggering mistake or the triggering behavior was.There was no specific action that led to a dismantling. But regardless of whether rightly or wrong: this "something" still puts a sustainable burden on the relationship and always causes arguments and misunderstandings.

If a partner has been offended because he or she went back and does not feel valued, for example if the other flirting from time to time flirts, he or she will always unconsciously pay the person a little.

The person will always request a little more attention and proof of love so that what has happened is made up for - at least so that it feels like this for him or she. That will also burden the relationship.

Forgive is work

If a solution is to be found from the dilemma, only one thing helps: talk.And open. However, it is not a question that one person is stylized to the perpetrator and the other person and the other person is only about what he has done wrong and how he or she can iron it out again . That would have little prospect of success.

Ultimately, there are both sides that have gone out of the error with damage. Both are not doing well. The one person because he or she was the cause of the error and the other person because he or she became a victim.

One always likes to forget that the pollutanter also suffers from his mistake and regret it but cannot undo. This burdens, especially if he or she has the feeling that the other person cannot forgive him.

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Forgive: Both have to be ready

Ultimately, the person who has not been guilty must also ask himself why he doesn't forgive his partner. Is it because he or she is still too hurt? Is it to let the others pay and fidget so that he or she moves closer back to you and gives up more effort in the relationship? Is it anger or is it a strict attitude that makes it impossible to forgive?

It is not uncommon for the person to have the feeling that he is right in any form in the misconduct if he forgives him or her. Which of course is not the case.

And also let it go, i.e. a form of punishment, is hardly what you should do under lovers. This is not very helpful for the continued existence of the partnership. At least not permanent. Anyone who was injured must ultimately also ask the question:Do I want to forgive my partner at all?

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6 tips for couples to forgive

The prerequisite for forgiving is, of course, that the cause of all anger is honestly tried to make up for his mistake and learn from the whole thing. So if both agree that the relationship is worth it to fight for it, then of course work begins - yes, work.

First of all, the person who disappointed, lied to, cheated or injured the other must apologize. And sincerely and honest. Only then can both start actively to deal with what has happened and get along.

Here are the most important tips on what you should take into account:

#1 give you time

Nobody demands that you are the old dream couple directly again. The pain often just sits deep and you need a little until the injuries are also processed and forgotten. You should plan this time and not impatient if everything is not directly sunshine again.

#2 Creates a battle plan

The danger is usually that both remain in their perpetrator and victim role and the injury on the one hand and the feeling of guilt on the other hand. Here it helps - as stupid that it may sound - to think about a few rules or behaviors and create a kind of battle plan together:
-> What do we want to change?
-> What do we agree so that it gets better and the error can no longer happen?

The cause of the pollutor is of course which one has to stick to agreements from now on and that should prove that he also deserves the advance of trust of his partner. Ideally, he or she or she herself suggests how trust can be restored.

Mind you: This is not about someone in the penitent robe to blame and punish themselves for it. Rather, it is about not passive to displace the error, but to actively consider: What do we do better from now on so that it is possible to forgive and trust again?

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#3 with different eyes

Puts each other in the position of the other. This is an absolutely simple, but actually always helpful means to check his behavior. How does that have to feel when I act either way? Treat your counterpart as you would like to be treated in the same situation.

#4 assigned on both sides

That means: Not only those who have been injured must have forgiven. But also the "guilty" or the "culprit" must be able to forgive himself. And that's not as easy as it may sound.

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#5 Treat guilt issues with caution

And both have to ask themselves: How could the mistake come, such as an affair or a breach of trust? Are the causes not partly in the relationship itself? And to ask this question should not mean to blame each other, but to prevent something like this together. So rather a joint coat of arms for the future.

Even if it sounds absurd at first, the question arises: do both partners now not have the opportunity to make the relationship from scratch to better and to emerge from chaos?

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#6 Forgive for love

Ultimately, there is no better reason to forgive each other than the feelings for each other. To show the other: you are worth it to fight yourself, even if you have made a mistake. The trust you give the other at that moment is a real gift. That should be clear to both. And give them the strength and confidence that they can emerge strengthened.

Errors pass in every relationship - smaller or larger ones. Of course you shouldn't happen, but if the offended part can forgive, then it also frees himself from the victim role and shows character strength. At that moment he is the strong part - no longer the victim, the ranged and cheated. This can also help both of them to overcome the victim-perpetrator constellation and put Ad Acta.

But: forgiveness does not always make sense

Of course there are also mistakes that you cannot forgiveFor example, when it comes to physical violence, repeated. Or when someone goes back and cheating on you. These are things that you might forgive once, maybe twice, but not afterwards.

Whoever forgives everything without any ifs and buts will also notice that he gets into a constantly giving sacrificial role, which also seduces the other person to maintain bad behavior permanently. There are therefore also cases in which forgiveness is not the best solution.