Breaking circles of thought: 4 steps on how this can be achieved in the future

Have you ever been stuck in a circle of thoughts? I just yesterday. Without going into too much detail, the following situation occurred: Mycame home from an evening (or rather a night) with friends much later than planned. He entered the apartment in the early hours of the morning. I heard the door open and close again - and a thought cycle immediately started in my head: Didn't he want to come home much earlier? What's on his mind that he stays out all night without telling me? He knows that makes me mad! And so on and so forth.

From my experience I know that the longer I stay in this circle of thoughts, the more intense and “real” what I think feels. At some point I can no longer manage to keep a distance between myself and what I'm thinking, I feel extremely attacked and switch to fight mode. However, in the situation described at the beginning, I decided to take a different route. I broke my thought cycles, was able to stay in my peace and had a wonderful morning with my. What can help you get out of circles of thought - and why rumination costs so much energy in the first place.

When I get lost in thinking about problems, it often ends in arguments. At some point I get so caught up in my negative feelings, trapped in my head and have the urgent need to vent the whole thing explosively.

Circles of thought – with me or with you? – but often remain completely silent. For example, we feel unable to resolve a particular situation. The latter may even put us in, which is why we prefer to play them over and over again in our heads. We lose ourselves in negative emotions and thoughts. Because everything only happens in our heads, we feel passive and not very capable of taking action - which in turn can trigger feelings such as anger or sadness.

Distraction is a great way to break circles of thought. And sometimes it is absolutely advisable to go for a jog or an exciting oneto listen to get out of the nasty thoughts. However, I don't find distraction helpful in the long term. In my opinion, it makes more sense to deal with your negative thoughts and then consciously decide to let them go for now. The great thing: the more often you succeed at this, the easier it will be next time, because the brain also learns in adulthood. These four steps can be helpful in getting out of circles of thought:

To calm the nervous system and thus yourself, it helps to take deep breaths. By the way, in conflict situations this also prevents people from saying unthinking things too quickly. By breathing deeply and very consciously, you bring your body into the now and can distance yourself from the negative thoughts you have.

Here you can consciously ask yourself: “Do I want to feel the way these thoughts make me feel?” This makes it clear that you have a choice. It may also be that you realize that you are not yet ready for it, the negative onesto break through. This can be particularly the case with long-term thought cycles. That's okay too. Just the feeling that you are not passively at the mercy of a situation increases your self-esteem.

In order to be able to leave the circle of thoughts, it helps to create a mantra that you then say to yourself either out loud or in your head. For example: “I am stronger than my thoughts” or “I am strong and valuable” – or any other empowering phrase you feel. By focusing on this sentence, you automatically distance yourself from absorbing thoughts and associated emotions.

This step was and is an absolute game changer for me. Personally, for years I only processed (or pushed aside) my emotions in my head - and didn't express them physically. After staying in thought, it can help to physically let the emotions you just felt flow. Specifically, this could mean shaking for a few minutes or dancing to your favorite song. At first I found it very unusual to express my feelings. This is also practice and cannot and does not have to be achieved overnight. But: It's worth sticking with it and at some point it will give you an incredible feeling of strength and freedom!

By the way: There is usually not too much time between the individual steps and the transitions take place automatically at some point. However, if you want to practice breaking out of thought cycles, it helps to be aware of the steps you need to take to get out of brooding.