Parenting: This is how you can react to tantrums (and perhaps prevent them)

A tantrum or temper tantrum is completely normal in children. We'll tell you how you can counteract this and perhaps even prevent it.

As a rational adult, it can be very frightening the first time a child throws themselves on the floor in anger, screaming, kicking, and raging at the top of their lungs. It's frustrating because we can't even understand these tantrums.

This begins a time that is really not easy for us parents because it is characterized by loud and tearful outbursts of anger, which always seem to happen at the most inopportune moment - often in public.

But don't worry about tantrums: there's a logic behind it. If you make it clear to yourself why your child explodes in certain situations, it will be much easier to prevent tantrums and to tolerate these small outbursts of anger when they do happen.

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1. Small children perceive bans as a loss

It's no coincidence that small children throw tantrums exactly when their parents start to enforce rules and sometimes forbid their little ones to do something. As a rule, these bans are issued when the child places themselves in dangerous situations, so they serve to ensure their safety. Unfortunately the child doesn't understand this.

Babies and toddlers are completely dependent on their parents. They rely on mom and dad for everything and when these same caregivers take things away from them or forbid them, they suddenly no longer understand the world. This is a painful experience for them. They vent their pain through a tantrum.

It can therefore help if, in this very special phase of development, one tries to only use bans when they are absolutely necessary. In less dramatic situations you can choose positive formulations. Instead of saying, “Don’t jump on the sofa!”, you could also say: “You’re sitting on the sofa, look like this” – and then you plop down on the sofa.

2. Small children cannot yet think logically

Small children cannot yet think logically and they do not know any scientific facts. Every adult knows this, but very few apply this knowledge to everyday life. For example, a small child starts screaming when he sees that the water is running out of the bathtub very quickly after pulling the plug. How is it supposed to know that it won't get sucked down the drain itself?

Things that seem logical or normal to us can scare or unsettle children. Then your body releases stress hormones, which in turn promote emotional outbursts.

So explain the situations to your children in simple, child-friendly words. And every situation, no matter how normal it may be for us, can be very special for the child. Because at some point it makes and sees all things for the very first time.

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3. Toddlers can't help their tantrums

When we adults are angry or frustrated, we have a number of options to calm ourselves down. We can understand our frustration or anger and let it stand as such. We can even analyze the situation based on experience and decide that there must be a logical explanation for it.

We can also communicate with other people and find a solution to the problem or a compromise together. The part of our brain that is responsible for self-control is fully developed. None of these points apply to small children.

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They are literally overwhelmed by their emotions and have no other way to deal with their feelings than to let them out unfiltered. For them it is a blatant injustice that chocolate, cell phones or toys are deliberately withheld from them in the store even though they think they need them.

The part of their brain responsible for sensing time is not yet fully formed, so young children live in the moment. Consequently, if they want something, they need it immediately.

So our children don't intentionally throw tantrums to annoy us. They are simply surprised by their feelings and do not yet have the means to deal with them. In these moments they need our understanding and our love more than ever.

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Important note at the end:The information and tips in this article are suggestions only. Every child is different and reacts in their own way. It is therefore important that you listen to your child and find out which path is best for you.