Typical parent sentences that hate teenagers (and why they harm it)

Heated word battles between parents and their adolescent child are not uncommon. The teenager demands new freedom and we parents are unsettled what we can allow and trust him.

It is very difficult for us to let go of the child that the teen was still to let go. And it is even more difficult for us to let go of the intimate relationship that we had so far. Because from today in the same time, mom and dad are the most important people in his life.

While we still perceive our teenager as a child because he also behaves like one from time to time and makes more uniform decisions, he already feels grown up. Accordingly, he demands more freedom and wants to be treated like an adult.

This often creates moments when our different ideas and perceptions collide and argue. We parents believe that they have to intervene for the benefit of the child. To the displeasure of the teenager who wants to regulate his things alone.

And then unfortunately it often happens that we say and do things that we should leave better. Because instead of helping our children with it, we disturb the trust and relationship with us.

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Sentences that parents in living together with a teenager should therefore avoid are the following:

You are lazy.

The changed behavior of teenagers is often anxious. Suddenly the children withdraw, sleep more and longer and when they leave their room, only to meet friends.

The previous academic achievements can also drop in the high phase of puberty (between 14 and 16 years). And to help them in the household, they never seem to have fallen more difficult. Reason enough for parents to blame their child.

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But the common is that teenagers take care of this label. If we parents say only enough that our child is lazy, it will believe it sooner or later. "My parents expect that I don't make or create XY, then I don't do it either."

The thing about puberty is that it is incredibly exhausting for children. Both physically and mentally. So many processes happen at the same time in his brain and body that it is completely normal that a teenager takes more time for itself. So that often has nothing to do with laziness.

In order not to lose contact with the child, parents should be sensitive and reinforce their child positively. Agreements should be made together, from rest to household services. Give the child responsibility and make him concessions is the balancing act for parents of a pubescent teenager.

Why are you not like your sister/ brother?

Comparisons convey to a person that, as he is, he is not sufficient and correct. Compare with other, supposedly better, more hardworking or more intelligent people gnaw on self -confidence and also fuel negative feelings of the other person.

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So instead of comparing or comparing yourself with others, we should show our teenager what makes it special and maybe also unique. We should therefore praise him and praise it even more if he or she does something good or likes to do it or makes it particularly hard.

I am disappointed with you.

To be told by a loved one that you have disappointed him is one of the most terrible feelings that you can live through. You feel guilty and ashamed.

A teenager who is disoriented and emotionally confused anyway, such a sentence can literally pull the ground away from the feet from the parents. Because actually his parents should be his safe harbor, his constant.

Instead of hearing allegations, a teenager who entrusts himself to his parents want to help, above all. For this reason, he or she turned to the parents in the first place. Therefore, parents and teen should discuss together what has led to the problem and try to find a solution together.

In a few years, this no longer plays a role.

The first heartache, the first really bad note, argument with the best friend or the best friend, life is full of first big disappointments. All the feelings that a child or teenager then feels can be overwhelming.

We parents quickly want to jump to our child emotionally and then say something like, "in a few years it doesn't matter".

We believe that we can calm our sad or angry child with it and maybe even cheer up. Instead, such a sentence conveys "what you feel is not right, exaggerated and not important." He recognizes feelings instead of conveying compassion.

The same applies to the sentence:

You're exaggerating!

There are countless situations that don't seem bad in our adult eyes. But that doesn't mean that you are not for our teenager. With a "you exaggerate!" Let's even ridicule the feelings of our child.

It is better to just listen and maybe hug the child. And even better if you try to understand the feelings and convey to your child that it is okay to have these feelings. Otherwise, it can happen that a teenager completely closes and things only make things out with himself.

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You are too young to understand that.

Even small children can understand complex facts if they are only explained to them age -appropriate. Saying someone that he is too young to understand something is actually a way of saying that your opinion on this topic does not count (for me).

Parents put down their teenagers when they deny his opinion or thoughts on a topic. Even implicitly swings in, "you are too stupid for that".

This can be gnawing at the confidence of a teenager and leading the child to withdraw. So let's listen to what our children have to say and we explain it to you if he or she has not understood something (correctly).

You have long been too old for that.

Above all, we parents could keep our children suffering and bad in the world, we would probably do it. At least that is often the motivation behind a sentence like, "you have long been too old for that".

When the teenager wants to go with an unconventional outfit or follow a hobby that we parents believe that it could arrive strange to other people, we tend to talk it out before something (negative) happens. We want to protect you because we believe that someone could make fun of them.

Instead of preserving it from negative experiences, we are with such a statement that the child feels bad or ashamed. At that moment we take the fun and the joy of something.

I'll take care of it.

It is difficult to let go as a parents and let the child make it. Especially when it tells you of problems or mistakes that have been undermined. After all, everything was taken care of in the past few years.

But for the parent-child relationship and the child's self-confidence, it is important that you bring you confidence and let it do it. Or wait until it asks for help. And even then you shouldn't tear everything yourself, but look for solutions together with the child.

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That's just a phase.

If teenagers discover their sexuality and perhaps also question feelings or identities, this can be a sensitive topic for us parents. Perhaps we react unsafe or overwhelmed - and tend to dismiss the situation with a sentence like "This is just a phase". But that's exactly what we shouldn't do.

Behind the sentence is a devaluation of what the child is feeling. Young people experience their emotions and identity finding very intensely. To tell them that what they feel is only temporary, the trust in our parents can shake. It gives them the feeling that they are not taken seriously - or worse that something is wrong with them.

During puberty, it is essential that teenagers feel safe to explore their feelings and identity in a protected framework. Parents don't have to understand everything, but they should be willing to listen and support their child instead of having premature judgments.

Because whether an orientation or feeling remains or changes is ultimately not decisive - what matters is that the child knows:My parents accept me the way I am.

Exciting:These prominent examples show how parents should support their children in finding their identity:

Something important at the end:This article should not put more pressure on parents than they already feel. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.

Always remember that you wake up together. While your child learns to grow up, you learn to be a child's parents who will grow up. And if you learn, you also make mistakes. Always let your child know that you are always there, ready to help him when help. Let it know that you love it unconditionally and that it can entrust everything to you without being condemned or even punished.

So you will go through puberty together and master all big and small difficulties.

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