Parents want their child to be well and not lack anything. He should be happy and content and have the success in life that he wants. And if you as a parent had it in your hands, you would like to spare your offspring any grief.
But with this overprotection, to which all parents are probably susceptible, we would be overshooting the mark. Let's just think about it. Those parents who accompany their children every step of the way and solve the smallest problems straight away. All with the aim of making life as easy as possible for the child. Although it seems, but a bad aftertaste remains when we hear about them.
The upbringing of so-called lawnmower parents is viewed even more intensively and therefore more critically. They don't just react to their children's problems. You rule out from the outset that problems or conflicts will arise.
Lawnmower parents don't just want their children to be content and happy. The child's success is particularly important to them and the best way to achieve this is to do it themselves.
But this (presumably) very well-intentioned care is anything but helpful for the child's development. We want to explain to you why.
Lawnmower Parents: What is it exactly?
Lawnmower parents can be seen as a step up from helicopter parents. While helicopter parents simply circle around their child around the clock and jump in immediately when they need help, lawnmower parents take action one step earlier.
Just as a lawnmower trims the grass so that you can walk on the lawn without worries and obstacles, lawnmower parents ensure that any obstacles are removed from the offspring's path before it can become a real problem. Especially when it comes to the child’s academic success.
Side note:Sometimes you also read about so-called snowplow parents. They are essentially the winter counterpart to the lawnmower parents, but they don't differ when it comes to their parenting style.
An example of lawnmower parent behavior:
The child doesn't know what to do with his homework. Typical lawnmower parents won't just help him solve the tasks. They will solve the tasks for the child by telling him exactly what needs to be done and where. This way they ensure a good grade instead of disappointment.
But lawnmower parents also like to interfere in the child's social contacts. A dispute between friends is not resolved by the children, but by the intervention of the parents.
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The intentions of this parenting style are certainly good. Lawnmower parents also want their offspring to grow up as carefree and happy as possible. He should be successful, have good grades and be able to have a career later.
But what parents lose sight of is that a child has to learn how to deal with frustration, a bad evaluation or an obstacle. This is the only way he or she can develop into a self-confident and independent adult.
Consequences of lawnmower training
What children learn through the constant and ongoing intervention and even anticipation of their parents is that they cannot do anything on their own and always seem to need help. Not a good foundation for raising an independent and confident adult.
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If children have not learned how to solve problems themselves, they will avoid them. On the one hand, this applies to school: they won't even try to solve tasks that they supposedly can't do. This leads to lower grades. This in turn confirms the child's belief that he or she is unable to solve things on his or her own without help (from his or her parents), which can lead to even more denial.
When it comes to social contacts, children of lawnmower parents will also avoid any problems. They generally try to avoid arguments. They simply leave decisions, big and small, to other people. They will rarely show initiative and will not take risks. Because the fear of failure is far too great.
Children of typical lawnmower parents lack self-confidence. Because those who have never failed don't know that sometimes it takes a second, third or fourth attempt before you reach your goal.
Children for whom everything is always done do not make mistakes and cannot learn from them. Instead, they learn that mistakes and failure are always bad and must be avoided at all costs.
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The frustration level of these children is also very low. For them, giving up is the easier option in a complicated situation, be it in a school or social context. Because they want to avoid doing something wrong at all costs and thus disappointing others, but especially themselves.
How do you avoid becoming a lawnmower parent?
Well, are you thinking about whether you too act like lawnmower parents every now and then? I actually recognized myself at one point or another. Especially when it comes to school work that has been forgotten or needs to be prepared. But I vow to improve from now on.
The 'simplest' solution is probably to just let your child do it. Forgotten homework, not studying enough, working too messily or missing work materials - these are all things that we parents would like to straighten out. Unfortunately, the child doesn't learn anything from this. Except maybe mom and dad step in.
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It is much better to let the child collect their own experiences. A bad grade, a warning from the teacher or a lost circle is not the end of the world. Failure and frustration are part of life for every person. We all have to learn to deal with it. But only those who experience these unpleasant moments can do better next time.
This means that I, and perhaps some of you too, have to exercise restraint. Don't constantly chase after the child and ask, did you do this, did you do that? This is the only way children learn to take responsibility for their actions or 'non-actions'.
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So we should encourage our children to do things on their own. And if they reach their limits, then we should encourage them to exceed them and go a little further. We should let them know that mistakes are okay and that we all make mistakes sometimes. It is important that we learn something from it. And we should always let our children know that we are happy to accompany them in this process.
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