When raising children, there are various traps that we parents can fall into, often without realizing it. Here are some of the most common ones.
The biggest pitfalls in raising children are not, as we parents like to tell ourselves, hidden in external circumstances, guides or well-intentioned advice. No, they lie in our own ways of thinking and reacting.
We parents today in particular tend to get tangled up in a jungle of our own expectations, fears and demands - for ourselves and our children. The biggest parenting traps we set ourselves. The following are definitely among them:
Trap 1: Perfectionism
There are no perfect parents – we know that all too well. And yet we find it difficult to accept this fact. We are constantly looking for the 'perfect' parenting style and don't even realize the enormous pressure we put on ourselves. And not just us, but also our children.
Perfectionism is one of the biggest pitfalls in raising children. Trying to do everything right all the time can lead to overwhelm and emotional exhaustion. Children sense this tension. In addition, they are also confronted with the expectation of always functioning - which can lead to stress and possibly even behavioral problems.
What helps?We parents should realize that mistakes are always part of life. That it is much more important to be authentic and to have the freedom to make unconventional decisions than to be perfect. Dealing with mistakes - for parents as well as children - can serve as a valuable learning opportunity and lead to a stronger relationship.
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Trap 2: Overprotection
As parents, we naturally want to protect our children from all dangers and evil in this world. In the worst case scenario, this can lead to us.
Anyone who removes all obstacles and obstacles from their child's path, who constantly jumps to their side when problems arise, stifles the development of independence and personal responsibility.
If we parents are constantly watching over our children and protecting them from every risk, no matter how small, they will not be able to test themselves and find their own solutions. In doing so, we reduce their confidence in their own abilities and, in fact, promote a vicious circle of fear (on the part of the child and parents) and overprotection (on the part of us parents).
What helps?Children need a healthy level of protection and trust. You must learn to assess risks yourself and deal with failure. Of course, there are situations in which protecting children is the top priority, but to a certain extentshould always be encouraged. It is important to trust the child to make mistakes and learn from them.
Trap 3: Comparisons
Sooner or later you find yourself comparing your child with others. But constantly looking at the supposedly perfect development of other children can lead to unnecessary stress.
Every child is unique and develops at their own pace. What is completely normal for one child at two years old may be just as true for another child at three years old.
If we parents regularly compare ourselves with other families, we run the risk of setting unrealistic standards for ourselves and our children. Instead of appreciating our own family and enjoying the individual progress of our children, doubts quickly arise. This can not only put a strain on the parent-child relationship, but can also negatively impact our children's self-esteem.
What helps?Parenting is not a competition. We parents should be aware that developmental trajectories vary and that there is no right or wrong pace. Trust in the child and patience are the key here.
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Trap 4: Too much advice
Advice books, online forums, Facebook groups, acquaintances and friends – the sources for parenting tips are almost unlimited. This flood of information can quickly become a challenge, especially for young parents. What one expert recommends contradicts the advice of another. What ultimately remains is confusion: Which approach is right for my child?Or would you rather be a little more relaxed? How much freedom can my child have? What is too much?
Too many opinions and advice can paralyze parents in their decision-making. Parents lose orientation and feel torn between different views.
What helps?It is important to realize that not every piece of advice will suit every child. There is no universal solution for everyone. That's why we should first and foremost listen to our own gut feeling and the needs of our children. It can be helpful to find a handful of trustworthy sources. You should be careful not to allow yourself to be influenced by every new recommendation and to choose the path that works best for your family.
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