Do you have the feeling more often in conversation with your teen, he no longer listens. Your feeling is not deceptive and science can prove it.
It may be, no, it will be quite sure that things that interest me wake up little or no interest in my children. The two (11 and 14 years old) have their very own realities. Nevertheless, overlaps occur every now and then. However, only if something that I might tell you a few or three days ago I was told brand new by a friend.
Then the new film, shop or the series is suddenly very interesting. When I reported on it just a few days before, I was hardly given any attention. The fact that my children no longer listen to me (more) has nothing to do with my missing communication skills, but with their brain development.
What brain research reveals about teenagers and their parents
To prove that it is not the subjective feeling of the parents, when it is said that they don't listen to teenagers (they) looked properly, looked at each otherScientists from Stanford UniversityBrain scans of children between the ages of 7 and 16 more precisely. And that while the kids heard the voice of their mother, a stranger spokeswoman and other, not social environmental noises. Brain activity was specifically measured in areas that are connected with reward and social evaluation.
The results clearly show:
Younger children (up to 12 years)showed a higher activity in the area of the brain, which is responsible for rewards when she heard her mother's voice compared to non-family voices and noises.
In contrast, showedOlder children (from 13 years)An increased activity in this area when she heard the voice of the foreign spokeswoman.
What exactly happens in the brain?
In childhood we parents are the center of their world for our children. Our voice, the mother's voice, is a source of security, security and reward. It is scientifically proven that the brain of small children and young children reacts particularly to the mother's voice, just as if it were a kind of reward.
This pattern changes suddenly during puberty. The reason for this is a comprehensive development process in the brain, which is also referred to as "neuroplastic restructuring".
Interestingly, however, this does not mean that the relationship with the parents is destroyed (if it can also be disturbed temporarily). Rather, it is a kind of reorientation of the brain that is now focused on other social influences. We mothers don't lose our meaning, but our voice is no longer the "reward switch" that it used to be.
This change helps our teenagers to loosen from the family piece by piece and find their own place in the world.
What does this mean for parents?
This process may be frustrating for us as parents, but it is a completely natural development. So we should not feel personally attacked if the pubescent child no longer listens to us or no more perceives to us than the most important authority.
Rather, it is a sign that its brain is preparing for a new phase in which independence and social integration come to the fore.
How can we deal with this change?
So what can we do as parents if our teenagers no longer listen to us as before? A first step is to show understanding and to accept the changes as part of natural development. Instead of criticizing our children because they no longer hear us, we can try to understand their perspective. By continuing to have an open ear for you and investing in a respectful communication, we create a stable basis for the relationship, even if it shows itself in a new form.
It is also important that we, as parents, do not completely withdraw from our children's lives. We should continue to be present as a trusting caregiver, even if we are no longer the center of your social universe. Let us give our teenagers a little more space to have their own experiences. However, we still show our support so that you know that we are still there for you.
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