Not good role models: this is how parents' media behavior harms their children

Parents agree when it comes to their children's screen time. Just don't use too much of it, it will harm them. A study has now shown that screen time from us parents can have a harmful effect on our children.

And I feel so caught out. Because while as a mother I make sure that my children don't spend too much time in front of the screen, I naturally have my cell phone in front of me almost around the clock. I read messages, answer them or just have to look something up. Pretty hypocritical.

This is not only unfair to my children, but, according to a study from the University of California, Santa Barbara nowproven, I am harming them, especially their emotional intelligence. Children need their parents' attention in order to develop and strengthen their ability to control their own emotions.

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Study shows what I'm doing wrong

To investigate the possible influences of digital media on children's emotional intelligence, scientists at the University of California surveyed 400 parents of children between the ages of 5 and 12. Parents should assess their children's emotional intelligence. They should also indicate how much media their children use on average and also how often they did other activities such as reading or playing outside.

At the same time, parents should evaluate their own media behavior. They had to indicate how often they used their cell phone, computer or tablet while their children were present. But also how often they started or had conversations with their children while simultaneously using one of these devices.

The analysis of the surveys showed that simply using the smartphone in the presence of the children had a negative impact on their emotional intelligence.

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Children need undivided attention

As study leader Robin L. Nabi writes, every person is born with a certain level of emotional intelligence, i.e. the ability to control one's own emotions such as fear or anger. How good you are at this varies greatly from person to person. Because it is a learning process to further develop your emotional intelligence. And that’s why children need us adults.

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We can and should help them learn to understand their own feelings. We should talk to them about feelings and give them feedback on certain reactions or behavior.

But if you, as a mother or father, have a screen in front of your face and only pay casual attention to your child's tantrum, for example, you don't feel seen. The child simply lacks feedback.

Research has already examined how important emotional intelligence is for later life. Emotionally intelligent people are happier and more satisfied in their lives. You would have happier relationships and be more successful professionally.

Limit screen time for everyone

As the scientists in the University of California study conclude, we may be a little too strict about our children's use of digital media. At least in terms of their emotional development.

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After all, our smartphones, tablets and computers are also a huge help to us. As far as our horizon of knowledge is concerned, but also our social life.

But in order for the positive effects of digital media to be a little more effective, we have to keep bringing our children, but also ourselves, back into the here and now. Without screen. And with time and undivided attention for each other.

Important note at the end:Every child is different and reacts in their own way. It is therefore important that you listen to your child and find out which path is best for you.