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Platonic love: can it really work?
“Friendship Plus”, “Friends with benefits” or “Friends with Advantages” – no matter what you call it, there are a few rules you should follow in this case. Otherwise you're risking your friendship, and it certainly wouldn't be worth it, would it?
Even if it's certainly not for everyone and many people stay away from it because they don't want to jeopardize a good friendship for a bit of sex, many singles have a best friend with whom they crash every now and then. In other words: end up in the box.
If everyone gets along with it without any problems, that's nice. Nobody says that you can only be in close contact in a relationship. And if you like a person a lot, why not like them a little more?
Sounds like Friendship Plus is the ultimate panacea for singles in need of cuddles! But unfortunately the balancing act between a little love and even more friendship doesn't always work. Woe to anyone who loses his heart in the frenzy of friendship. Then acute heartbreak threatens and the friendship is also history.
Friends with Benefits also need rules
In order to prevent a rude awakening, game rules for Friends with Benefits are an absolute must! The most important prerequisite: The combination of carefree friendship and passionate sex happens with mutual consent. Sex and feelings are strictly separated.
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Here are more important rules for Friends with Benefits:
1. Set the rules for your friendship together and talk openly about your expectations. If you suddenly ended up in bed together, you should talk openly afterwards about what exactly that was and what it should be in the future. A one-off slip-up? From now on more often, but without obligation or whatever.
2. As soon as the bonding hormone thwarts your plans, you have to talk about your emotional chaos! So whoever feels more must clearly tell the other person. Because if one of them wants more, the friends-with-benefits box doesn't work.
3. Keyword: Non-binding. Try to see your friendship plus for what it is: a community of convenience between two people who like each other very much, but are ultimately “just” friends. So neither of them has any claim on the other, both are free to do whatever they want.
4. Do you really want to know who he's seeing? We recommend: Don't talk about other romances and dates. It's better to keep your other bed stories, dates or falling in love feelings to yourself.
5. Feel comfortable with him, have a lot of fun in bed, but always keep a cool head! Both of you must be able to press the stop button at any time.
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6. No matter how passionate the sex may be, he sometimes just has to be the man to lean on. Just because you now crash together every now and then doesn't mean he's no longer your buddy who's willing to listen to you and your concerns.
7. Sunday crime scene evenings, goodnight text messages: Be careful not to develop couple rituals with him. As friends, please, but not this classic couple's box.
8. A toothbrush and a change of underwear for him are extremely practical, but they don't suit this type of relationship. So always pack your toothbrush again.
9. Even if it should go without saying, we'll still say it again: Despite all the passion and despite all the trust between friends: never forget contraception!
10. Stay away from your colleague, even if you are friends, he is and remains part of your job. And that quickly makes the non-binding nature complicated and the outcome immensely unpredictable.
