Why men cheat: The 6 most common reasons

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Women in particular tend to blame themselves when their partner cheats. But what are the real reasons behind male cheating? ExpertHelen Croydon,Journalist and author of several relationship guides, has summarized the six most common reasons why men cheat.

1. Sexual Frustration

Sad but true: Unfortunately, it is often sexual frustration that leads men to seek happiness in strange beds. Expert Helen Croydon says: “Bad sex in a relationship is the most common argument used by cheaters. Especially from men who are looking for a love adventure online.” Reasons such as “the physical aspect was gone at some point” or “our sex was very routine and well-worn” are very often mentioned here, says the expert.

“Sex is to men what emotional connection is to women. Unfortunately, caresses are no substitute for men. If your partner says that their affair isn't because your sex life has fallen off, then they're probably just being diplomatic and polite," explains Helen Croydon.

Her advice: “Everyone is busy with jobs and appointments, but taking time for your partner, and that explicitly means your sex life with your partner, is simply extremely important in every relationship. If sex and passion are no longer present in a relationship, then you should actively do something about it!”

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2. Feeling unloved

The feeling of not being loved or desired or simply taken for granted is another risk factor for infidelities. It may sound like a cliché, but Helen Croydon confirms: “Think of bored couples where he doesn't even notice she has a new hairstyle. Or the hard-working man who is forced to do all sorts of extra work around the house at the weekend and is supposed to entertain the children. It is precisely these couples who complain that their relationship has become purely functional. They miss the romance of the past – and ultimately look for it elsewhere.”

Everything that makes the other person in the relationship feel loved and valued has been ignored by these couples. Habit and convenience instead of attention and respect. And that's exactly where the problems begin. After all, everyone wants to feel wanted, noticed and loved. The sad truth is, if one of them can't make the other feel that way, they'll find it somewhere else.

3. The relationship lacks that certain something extra

This is tough, dear women, but Helen Croydon found in her research that a not exactly small percentage of men are still looking for that 'certain something extra' when cheating. The expert explains: “I was surprised at how many men say that they love their wife and don't want to leave her, but that they are somehow missing that little something extra. Not necessarily sex, but romance and dating, getting to know someone completely new again.”

This is actually more than sobering. If it was just about sex, maybe that would be easier to deal with than the search for romance and flair. But ultimately we will all have to admit that we simply miss something exciting and new in long-term relationships. The long-term partner is known and used to it.

Helen Croydon says: “Sad but true: too much familiarity can cause passion to fade. This is despite the fact that we all long to be truly intimate and close to someone. Small consolation: It's not that difficult to move your relationship away from watching TV together in sweatpants, making household plans and cozy romances in socks.

4. The 'one last time' syndrome

Showing the other person that you want to spend your life with them, possibly forever, is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, it can also lead to the opponent panicking at the end of the goal. Helen Croydon says: “Men think they owe it to themselves to be the same again. To be able to live her old life again.

And this last time, they mistakenly think, should help them to be faithful in the long term.” A big mistake. Because one last fling won't give anyone the feeling of being more experienced or of having let off steam.

If you believe that your husband has these fears and thoughts, you should use his desire for sex and conquest for your own purposes, the expert advises. “Ask him what he misses and try to find a way together. Why not plan a really wicked sex weekend with him, as if you had just met? Even if it’s just in a hotel around the corner.”

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5. Escape from relationship problems

We all have good and bad phases in our relationships. This is completely normal. And it would be too easy to doubt the entire relationship and love in such moments. But it's hardly surprising that this is still one of the main reasons for men to seek happiness elsewhere and cheat.

Helen Croydon says: “It's quite stupid for someone who is having relationship problems to rush into an affair. You draw your attention to the new person for a short time and think you can solve your own problems." All this energy that is put into the affair could be better used to save the relationship. That would help in the long run than a quick adventure.

“That’s why you should openly address the problems in the relationship. Your partner should be worth talking to,” says Helen Croydon. “If you are unable to do this, you should release your partner. Many people here are simply far too afraid of being single and remain in broken relationships. But it can be very liberating when you break away from a partner who ultimately only makes you unhappy.”

6. The good opportunity

The classic fear situation is clearly this: We are out of town, he goes around the house with his friends, meets a woman and promptly ends up in bed with her. Of course this also happens, but it is rarely the case.

Helen Croydon says: “Fortunately, men don’t necessarily cheat as soon as the opportunity arises, as many women believe. Anyone who takes advantage of the first situation that presents itself to cheat has already had these thoughts before or has suppressed secret desires. Hardly anyone jumps into bed with the next female acquaintance. My experience has been that men who cheat in this way have already done it before or have thought about it before.”

The expert's tip: “Trust creates respect, and there is no better protection against being cheated than mutual respect. That's why you should give your partner air and space. If he goes out alone, he shouldn't see it as an opportunity to stop being watched by you, but rather as a chance to miss you. Give him the opportunity to do that.”