“Never for love”: Miriam Suter and Natalia Widla investigate the question of how male violence arises

Recently, a question has been bothering women on social media: Who would you be more afraid of if you met alone in the forest: a bear or a strange man? Many chose the bear - he and his intentions were more predictable. When it comes to men, however, you often don't know whether they are violent people. This idea of ​​an unknown perpetrator in the forest is deeply anchored in our society. But how much does this have to do with reality? This is the question they addressAuthors Natalia Widla and Miriam Suterin hersnew book “Never for Love”after. They have visited court cases, met relatives of femicide victims and spoken to experts from the judiciary, politics and psychology. Tell us what you discovered about male violence.

Natalia Widla:While working on our first book, we quickly realized that we...cannot be prevented if we only focus on the victims. Many of the experts we spoke to repeatedly said: working with perpetrators is protecting victims. That's why we wanted to understand why men exercise patriarchal violence and what options there are to prevent violence in advance or to stop violence that has already been perpetrated.

Miriam Suter:If we really want to examine violence against women from all perspectives, then it is very important that we look at where this violence comes from, what it is based on and, above all, who carries it out.

N.W.:There is no one perpetrator. Men who commit violence against women come from all social classes, have a wide variety of religious, political and cultural backgrounds, belong to all age groups and have very diverse lifestyles. In the media it is often portrayed that the perpetrators are always “the others”: monsters, psychopaths, strange loners or racialized men – all people who could somehow be recognized as “other” and singled out. However, this gives a false sense of security: perpetrators are among us, they are our fathers, friends, brothers or partners.

N. W.:In short: Men commit violence against women because they have internalized a patriarchal attitude of entitlement. They believe that they have a right to this woman, to her body, to her affection, and so on. If the woman breaks this attitude of entitlement, for example by separating, these men react with violence.

M. S.:WithNone of this has anything to do with it, it's just used to frame the actions as normal reactions of a jealous, protective or worried man. Whitewashing and violence against women have gone hand in hand for centuries - be it in the media, in popular culture or even in courts, where men can expect lighter sentences if they justify their actions by using victim-perpetrator reversal.

M. S.:Extreme violence likeare often explained using the social psychological model of the pyramid of violence: Radicalization is a multi-stage process in which the number of people involved decreases with each higher level. At the base of the pyramid are widespread prejudices and values: stupid jokes about women or common sexist clichés. Later, belittling and victim blaming follow when women talk about attacks. On the one hand, all of this means that those affected do not have the courage to seek help, and on the other hand, it signals to the perpetrators that their behavior has no consequences. We as a society are paving the way for terrible acts of violence against women if we do not intervene or change our mindset. You could also say: Men commit violence against women because they can.

N. W.:There are a number of factors that generally promote violence: these are precariousness, spatial constraints, a lack of alternatives and escape options and, above all, of course, politics and jurisprudence in which women are still viewed as the other and men as the norm.

M. S.:Men who fear that they will become perpetrators or have already become perpetrators can take advantage of perpetrator work services. There, men learn to take responsibility for their actions. This is very important because many people lack this insight: they explain their actions by saying that the woman provoked them. When working with perpetrators, the men learn, among other things, how to channel their feelings in ways other than violence. These are all important approaches, but often something has already happened at this point. Above all, I see other men as having responsibility here: Speak to your friends if they behave in a sexist manner. And create spaces for yourself in which you can allow feelings.

M. S.:First of all, the legislation should be adjusted by recognizing femicide as a separate crime - this is still not the case in Germany either. This makes the gender-specific background of these acts visible and helps to develop more targeted countermeasures. And there is an absolute need for significantly more women's shelters and shelters that are open to all those affected, regardless of their residence status or financial situation. Germany currently has around 400 women's shelters with around 6,800 places; According to the requirements of the Istanbul Convention, at least 21,000 places would be necessary. A central step could be the introduction of mandatory anti-violence programs and therapy offers for men who have become conspicuous for violent behavior.

N. W.:Education also plays a crucial role. Educational campaigns at national level can raise society's awareness of the issue and help to question traditional role models and gender-based power relations. The topic should also be anchored more firmly in schools in order to make violence prevention an integral part of education.