Psychology: We hide these 13 secrets from other people

We all have ours. Things we prefer to keep to ourselves, thoughts we haven't even spoken out loud to ourselves. After all, there are some fantasies that should stay in our head and are better never left. You know it. But then there are also certain actions or deeds from the past that we would like to forget and therefore don't tell anyone about them. Butwhy do we actually have secrets? What are we hiding? And how does this not become a burden for us??The mystery secrets – now revealed.

There are various reasons why people keep secrets. This is often related to personal, social or psychological factors. One of the main reasons is privacy protection; People want to control certain information about themselves or their lives and not share everything with others. Eh sure, of course we don't just randomly tell our most intimate stories, that could make us vulnerable. But even people who are close to us are not privy to all the intimate details of our lives. Firstly, to protect these relationships. Secrets can often contain opinions that would hurt or cause conflict. On the other hand, because we...strive. We perceive certain things as embarrassing or inconsistent with the expectations of the social group. By withholding information about ourselves, we try to avoid rejection or judgment. Regret, shame orare the main reason we have secrets in the first place. As soon as we do something that violates our own moral or ethical standards or is inconsistent with social conventions, we prefer to keep it to ourselves. This also applies to things that other people entrust to us. Secrets mean control, power, but also independence and freedom. And we like to keep it.

On average, it is said that every person has 13 central secrets that they never tell anyone, for whatever reasons. Even if you think you're an open book - you're not. Inevitably, there are things that we don't even have to consciously hold back, but we do anyway. It is not possible to name these secrets exactly; after all, they are personal information that, on the one hand, is highly individual and, on the other hand, should remain secret, otherwise they would no longer be secrets. And yet in psychology one can identify certain subject areas from which most of the mysteries come. The scientistsSlepian, Chun and Mason in a 2017 studyfor example, a ranking of 38 secrets was created. These were the 13 most common secrets that participants never told anyone:

It's completely normal that we have secrets, there's nothing we can and shouldn't do about it. However, we must ensure that our secrets do not become a burden - because that happens quickly. If a secret particularly depresses us, contradicts our own self-image or triggers emotional stress, feelings of guilt or even fear in us, this can be particularly stressful. We constantly think about it or try to suppress the secret. This leads to a kind of vicious circle, which then, depending on the strategy, has exactly the opposite effect and ultimately oursendangered. If we want to prevent this, we have to think of a way to better deal with the secret - or simply share the secret with other people.

In order to prevent secrets from becoming a burden, it is important to find a healthy way to deal with them. Start with, by taking time to think about the reasons why you're keeping the secret. Ask yourself if it's really necessary to keep it a secret. What impact would disclosure have on your well-being? Think about the potential consequences that could arise from this and whether they might be less stressful than constantly consuming yourself. It often helps to share the secret with a trustworthy person. A person who you are sure will understand and can support you with your concerns. Just telling secrets that have been bothering you can be quite a relief. If the secret is associated with strong negative emotions, you canconsult to get a new, completely objective view of things. Decide consciously what information you want to share with whom and set clear boundaries. When it comes to secrets in the relationship, you should consider introducing an open communication culture. One in which you can share thoughts and feelings, but also wishes and preferences, without filters. And if you just don't want to share your secret at all, that's completely okay too. It's human to have secrets. You don't have to judge yourself for that. The others most likely have at least as many.