The idea of always doing everything right as a parent is an ultimate burden. The expectations of us as mothers and fathers are high - we should be excellent, ideally perfect, in our role as advisors, protectors, supporters and of course also as loving caregivers. But what happens when we free ourselves from this burden and say goodbye to the idea of “perfect” parenting?
This is exactly where the concept of “Second Best Parenting” comes in – an attitude that counteracts the pressure to be perfect in every way and instead focuses on “good enough”.
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Was ist Second Best Parenting?
Second Best Parenting is a concept primarily developed by psychologist and author Dr. Christina G. Hibbert was popularized. It's about freeing yourself from the pressure to be perfect and accepting that parenting isn't about always doing the best or perfect thing.
Rather, it's about having realistic expectations and forgiving yourself when you make mistakes. Parents should feel encouraged to deal with the challenges of parenting in an imperfect way, without feeling guilty or comparing themselves to others.
Now you could say that “Second Best Parenting” is the scientific excuse for neglectful parenting. But that's not it. Rather, the term emphasizes that it is not always about reaching the highest level of perfection as a parent. Instead, it's about removing the pressure of having to do everything right.
In practice, this means that parents consciously free themselves from the idea of constantly finding the best solution in every situation. Which, if we're honest, doesn't exist anyway. Education is not always just about absolute excellence, but also about the ability to make mistakes and accept them as part of the learning process.
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Perfectionism and the stress of modern parents
Psychological research shows that the increasing pressure on parents to be perfect role models is having a significant impactBurden on the whole familycan lead. And let's be honest, we, today's generation of parents, feel more influenced by external expectations than ever before, keyword: social media.
We want to do everything right and show that we can do it - be it in terms of nutrition, education or our children's leisure activities. However, this desire for perfection often leads to overwhelm, stress and, in the worst case, a feeling of inadequacy.
And this effect also affects our children: the relationship with our children suffers under the pressure of wanting to do “everything right”. Children sense the stress and overwhelm of their parents and can become unsettled themselves as a result.
The healthy alternative
“Second Best Parenting” is the alternative to supposedly perfect parenting. It is a concept based on the idea that parents can be better role models for their children through authenticity, acceptance and allowing for mistakes than by constantly chasing the perfect parenting model. This attitude relies on a healthy balance between effort and acceptance, and it has positive effects on both parents and children.
Dealing with your own mistakes
A key aspect of “Second Best Parenting” is dealing with your own mistakes. There are no perfect parents - and that's a good thing. Children learn through our mistakes and through dealing with failures. When we as parents admit mistakes, we not only show our children that adults are not infallible, but we also teach them a valuable lesson in dealing with mistakes and self-reflection.
When a child sees how we handle a situation where something goes wrong, they learn that it's not just about the outcome, but about the process. This way they learn that mistakes are part of life and that you can grow from them instead of being discouraged by them.
More benefits for children
“Second Best Parenting” not only has positive effects on the well-being of the parents, but also on the development of the children. When parents let go of their perfectionism, they can develop more sincere, relaxed and, above all, more authentic relationships with their children. Children benefit from a less stressful, but more attentive and supportive way of upbringing.
When parents act in an open and error-friendly environment, children develop moreand. You learn that it's not bad to make mistakes - and that there is always a way to improve. In such an environment, children can feel safe to make their own mistakes and learn from them without fear of rejection or an idealized image of parents.
Is Second Best Parenting for everyone?
“Second Best Parenting” requires a high level of self-reflection and a willingness to let go of your own perfectionism. The step towards a more relaxed upbringing can be a real challenge, especially for parents who experienced a lot of structure and control during their childhood.
But it's definitely worth the step. After all, our own imperfection is not only an enrichment for our lives as parents, but also a valuable lesson for our children.
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